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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I REALLY being unreasonable to buy my DS a barbie?

74 replies

MrsPeeWee · 03/12/2013 13:40

My DS is almost 6. He's our only child. Smile

He is really interested in playing with little figures and people. We have bought him some action men and little figures for Christmas. For weeks now, he has been asking for a barbie doll, so I bought him a cheap one earlier today.

My DH forbid me to buy him one.
So before DH gets home, I am looking for some points to throw at him to shut him up. Grin

So, is it really a big deal?
(I personally don't believe it is.)

OP posts:
SatinSandals · 05/12/2013 07:33

I wouldn't make any points, just say that you got one and it is no big deal.

thebody · 05/12/2013 08:06

gosh since when have toys been such a hot subject. Grin

buy him what he wants. if I asked for a bracelet for Christmas and dh got me a pen I would be pissed off.

it's a toy. he will probably play with it for a few days and then loose it. no big deal.

thegreylady · 05/12/2013 08:38

Dolls yes but Barbie is a bit ott with her boobs and pout and hour glass figure. I'm not sure a small boy would gain anything from having one.

quirrelquarrel · 05/12/2013 08:49

Your H FORBID you?

ye gods.

I could launch into a tirade about how of course boys can have dolls, incorporating many oh so many genderbending stories, but surely that's a secondary issue- you know you're not BU....does he often forbid you to do things?

thegreylady · 05/12/2013 08:53

I also agree with quirrel about your dh's attitude.

MumofYuck · 05/12/2013 08:57

On the one hand, I have bought DS1 and DS2 this and this for Christmas Grin

On the other hand, if I was really uncomfortable with my child having a particular toy and my partner insisted on buying it anyway then at the very least I'd be upset.

So it comes down to whether you consider his discomfort to be reasonable and, if unreasonable, you should be allowed to disregard it. I agree that his attitude is primaeval but isn't he allowed to have it? It might (just might) be more to do with traditional gender-related toys than being scared his boy will catch the Gay.

Doing a little bit of Devil's Advocate here please don't flame me

quirrelquarrel · 05/12/2013 09:05

Mumof I think the rules of common decency went out of the window before that to be honest (no offence OP- feel free to tell me I'm wrong). Sorry to harp on, but where does forbidding your partner to do something fit into a healthy relationship? Got nothing to do with the nature of the opinion and everything to do with the way he delivers it, IMHO.

(on another note- must be weird to have loads of people on MN calling you mum all the time!)

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 05/12/2013 09:11

Just ask DH to articulate what's wrong with it.

If the answer is, "Barbie is an unrealistic representation of womanhood," then he passes. Otherwise, throw him to the vipers.

Xmas Grin
MumofYuck · 05/12/2013 09:12

Well yes quirrel, the delivery is utterly crap, I agree. I wouldn't be at all happy if my DH acted like that! I was just pondering on how it would go if the posts were reversed:

DW really wants to get DS a toy that I consider to be inappropriate let's gloss over the reason why and I have put my foot down about it. She says she's going to get it anyway and this makes me feel like my opinion just doesn't matter. AIBU to be really upset by this?

Like I said, Devil's advocate-y.

as for my username, I quite like it Blush

MumofYuck · 05/12/2013 09:13

Yes, asking him to clarify in an articulate fashion would be good!

Hullygully · 05/12/2013 09:13

yes

don't risk pouffery and too many hair products

TwerkingNineToFive · 05/12/2013 09:17

If your husband thinks he'll 'catch the gay' surely playing with lots of hunky six pack army dudes is more of a problem.

jellybeans · 05/12/2013 09:24

YANBU at all, I bought my boys dolls if they wanted them. No probs at all. If Dh was funny i soon set him straight.

SatinSandals · 05/12/2013 12:31

I don't why you have to have massive discussions about a toy, just tell him you have got it. As to it being Barbie, it is for a child not an adult,so it depends if they want one, better to have it and move on than make it highly desirable by refusing. It is a doll.

wontletmesignin · 05/12/2013 12:49

Yanbu - your oh is!

My ex was like this whenever we picked ds up from nursery. He liked the prams, his dad didnt.
I should have mentioned something when ex was pushing ds in a pram as a baby Hmm

I played with cars, footballs and action men as a child. I much preferred boys toys. I couldnt stand dolls and dresses.

I am straight and have dc of my own Smile
Buy him the doll he wants, get your oh one too Grin

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2013 12:55

If your DS wants a pink princess dress, you're doing a great job.

If your DD wants a pink princess dress, you've failed as a parent

That describes MN so perfectly Outraged Xmas Grin

SatinSandals · 05/12/2013 17:10

So true WorraLiberty - sums it up brilliantly. Grin

It is a toy, if a child wants it, and will play with it, then just get it, whether a Barbie or pink.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 05/12/2013 17:22

I wouldn't, only because I hate barbies. My DS has other dolls though and loves them. DH sees nothing wrong with it as DS is imitating him and how DH is with our DD. It encourages boys to explore all aspects of their personalities.
If he wants a Barbie get him one.

FixItUpChappie · 05/12/2013 17:24

YANBU at all OP and good for you.

I comfort DH by reminding him that our son likes to play dolls because he wants to be like DH - a kind and loving father who cuddles his children, plays with them, feeds them, changes their diapers.....really its a tribute to him that his sons want to emulate him.

Its so ingrained in us though isn't it? My 3yr old son was looking at bedding the other day and immediately picked out a Disney Princess set as his favorite. I am as liberal as they come and even I felt myself about to say..."but that is for girls" Blush. I didn't say it but it was there and I felt ashamed.

SatinSandals · 05/12/2013 17:33

If I banned all toys that I hated my children would have missed out! I can never understand why your child is not allowed to have different opinions.
Does the toy have play value to them? The mother doesn't have to play with it!

Golddigger · 05/12/2013 18:42

It doesnt seem like feminism is about choice at all. Not on mumsnet anyway.
It has become about women telling women what to do, instead of men telling women what to do. Just wonderful [ironic face]. Or Sad

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 05/12/2013 18:56

Women have more choices than they otherwise would, partly due to feminism.

That's not the same as feminism being about choice.

Golddigger · 05/12/2013 19:07

True about the first bit.

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