to think dh is a selfish git

[nightbird80]

So I have a 12 month old and 2 older dc. I work weekends. Dh works during the week. He does have to get up early and has an hours drive to work. I cosleep in another room with baby dd as she wakes so he can rest. Tonight one of the older dc fell asleep in the bed. Probably shouldn't co sleep in these circumstances but just seemed easier to go with the flow.
Anyway dd1 was sick all over bed. So I have had to comfort her, change bedding clean matress etc and deal with distressed dd3. Dh heard because he got up to close the door to block out the noise.
Aibu to think that one nights broken sleep won't hurt and he should actually be a parent and get up.
So bloody angry and disappointed. This is not the 1st time this has happened but at least those times he may have just not heard.

Night sorry to say this but his reaction what happened has already spoken volumes.

He heard the noise, got up and closed the door. He didnt even ask if everything was ok, he just closed the door. He didnt bother to find out who was ill, it could have been you! It could have been you that puked all over your co sleeping child and was too ill to clean up, but he didnt care enough to find out.

He has already made it clear that he doesnt give a toss and just expects you to pick up the slack for his non existent parenting.

The question is, now you know that he puts his own nights sleep above the health and well being of his wife and children, what will you do about it?

By all means have a chat but you will need to call him on this next time it happens, because he will clearly do as little as he can get away with. And he should be doing night wakings for the older two on weekends - fair's fair, you do the nights if he is working next day and he does the same for you. Plus you should each get a day's lie in at the weekend if your start time permits this.

the 'it's the male brain' stuff is deeply patronizing to men. They are neither useless not exalted beings, just normal humans who are as able to deal with children as women.

Male brain my arse.

DH has always helped out with ours in the night and I'm a SAHM while he works full-time. I try and do most of it so that he can get a decent night, but he has only about 5 times in 5 years said 'I need to have x-hours undisturbed', and that has been before either an interview or a big presentation etc.

Your DH thinks he is more important than you are, that is the bottom line of your situation. How you change it I don't know, but at least acknowledge what you are dealing with.

the 'it's the male brain' stuff is deeply patronizing to men

Totally agree. If I said to H that I didnt expect him to be able to be a decent parent as he is "only" a man, he would be angry, disgusted and insulted. As would my ex, my father, my BIL and my son. My son isnt a parent yet but the last time we had a major case of D&V in the house and I was up with DD, he got up and asked me and H if he could help.

He is being selfish. I can't see how he can claim otherwise!

YANBU. No such thing as "the male brain". A parent is a parent. My DH had one of our small ones up for a feed at 5am yesterday, he projectile vomited all over himself and DH. DH roared for me to get up, I didn't hear him, so he put DC down on a mat on the floor and came and woke me up so he could clean up while I sorted DC. It's supposed to be a team. This is like when women say their husband is "babysitting" and are grateful. It isn't babysitting, it's parenting and it's meant to be 50/50. If one person needs extra sleep - a long drive or whatever, fair enough, the other should accommodate. Even if he had no intention of settling your DD, the very least he should have done was asked if all was okay and gone to get you another set of bedding and pyjamas.