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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my mind because ds cried?

47 replies

TheArmadillo · 04/12/2013 18:33

Ds is 9yo. We wanted to get him a tablet for Xmas but couldn't afford the full cost. As he had birthday money saved we asked him if he wanted to contribute the difference. He did, we ordered it and it arrived today. When we ordered it I said he wouldn't be able to have it until Xmas day, but as the one we got was on a one day deal we couldn't hold on to order it.

Ds is a very well behaved child. Never gets into trouble at school or at home. The only other time he has cried this year was when he fell off his cabin bed. He does chores around the house and helps with his toddler sister.

Dh had forgotten about ds not having the tablet until Xmas day and basically got him all excited about having it this evening. When I then said no Xmas day, ds got very upset and cried. Dh apologised to him but he was still upset.

So I changed my mind and said that once he had done his chores tonight he could have it.

Was I wrong? I don't like going back on the conditions set but given this is out of character for him, he was genuinely upset and he is very well behaved, dh had told him he could have it and 3 weeks is a low time to wait at this age I gave in.

I can't take it away again but not sure if it was the right thing to do or not.

OP posts:
LifeofPo · 04/12/2013 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sutekidane · 04/12/2013 18:37

I don't think you were wrong. I do think your DH should get him something daft for Xmas day to open though seeing as he kind of caused the no present on the day situation.

Fairenuff · 04/12/2013 18:38

Yep, you were wrong, sorry. You have taught him that if he cries he can get what he wants.

And now he has no present on Christmas day Sad

LynetteScavo · 04/12/2013 18:40

I would be fucking livid with DH.

What is DS going to recieve on Crhristmas day now? Will his siblings be opening big presents?

I totally understand why you gave in, I don't think you were "wrong" but I think your DH was a massive eejit.

TeenAndTween · 04/12/2013 18:40

He has had tablet for one day so he knows how fantastic it is
Now what you do is this:

  • say it has to go away until Christmas (and stick to it)

He'll still appreciate it on Christmas day. If he doesn't you (and he) have just wasted a lot of money ....

Topseyt · 04/12/2013 18:41

What on earth was your husband thinking, getting a child so excited about the arrival of a present they cannot have until Christmas Day?

I wouldn't have given in, and would have made hubby bear the consequences.

You will have a fun Christmas if he has no main present on the day.

PoshPenny · 04/12/2013 18:41

I would worry that you might have made a rid for your own back. Christmas Day is now going to be a monumental anti climax for your boy.
I think you should not have given in, and instead given your OH a hard time for messing up The Plan.

HouseAtreides · 04/12/2013 18:41

As long as he knows he has already had his main Christmas present then fair enough.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 04/12/2013 18:43

Why did you go back on this? What you going to do now? It would have been forgotten tomorrow. Dh is a pratt. It's his mess not urs to sort out.

Perspective21 · 04/12/2013 18:44

I'd be tempted to let him have it early as he's using birthday money too. Is it possible to go a bit mad in a cheap shop and get big, daft confectionary type things and wrap those as a big sweet bomb for Christmas. In North West, so B&M is where I'd go for this sort of stuff.
Have you other relatives giving him presents so that he has stuff to unwrap?
Your DH should be helping out on this as he's caused this unfortunate circ....

uselessinformation · 04/12/2013 18:45

Why did you tell him the present had arrived? Why didn't you just hide it until Christmas day? If it needed testing then you could have done that when he went to bed.

Original poster
TheArmadillo · 04/12/2013 18:46

He has other (smaller ) presents for Xmas day, and he is aware of this. This won't bother him as he doesn't really get the cost of things yet.

Dh was a muppet but it wasn't deliberate, he's tired and feeling crap and apologised to ds (and me).

OP posts:
Original poster
TheArmadillo · 04/12/2013 18:48

I didn't tell him it arrived (I got back from work and walked into all this), dh did but ds was with me when I ordered it and knew it would arrive this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheArmadillo · 04/12/2013 18:52

If ds was younger or regularly cried or had strops if he didn't get his own way I wouldn't have given in but he doesn't. He is quite laid back in that way and does what he's told.

Anyway defending the decision has been useful so thanks.

Thanks perspective - i have got him some pound shop sweets and chocolate, recorder and some cds so he'll have some presents to open.

OP posts:
Perspective21 · 04/12/2013 18:56

I think if he's a mature young lad like he sounds, I'd leave it as it is. He is old enough to understand he can't have it twice!! It's not a huge disaster and you will all laugh about it next year!

Fairenuff · 04/12/2013 18:57

Why are people blaming the dh?

OP said that dh got the boy all worked up but - When I then said no Xmas day, ds got very upset and cried. Dh apologised to him but he was still upset.

That was dh's fault.

But the rest of it was the OP's decision and she was the one who said he could have it

So I changed my mind and said that once he had done his chores tonight he could have it.

Bluecarrot · 04/12/2013 18:58

Agree he would prob have been fine waiting if DP hadn't slipped up! FWIW if dd can come up with a good argument ( even if its teary) which makes me question my decisions, I do consider changing my mind. If she just cries, no deal.

ICameOnTheJitney · 04/12/2013 19:04

Why on earth did you allow him to be with you when you ordered it? Isn't it all meant to be a surprise at Christmas? I think you've been very foolish here.

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2013 19:05

I don't think it's the end of the world! It's not a surprise and he has paid for some of it himself.

I bet your DH feels terrible but your DS has got the best thing in the world.

So what if it's 3 weeks early?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 04/12/2013 19:05

No, you didn't do anything wrong. You sound like a sensible family.

I'm wearing my christmas boots at the moment 'cos my mum let me have them early Grin

sutekidane · 04/12/2013 19:08

It's not going to be a surprise when he's contributed birthday money, jitney.

maparole · 04/12/2013 19:40

Obviously, you are not the sort of person to just give in on an important decision because your ds turns on the waterworks.

Given the circumstances, I think there was little to be gained from holding your ground on this one; it is a shame your dh made a mistake, but if you had then insisted, that would have just made everyone even more unhappy and really would have served no end.

My ds knows that if I have said no then it is no and throwing a strop won't get him anywhere. However, he also knows that I can be reasoned with and am prepared to be convinced that I may have been wrong sometimes. I think this is an equally important lesson to teach, and 9 is old enough to appreciate the particular circumstances in this case.

Original poster
TheArmadillo · 04/12/2013 19:42

Ds contributed 60-70% of the cost after agreeing to the idea so it was never going to be a surprise. I suggested either that or a surprise. He chose the tablet.

Thanks perspective, nanny and lsp.

He is a fab boy especially considering he went through quite a lot at a young age. And I like our family, coming from an awful one myself, I am proud of mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheArmadillo · 04/12/2013 19:45

Maparole i agree, ds would have been upset for quite a while, dh would have felt guilty as hell and i would be upset at it all.

Ds never cries or strops, he accepts what we say, so I think he deserves slack for that.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 04/12/2013 19:46

I'm sure your DS will have a fab Christmas day - you sound like the kind of mum who will ensure it is! Smile