Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think parents should provide a better pack lunch than this??

209 replies

neverlookback · 04/12/2013 13:12

My dd goes to the local community nursery a couple of mornings a week and when I pick her up at 12 all the kids staying all day have thier pack lunches ready on the tables, today as I'm waiting for dd to come through I noticed someone had sent in a bowl of cold takeaway garlic bread and chips! You could tell it was takeaway there's only 1 in our village!

I'm all for takeaway sometimes but I don't think this is a nice, healthy lunch for any child to have to take to nursery and eat cold or is it just me??

OP posts:
tinmug · 04/12/2013 21:18

volestair don't forget the one about the child certainly being sick as a result of eating the cold chips and garlic bread.

SaucyJack · 04/12/2013 21:18

Not in 20 mins on the same day they don't.

Have you honestly never been in a situation of not being able to do a grocery shop that day and ringing for a delivery instead?

hazeyjane · 04/12/2013 21:18

But cold chips are vile confused that's something we can be absolute about surely?

Apparently we cannot be absolute that cold chips are vile confused

As I said earlier ds likes cold chips. He wouldn't eat them hot, and the foods he will eat are very limited.

BloominNora · 04/12/2013 21:18

FFS - it's a shit lunch and I'd judge too.

There is no way it's a one off - you don't go from providing perfectly healthy and acceptable lunches to that level of crapness in one foul swoop. You don't think "shit I've run out of bread - I know, I'll send little Johnny with last nights left over takeaway" you cobble something together - crackers, pasta, rice with peas and sweetcorn.

Worst comes to the worst, you go and knock the neighbours door and see if they can lend you a couple of slices of bread or drop the kid off at nursery, go to the shops and then drop their lunch off afterwards.

Don't get me wrong - my kids eat their fair share of junk / sweets / chocolate but sending a child that young to nursery with that lunch is indicative of a more ingrained piss poor attitude to child nutrition or a massive lack of knowledge on the subject, both of which need to be addressed.

People minding their own business, being scared to judge and raise concerns, trying to find excuses for shit parental because no one wants to say it is shit - these are all reasons why the obesity rates are now at over 25% by year six. They are the reasons why tragedies like Daniel Pelka occur. They are the reasons society and community are breaking down.

Sometimes, it is ok to judge, sometimes it's OK to call people on crappy parenting or raise issues with the relevant professionals. Sometimes it is OK to hold people to certain standards without worrying that they might be depressed / the child may only want to eat cold greasy chips / it is the third Thursday of the month and therefore feed your kid shit day.

tinmug · 04/12/2013 21:19

We live in a society. We have to look after/treat/pay for that kid when he's older and got massive issues but no, no, you've got to keep your nose out

How ought we, as members of society, go about addressing this particular issue?

waltermittymissus · 04/12/2013 21:21

Everything Bloomin said!

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/12/2013 21:21

If they are in the position if there's not anything at all but cold chips in the house then they aren't just a day behind are they?

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/12/2013 21:22

bloomin you are spot on

formerbabe · 04/12/2013 21:23

Sometimes in life you need to accept some people are just crap parents and don't give a dam...i'm not saying this is definitely the case here, hut sometimes it is.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/12/2013 21:24

Blooming said it better than I did.

Well, you don't sort out the problem by pretending it isn't a problem or by pretending that it's the observer who is at fault for being 'judgey'.

averywoomummy · 04/12/2013 21:24

I think bloomin has put it perfectly!

SaucyJack · 04/12/2013 21:25

There is no way it's a one off - you don't go from providing perfectly healthy and acceptable lunches to that level of crapness in one foul swoop.

I have to say I completely and utterly disagree with this. I can think of any number of last-minute emergencies where you would go from sending in a normal lunch to left-over take away in one day.

If the OP sees the mum come in with her leg in plaster tomorrow, then you're all going to look pretty silly for this level of hysteria over on single meal.

volestair · 04/12/2013 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/12/2013 21:31

It's just bizarre that if you see an example of piss poor parenting and you might not be sure what to do about it, that plenty of people on mumsnet would respond with:
It's not your business
Are you so perfect then?
Maybe the parents are depressed.
Hoike up your judge pants
Whats it got to do with you. etc etc.

sherazade · 04/12/2013 21:45

well thats the thing isn't it. What is the op planning to do about it? Cook lunch for said child tomorrow? No, clearly everyone is going to go about their lives as normal and said child will be no better off. We can judge our pants right off and that still isn't going to feed anyone. Who here has actually constructively suggested what can be 'done'? where has the op expressed any kind of desire to 'do' anything?
I'm a reception teacher and I reserve my judgey pants for when I am able to implement change and I do so every single day. Like children who come in with untreated headlice, or ripped shoes (this is a private school ffs), or the (very overweight) child in my class today who ate none of his lunch apart from a darned chocolate bar that his mum had sneaked in. I'll be having words with all those parents and alot more.
But seriously you can turn up your nose all you like at someone's garlic bread and chips but who are you helping?
I totally agree with volestair, that the reference to Daniel Pelka was inappropriate.

Helpyourself · 04/12/2013 21:49

I would want to do many things at seeing that.
Starting a thread on Mumsnet isn't one of them.

tinmug · 04/12/2013 21:49

sometimes it's OK to call people on crappy parenting or raise issues with the relevant professionals

But what would you actually expect the relevant professionals to do, realistically, in this particular scenario? Daniel Pelka didn't die because everyone looked the other way and no one alerted the professionals. The professionals visited his home, several times. He still died. What authority, currently in existence, could the OP approach about this matter, and what could/should they do? If social services got involved, assessed the child's diet and decided that it was consistently unacceptable, and then provided classes for the parents in nutrition, food preparation and budgeting; and the parents carried on giving the child crappy lunches, then what?

tinmug · 04/12/2013 21:52

What is the op planning to do about it?

The only helpful thing I can think of - if the child is given this kind of food consistently - is to try and engineer a friendship between her own child and the cold-chip child and have the cold-chip child over on a regular basis, and serve really good food every time.

volestair · 04/12/2013 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigBirthdayGloom · 04/12/2013 21:54

I absolutely don't think anyone at the preschool should ignore or turn a blind eye to the lunch. I just don't agree with judgement. Investigation and support is what's required here in the first instance if its not a one off and then further action to safeguard a child. But I still maintain that it's a sad set of circumstances that leads to someone being ignorant or uncaring enough to habitually send in lunches like that. Sad for the parents who, know it or not, are out of their depth and sad for the child whose life chances are fewer. Not from the cold chips or other such stuff for lunch (IF its a pattern) but from the rest of the chaos that probably shapes their life.

notso · 04/12/2013 21:54

I worked in a playgroup plus and some of the children had dreadful lunches and sad lunches.
The reasons were,

  1. The parent was neglecting their child, the child had mouldy food or no food. The child was eventually placed in care.
  2. The parents were completely oblivious to the fact chocolate spread sandwiches, chocolate milkshake and a Mars bar everyday was unhealthy. When challenged they spouted off a load of abuse about lunch box police.
  3. The parent couldn't say no to the child, so would buy requested Macdonalds and the child would have it cold for lunch.
  4. The parents were skint, delay in benefits they had no food other than a mint sauce sandwich on mouldy bread.
Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/12/2013 21:57

When posters explicitly say "mind your own business" then they are saying "look away, it's nothing to do with you". I'm saying it does, unfortunately have something to do with everybody.

Mintyy · 04/12/2013 21:59

Tinmug - if the child is often given very poor lunches like this then the nursery should report their concerns to social services. That is the first step. What is the point in arguing about what might happen beyond that? Since most of us aren't intimately involved in child protection issues, I doubt you are going to get many sensible answers to your bigger question.

Kwitter · 04/12/2013 22:00

What utter shit they feed their children!

I have never, NEVER I TELL YOU, fed DS anything but a perfectly balanced meal every single day of his life.

I shit you not.

Find a more perfect Mother I dare you?!

BumPotato · 04/12/2013 22:01

sherazade "alot" isn't a word. Thought you might like to know being a teacher private, no less

Hooks up judgey-pants