To think maternity leave does not = housewife and general PA to DH leave?

[bumpandkind]

My husband told me yesterday that if he had a years paternity leave he would use it wisely and sort the house out. Basically he feels I'm not doing enough at home. This is not an 'obviously I'm NBU thread' as I do feel it is my responsibility to do the lions share of house stuff but my main priority is a refluxy 5 month old who wake at least three times a night. I'm exhausted and tend to do bursts of housework with a 8kg Ds in a sling as when he sleeps, I do too. I am not expecting a 50/50 share of duties but for example if he did bath time once in a while I could do a huge amount in that space of time. Also the PA stuff really gets to me. Answer your own letters and bills. Rant over.

Your dh seems to want to return to the 1950's. Tell him you are happy to do so, to do all the childcare and housework and admin, but you won't be returning to workas you won't have time, and it will be up to him to earn additional money to cover your wages.

When he protests, tell him to return to this century and help you with the housework and do his own admin, because he is wasting your ML on him when it is about recovering from the birth and caring for your child, not giving him a holiday from all his responsibilities.

Oh God you poor thing. Reflux can be bloody awful. I have had two and if my refluxy DD had been no1 she would have been an only! So, first things first. People who have had a baby who is relatively easy (in so far as babies ever are) do not get how exhausting it is to cope with a baby who is sick, in pain, sleeps dreadfully, and cries like there's no tomorrow when awake. It's just grim. This is TOTALLY different to dealing with a baby who naps for a decent length of time, has at least some cheery patches in the day and is generally improving at night sleep.

When I had a refluxy baby it was a 'good day'.if I managed to get some washing.in the machine - not washed or anything - just actually in the machine. With non-refluxy baby I could strap him on, Hoover, peg out washing, do errands all sorts. So - its a totally different kettle of fish. Please show your DH this, he is probably comparing your situation to what he thinks he could get done. But if you have a refluxy baby and you are sleep deprived, you need all of his love, help and appreciation to just SURVIVE this bit. You CAN'T do any more! But it DOES get better, honest. BIG HUG.

Give him a taste of one or two days in your life and maybe he'll rethink his attitude.im lucky, my ds is over the difficult colicky stage we had at the beginning (I felt like a bloody wobble and the house was a mess), and my dh was incredibly supportive. Yanbu, it sounds like you're having a tough time and you need some support. Talk to him, you may appear to be coping on the outside and he may not have noticed!

Flip chart, if op uses baby's naps to get housework done, when is her down time?

In the evening, like her DP's down time?

A friend of mine said she tried to 'work' while her DP was working, so that they both had working days then shared out the rest. I think it's reasonable to expect the sahp to do what they can, recognise sometimes that will be nothing because sick baby/day out/etc, & the rest gets shared between the two adults.

Ah right. I use DD's naps and evening time to get housework done!

thisisnow. How much housework have you got to do if you are doing it in nap time and evenings? What 5 nights a week!
Bloody hell, keep it simple!

Well I barely get anything done when she's awake so dishes, Hoover and mop daily, clean the bathrooms, Hoover rest of house, washing, ironing! The list seems endless! I do have a cup of coffee as soon as she naps but time flies so if I don't get on with things nothing gets done!

You hoover and mop daily?! Why??

The kitchen floor gets the steam mop every day as dd likes to eat off it and there's crumbs everywhere so I Hoover them up.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha hoovering and mopping daily. You're nuts.

To the OP, if your kid is 8kg then you're doing yourself damage by carrying him in a sling. There must be other ways of soothing him. A blanky? A dummy?

Ocelot - here here , a refluxy baby is a full time job ime

Kiwi - really? Mine is 8kg and I manage in a sling - wouldn't sleep otherwise, with the reflux.

Just to entirely, totally, completely miss the point of the thread (because everyone else has got it well in hand I think)...

..you really can mop every day with a steam mop, quite easily. It takes about two minutes to do, it dries by itself in another ten, and you just take the pad off after and sling it in the washing machine. No other clearing up whatsoever eg dealing with buckets of dirty water. It works very well for me, who has an otherwise terrible and debilitating allergy to housework. Srsly.

Sorry - as you were.

I'm sure you can but you don't need to. Even if your child eats off the floor - just take your shoes off at the front door. Really, a little fluff isn't going to kill anyone

We don't wear our shoes in the house even though some people choose to ignore that but it's quick easy and keeps the place clean. It's a kitchen/living room so we do nearly all our activities there and spend most of our time in it so it's more than just a few bits of dust.

OddFodd quite true, of course, but this way I feel I'm achieving things and I can feel better about not doing the dusting.

Sorry, will stop derailing thread now.

It's some time since I had a baby - I've probably forgotten quite how grubby they can be :o

I'm shocked that so many people spend all of nap time doing housework. nap time is for napping most days. housework just happens throughout the day - make and eat lunch then wash up. sort laundry / mop while dd1 plays. or tidy drwaers upstairs while dd1 tries to put on clothes. dd2 watches or sleeps.
easier with two I guess as you dont expect to sit feeding all day. < nostalgic>

we work on the principles of equal free time, making each other's lives easier and low standards

Nothing wrong with carrying an 8kg baby in a sling. You just need one that is properly supportive of the baby (which some of the more popular slings on the market are not!).

Odd- have dd for a day, you've never known mess like it! Even when I think I've cleaned her up from eating she manages to get food spread around the room! plus (my own fault I am aware) snacks are eaten on the floor, chair, everywhere rug so it gets a bit messy

Seriously, I find it hard to get chores done as she just undoes everything! Unfolds washing, empties the machine, empties the cupboards, is off up the garden given half a chance! She does so well when we play together and I manage to cook while she colours but anything else is pointless as I just end up losing my rag so it's easier done when she's sleeping. My bedtime is down time!

Badgerface, which slings would you say are/aren't properly supportive?

OP, baby sling , bouncer and do your chores while baby is awake then put your feet up when dc sleeps.

Im on maternity and do the lions share, DH works 8-8pm so he just washes up when he gets in. I do the night wakening's if there are any. Im really enjoying it though, being able to cook and spend so much time with dd I don't think Im going to go back to work.

Come weekend though is a different matter. He will have dd2 the majority of the time while I escape he also does the night wakenings which absolutely kill him! But it makes him more appreciative . He also has a list of jobs waiting for him on a sunday! He knows staying at home and looking after dd2 and doing the daily chores day in day out is harder than his daily jaunt of to the office!

Don't be a push over!

fanjobiscuits have a read here.

YANBU OP, although to be fair I did also expect to get a lot done around the house while I was on maternity leave... before I had children. Then a real baby appeared and I was shattered and he wouldn't just goo while I did stuff, he'd wail like a demented banshee and cling onto my ankles and bite my knees until I was a nervous wreck, the house looked like a Kim and Aggie project 'before' shot and I couldn't wait until I got back to work so I could have half an hour commuting all by myself.