Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh is a selfish git

31 replies

nightbird80 · 03/12/2013 00:20

So I have a 12 month old and 2 older dc. I work weekends. Dh works during the week. He does have to get up early and has an hours drive to work. I cosleep in another room with baby dd as she wakes so he can rest. Tonight one of the older dc fell asleep in the bed. Probably shouldn't co sleep in these circumstances but just seemed easier to go with the flow.
Anyway dd1 was sick all over bed. So I have had to comfort her, change bedding clean matress etc and deal with distressed dd3. Dh heard because he got up to close the door to block out the noise.
Aibu to think that one nights broken sleep won't hurt and he should actually be a parent and get up.
So bloody angry and disappointed. This is not the 1st time this has happened but at least those times he may have just not heard.

OP posts:
MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 03/12/2013 00:22

So does he do the co sleepibg and night wakings at the weekend when you have to get up efor work and he is off¿

Original poster
nightbird80 · 03/12/2013 00:26

No, although I don't work full days at weekends. More casual work. I don't mind the cosleeping bit. It actually makes life much easier as baby can get comfort on tap.
Just think he should get up in extraordinary circumstances and vomiting is one of them.

OP posts:
timidviper · 03/12/2013 00:26

It is selfish but, in his defence, I really think the male brain does not see it how we do. DH might well have done the same.

The key here is if he would help if you had asked him.

I have given up expecting DH to use initiative and now just ask him to do whatever is needed. It works better for both of us

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 03/12/2013 00:30

Totally selfish of him BUT you let him do it. Next time go and get him / shout for him. Why on earth wouldn't you??

missingmumxox · 03/12/2013 00:35

I fail tinder what he has done wrong ?
He closed the door so he could not hear as he has work in the morning, I would do the same.
He didn't give out to you.
If I had been in you position I would have dragged my poor DH. Out of bed to help me work or no work hit that is
Me, one for all? But all he did was go back to sleep, you didn't ask him to do anything..,,
What worries me about your question is that
He may have a go at you in the morning and then my advice would be to tip the bowl you used to clear up with over his head,
If he is a nice guy, then ask him for help next time, he won't mind x

Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:35

in his defence, I really think the male brain does not see it how we do

What would he not see? A bed full of vomit because his child is ill and his co parent dealing with it alone?

The key here is if he would help if you had asked him.
a) he shouldnt need to be asked and b) it isnt "help" it is parenting.

I have given up expecting DH to use initiative and now just ask him to do whatever is needed

That is why he does nothing, because he knows that he doesnt have to. More fool you for accepting that.

missingmumxox · 03/12/2013 00:36

To find!!!!'

Original poster
nightbird80 · 03/12/2013 00:37

By the time he got up to shut the door the worst was over. It was just dd3 who needed settling and it is easier and quicker for me to do that. Tbh I am actually quite wary about asking him suspect he would moan.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:38

missing

Not sure what side you are on, but maybe take a wee bit more water with it next time?!

missingmumxox · 03/12/2013 00:40

Bogey totally agree with you, but in this casebi am not sure dh knows what is going on in a half asleep way so she should have asked him for help, but then again my Dh has had to ask me when he was co sleeping when I was at work,

Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:41

So he would moan. So what?!

He is as much their parent as you are, why the effing eff does he get to sleep through the tough stuff?!

Seems to me that your main issue is the fact that you dont expect him to step up and be a father instead of your employer.

missingmumxox · 03/12/2013 00:41

Am on a I Phone it keeps auto correcting

Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:42

Sorry Missing! Makes you look like you are a wee bit pissed! :o

missingmumxox · 03/12/2013 00:42

That said what the hell is casebi?

missingmumxox · 03/12/2013 00:43

:)

Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:45

:o

Original poster
nightbird80 · 03/12/2013 00:48

I do think he needs to step up but I do not think that a decent caring person should need to be asked. I was brought up to believe that if someone needs help and you are able to you help.
I did broach it with him the last time it happened. He claimed he only heard right near the end so he knows I would appreciate/expect help in these circumstances. Another chat needed in the morning I think.

OP posts:
Grennie · 03/12/2013 00:51

Yes he is being selfish. No you should not have to ask, he is their parent too. And men are perfectly capable of being decent parents too.

Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:53

Dont chat.

Shout, yell, get fucking pissed off.

He can right off a "chat" but he cant right off you saying "Your children need you and you dont give a toss. Your wife needs you and you get out of bed to shut the door. You are a selfish tosser."

Bogeyface · 03/12/2013 00:54

write not right!

Original poster
nightbird80 · 03/12/2013 18:20

Well he claims he did not realise she was sick. Yeah right. Next time I will be waking him.

OP posts:
TalkieToaster · 03/12/2013 18:29

Good! To give you an example, my DS did a massive poo in the night and needed it to be showered off as he was too distressed (he has ASD) for me to change him. DP was ill in bed and I didn't want to disturb him, so I tried to handle it myself. Despite the fact he couldn't actually stand up without reeling into walls, he STILL got up once he realised what was going on and came to help.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 03/12/2013 22:38

Sorry but you should have shouted 'Oi, are you going to give me a hand or WHAT!?' In an ideal world you shouldn't have to ask, but maybe you've done it all for so long he's taking you for granted. Communicate more

Original poster
nightbird80 · 03/12/2013 23:24

Next time I will. And his reaction will speak volumes about whether he gives a toss about us.

OP posts:
Gripewater · 04/12/2013 01:21

Good god. I can understand if he'd slept through it as some people miraculously can. But it's the fact that he was woken up, got out of bed and then chose to close the door rather than investigate if you needed a hand, he simply closed the door.

Yanbu. I shake my head reading these threads. What's the point?

Swipe left for the next trending thread