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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DD having school meal

67 replies

HavingAnOffDAy · 02/12/2013 21:56

DD(6) has a dance lesson straight from school tomorrow. Her friends mum will take her & drop her back at our house at around 5pm (we take turns every other week).

DD then has another event to attend with her Rainbow pack, which starts at 6:45pm. We need to leave our house at 6:30 in order to be there on time.

DH finishes work at 2pm tomorrow. He'll need to pick DS up from nursery but there's no school run to do due to said dance class.

DH told DD she'd have to have a hot school lunch tomorrow as she won't have time to have dinner between events.

I said she'd be fine with packed lunch (her preferred option) as an hour and a half is plenty of time for her to eat a hot meal & get changed.

Was IBU? DH has just done his nut saying I was contradicting him & letting her have her own way.

I honestly cannot see an issue. He has plenty of time to prepare her something & she has plenty of time to eat it.

I won't be home from work until 6pm tomorrow in case you're wondering Smile

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 03/12/2013 07:58

I don't think you were tbh. There's no reason on earth why he can't throw dinner together.

I certainly wouldnt be happy if my dp made my dd have a school meal she was unlikely to eat or enjoy merely to get out of doing anything.

Original poster
HavingAnOffDAy · 03/12/2013 07:59

Exactly

I was furious. Especially as it was shouted at me from the other side of the room, in front of the DC

OP posts:
Original poster
HavingAnOffDAy · 03/12/2013 08:01

And the point is he wasn't going to cook.

He wanted her to eat at school so that he'd be able to give her crackers or toast.

He never cooks/makes a meal.

OP posts:
FrauMoose · 03/12/2013 08:02

I think in cold weather, warm food at some point after school and before going out again is comforting. Also most young children to need to eat regularly - or they may become tired and emotional. I don't think hot food takes much longer to prepare than an uncooked snack. If a parent can't do a quick bowl of pasta/soup and toast/baked beans/fish fingers etc in 15 minutes, I don't think they have really got the job description sorted out.

NoComet · 03/12/2013 08:03

DH would just do as he was told.
He wouldn't give a flying fuck if I changed the plan, so long as he had clear instructions what he was cooking and precise times for when he had to be where and with what kit.

He has been known to be presented with written Grin

NoComet · 03/12/2013 08:03

Instructions.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/12/2013 08:04

He was being an arse. Perhaps if he bothered to actually think and involve himself with decisions involving the dc he would realise these things and not need to have things questioned because they clearly haven't been thought through.

You can't let your wife make all the decisions then suddenly appear to care and get hacked off.

tweetytwat · 03/12/2013 08:06

I tend to give DD a hot dinner at school and sandwiches for tea on Rainbows dayGrin

But because even fish fingers ends up in a rush. I would not take kindly to DH telling me I should cook a tea instead

TicTacZebra · 03/12/2013 08:10

YANBU. So your DP thinks that a meal at 12/1pm will last her the rest of the day, when she has all these activities to go to? Sorry, I don't care if it made me controlling, I'd be telling him to make her another meal too. Even if he didn't have a whole 90 minutes (!) to prepare something, a sandwich takes about 2 minutes to make, and can be eaten in the car.

So all those who have said op is BU, would you honestly let your DD go that long without food, just because you didn't want to appear to be 'controlling' or 'undermining' your DPs?

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/12/2013 08:10

I expect however that most people's cold teas would be a bit more thought out than the dad was planning. Crackers would be fine if she'd actually have had a good lunch. But op knows she won't. Ergo providing a decent meal for her is important.

diddl · 03/12/2013 08:11

I don't think that YWBU.

If she wouldn't eat a school meal then it's a waste.

I would be cooking for her in that instance & so would assume that my husband would in the same instance iyswim.

NearTheWindmill · 03/12/2013 08:19

It wouldn't have been an issue here. I'd have had it planned with instructions over the the weekend. Probably something easy like tomato soup, a nice soft roll and piece of edam cheese. All sorted and would have left the soup and the roll in clingfilm in the bowl. My DH doesn't know he's born.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/12/2013 08:47

Seems op is not alone in having a partner incapable of feeding their child. I'm not sure how well mine would fair either given I always plan the meals too and leave him something idiot proof Blush

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 03/12/2013 08:55

His decision is questionable, but I can think of all kinds of times where I've been clear in my mind that doing such and such a thing will be a rush and a faff for various reasons and then made plans which are similar to his... I'd be very annoyed if dp stepped in and said 'but of course you will have time to drop her off/cook her tea/get both of them from different places', after I'd asked one to sort her own tea or get a bus or something.

So yes, YABU I'm afraid.

FrauMoose · 03/12/2013 09:02

Perhaps the point is that as children get older and have more activities - and the parent who may have done much of the caring when the children were very small, is more likely to be working for longer hours - some flexibility is important.

The old-fashioned 'Mum does children's tea, while Dad is out at work' is very limiting. I can see that some parents find it harder to change than others. But family life changes and good parents should be able to cover for one another in such basic matters as ensuring children are fed, watered, bathed and clothed, kept warm etc etc.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/12/2013 09:03

But all those saying she was BU are doing so on the basis that the op disagreed with her husband and said so.

And sounds like they would all let their child go hungry to prove a point or to allow their partners to prove a point

Surely an adult should be able to put that aside and do what's best for the dd. Letting her go hungry on a meal she won't eat and wouldn't be enough for many kids even if they did eat it is not all so he can continue getting out of cooking is not why's best by anyone's standards surely??

DoJo · 03/12/2013 09:10

I think it's tragic that so many people don't trust their partners to perform basic childcare tasks without having to be told or given instructions.

curlew · 03/12/2013 09:11

"I think he is being lazy. I didn't say that to him, as his response when I said she could have a packed lunch was to call me a shit mother. In front of DD.

I just wanted a reality check as to whether I really was being shit."

Ah. So why are you asking about food then? I still think you are being unreasonable about the food thing, but that is complete irrelevant. If he talks to you like that whether in front of the children or not, then you need to do something about it. Now.

MrsOakenshield · 03/12/2013 09:15

he's in charge so let him do what he's comfortable with. DH can cook, but he's much slower at it than me and might find the time pressure a bit much to cope with. She won't starve or pass out on a couple of small meals once.

He shouldn't have shouted at you though, even though I'm guessing your tone of voice infuriated him (your posts sound pretty annoying tbh!). Is this an ongoing issue?

thepig · 03/12/2013 09:17

FFS is this what the world has come to?

Arguments over the minutae of a child's food intake on ONE day.

I'm really not one of the 'first world problems' people who get annoyed at frivolous threads...but this just winds me up.

Our kids eat better than most of the world, most kids that have ever existed...and now we're arguing over timings and bloody temperature of said food on ONE day?

I'm not even saying oh think of the less fortunate children. Just that your daughter will be fine whatever happens, and life is far too short for this kind of crap.

Sorry but your op is just a bit depressing. Having kids really doesn't need to be so anal, structured and lacking in fun.

/rantover

Merrylegs · 03/12/2013 09:17

He is BU in thinking school 'hot meal'= filling. This bonkers belief that school 'hot meal' = job done. It's OK to have two 'hot meals' a day. Or even two 'packed lunches'. As long as at one of them you know that your child will eat it all.

curlew · 03/12/2013 09:19

Er- have you noticed the OP's recent post? That her Dp called her a "shit mother" in front of their children? This isn't about food.

curlew · 03/12/2013 09:20

But if it was still about food, my ds's favourite meal for such circumstances as this is a packet of sushi.

Cold and convenience! What does that say about me?

Preciousbane · 03/12/2013 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrauMoose · 03/12/2013 09:24

I'd suggest that when there's a good underlying relationship, parents manage to sort these things out without verbal abuse in front of the kids.