To dislike it when dp arranges things that involve me?

[muddyprints]

I think I probably am being unreasonable actually and I'm not sure why I feel like this.
I'm a sahm, dp works 6 days a week, I do the school run and take dd2 to play groups, swimming, walks, shopping so we aren't in much. We tend to be in on afternoons when dd has a nap and I do internet shop, housework and gardening and relax a bit.
If we need work doing on the house or a parcel is due then I wait in.

Today is dps dad's birthday, dp is working and has an evening meeting so can't visit him. He knew this in advance but made no attempt to visit at the weekend. He has phoned his dad and said he will drop his present tomorrow but his dad said he might pop round today. No mention of a time. So I've put dd to bed and I've had to keep an eye out for them whilst doing the washing,dusting round etc as if the doorbell goes dd will wake. I'm out at 3 on school run and got to drop another dc home so won't be back till almost 4 then I need to do dinner and I have a feeling the ils will turn up and be waiting for us after school and this stresses me out and I'm not sure why.

I just wish if people want to visit when only I'm in that they would arrange with me so I know when to expect them.

Dp does this all the time, the week before Xmas when dds are both home I plan nice things to do and then dp will tell me that his friends/relatives are coming wed morning and we have to sit in and wait all morning for his friends and I feel like he is telling me what to do with my time.

I think I feel it should be my choice if people are visiting me.

I am unreasonable aren't I?

Oh sorry Samandi - thank you for clarifying. I only skim read the thread to see how the op was getting on. Apologies for thinking it was you - I was just quite shocked to see such a horrible response so what I had posted.

No worries :-)

I'm a SAHM and get pissed off with my hubby for arranging things without running it past me first, it makes me think he doesn't appreciate that my time isn't my own and I can't always reorganise.

As far as the in laws go, I'd have phoned in the morning with a cheery 'Happy Birthday' and discussed when I could vist or when they could come to me.

If hubby buys stuff and tells me there is a delivery due then I tell him if I'm in I'm in but I'm actually going out to do xxxx but will try to be in as much as possible. I miss the deliveries and he now will at least ask.

Tbh, I think you sound too passive and you get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated.

I wouldn't put up with that shit.

If someone wants to make an arrangement with me, they make it with me. If DP makes an arrangement with someone, he makes it on his own behalf. If it's joint, we check with the other. Normal, surely.

I carry my phone in my pocket so if I'm in the garden, or don't hear the door, they can call me.

Why do his friends (as you put it, not joint friends) want to come round to see you anyway? Why don't they arrange a time when their friend is home? If they're arranging with you, they need to arrange with you.

Just tell people what's convenient. You don't have to justify your plans or adapt them for others' convenience if you don't want to.

Personally I hate open-ended arrangements and would almost always arrange a specific time, or slot between named times. I only wouldn't if I know I'm going to be pottering about all afternoon doing interruptable things and really am available throughout, or am hosting a drop-in sort of event.

We'll after ils not turning up yesterday, dp had asked them round tonight after dinner. At 6 he rang his dad and said i presume you aren't coming again then? Fil then came over and stayed for half hour and mil didn't come at all?
I think they make loose plans and then just can't be bothered to go out so don't ring or cancel they just don't bother.
Will be sticking to my own plans from now on.

Flakey McFlakerson.

Sod them.

It's so inconsiderate of them muddy! Definitely start sticking to your own plans - they'll soon learn that they can't just take your time for granted!