To ask what should I do to help homeless man without seeming patronising?

[Ceasre]

On my walk to work in the mornings I see a homeless man. He used to be able to take shelter in one of the office blocks which had some shelter so I guess that was where he slept at night, but that is now being refurbished and their are boards covering it. Now he seems to be on the pavement outside a shop in his usual sleeping bag.

He doesn't seem to beg for money, he always just looks so sad and tired. He seems quite young and I often wonder what has happened in his life that has led him to this. I sometimes see people talking to him, but I have never plucked up the courage to because I don't want to make him feel patronised, but I would like to help him in some small way.

He inspired me last Christmas to donate to Crisis and I intend to do that this year as well, but would like to give him some money directly. I guess my question is would you or is there something else I should do?

A lot of charities etc advise against giving money because there's the worry of addiction. Has he got a proper hat and gloves? If not I'd get him a set. A fleecy blanket? A hot cuppa every morning would be nice too. I always think I'll do things like this and I never get round to it :( you've inspired me to find someone to help tomorrow

I'd ask him if he likes tea or coffee and how he likes it, then present him with a cup. Maybe bring him a snack aswell.

I agree a hot drink would be a nice idea and maybe a sandwich. I did this recently - I was Christmas shopping and it just struck me that I could afford to buy lovely presents that no one really needs, DS and I had a nice lunch out and someone was just sitting there in the freezing cold with nothing - his sleeping bag had also been stolen . You could find out if there is a local food bank or shelter and if he knows about it?

Yeah, I'd avoid giving money directly as you may well assist an addiction that's contributing to his situation.

Poor man. How awful to be homeless, especially in the cold

I was going to say warm layers. Or perhaps buy him a camping mat to lie on.

I'm sure a hot drink every day would very much appreciated.

And yes, ask him tea or coffee, and how he takes it. < < sounds obvious but i learned that bit from a thread here a few months ago.

Good for you for doing this OP.

Most Homeless Charities have outreach services, it would be good to keep an eye in him and make sure that he is under the radar, if things seem to change.

I had bought a few pairs if men's gloves one year, to throw in as extras. I gave away a pair to a man outside the store whose hands were blue. I never saw him wear them, I think he sold them.

I agree with asking if he wants a hot drink.

This is going to sound harsh, but there are hostels and the reasons why some homeless people don't take them, or get asked to leave, is because if addiction, violence or other criminal activity.

Of course, there a some who have LD's or MH problems and fall through the net, but at my time as a Welfare Advisor and when I was involved with a Homeless Shelter (The Basement in Liverpool), these were the minority.

There may be drop in places that you can get a shower and wash your clothes, in your city.

You could start a conversation, whilst giving him a drink and possibly toast? and take it from there.

Don't take what he says as face value and protect yourself, though. Research and get him in touch with agencies, but not every homeless person is a victim.

Smile at him, then say hello, then pass the time of day, little comments as you would to, say, a shopkeeper eg 'Lovely day!' or whatever. Do those in increments if it helps you to build up the courage. If you want to get straight to the point, ask him about the office building and now the doorway; is that where he was staying, how is it in the doorway etc. Apparently, one of the most isolating things is being invisible, people avoiding eye contact; so looking at him and engaging with him goes a long way.

He is actually quite vulnerable in that doorway - there are some members of the population who think it is a sport to kick people sleeping in doorways (and those are the milder things he's vulnerable to). The relevant authorities will know about him but they can't force him to engage with them re rehabilitation, housing; but he may be accessing support services somewhere along the line. If the temperature gets to zero or below, there are designated centres that open their doors so that rough sleepers are inside for the night. At Christmas there are centres (in cities) that open 24/7 for a week-ish, where guests are fed and entertained with a warm, safe-ish place to sleep. You could talk to him about that - is he going to attend a christmas project, what is he planning to do at Christmas, where does he get his food. Get to know him. He may be reluctant or he may gush, you never know.

I wouldnt give him money outright, I would be more inclined to give him drinks etc - you could ask him if he wants a tea/coffee and how he likes it, for instance - then that gives an opening to chat, if that's what you want. He will have more than enough food if you are in a city and he attends the relevant centres at mealtimes. Just chat to him, you don't need to be afraid to broach subjects - tbh he'll be used to people getting straight to the point. Listen to what he says, don't try to sort him out (unless he asks) but, if you like, offer suggestions as you would to a friend; be natural. Get your boundaries ready to say 'no' if he asks for something you are not prepared to give.

You may not get to that (above) but a smile, a wave, a greeting goes a long way. I do a lot of work with the homeless as a volunteer and it helps to be in a setting that is amenable to contact iyswim. It also breaks down the fear of how to relate.

Find out about charities in your area which help the homeless. You may be able to point him in the direction of one or get advice from them.

A cup of tea is a good starting point, but possibly a flask (soup?) might be better. He can get it refilled and it will stay hot. Acknowledging him and saying hello would also be a good start. Homeless people feel invisible, just that friendly face will make a difference.

The state of Mens places where homelessness is concerned is shockingly inadequate in this country overall,and i've no doubt it's inadequate in other areas too.

Anyone sleeping rough on the streets is a victim in some way or other and specially at this time of year.

I always rummage through my pockets when I see someone who is down on their luck and do not judge if they are going to buy booze or drugs...speak to the person you are giving to and try to empathise without being condescending.

Every time I see a young person cold and on the streets my heart sinks.

Depending on where you are, you could contact No Second Night Out: www.nosecondnightout.org.uk/

I second (third!) when people suggest buying him a hot drink & breakfast.

I'd say a hot drink and a sandwich would be a big thing for him

I work for a homelessness charity and I would defiantly recommend contacting no second night out or whatever similar outreach service is available in your area, most have a number you can call. It may sound harsh to say this particularly given how cold it is, but buying warm clothes and blankets may not always be the best approach as you are making his life on the streets more comfortable, essentially enabling him.

caruthers
Please take a look at this then reconsider your idea of "someone down on their luck"
www.thamesreach.org.uk/news-and-views/campaigns/giving-to-beggars/

Surely the money is better spent by giving to homelessness charities.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude

Not everyone is a drug user and many places don't have access to homeless resources.

And the term "Beggars" is shocking.

caruthers
Did you even read it?

"This evidence comes from a number of sources. Firstly Thames Reach’s outreach teams including its London Street Rescue service who are out and about on the streets of the capital working with London’s homeless 365 days of the year. They estimate that 80 per cent of people begging do so to support a drug habit.

In the experience of frontline workers, people are more likely to accept help and to address their addictions when they are not receiving money from begging.

Secondly, when the Metropolitan Police did some drug testing of people arrested for begging, the figures indicated that between 70 and 80 per cent tested positive for Class A drugs."

I appreciate this specific person is not begging but the principle is the same. The vast majority of homelessness charities support the approach of not giving money directly and to avoid inadvertantly facilitate someone living on the streets.

I know I'm going to get a terrible flaming but I used to work in a kiosk at the bottom of a block of flats in a big city. I used to get loads of "beggers" come and change up the money they used to get begging and it used to be loads more than I was earning then they used to go upstairs to their flats. If you want to give then give to a charity.

I would just ask them if there's anything you can do or get for him. I wouldnt buy him anything without asking first. He may be fully supplied with tea/coffee etc.

If you'd like to do something nice for him, I think you should just be bold and ask him if there's anything he needs. If he doesn't need/want anything (and even if he's unpleasant about it) then it's not any harm done and you can go on your way knowing you meant well and you tried to help. If he wants something that you can't give him then similarly, you shouldn't feel bad, you showed an interest, and it's better than not trying at all. Most likely he'll ask for that cup of tea/coffee, or a sandwich or a pair of warm gloves etc and you'll feel much better for being able to help him in a small way that really made a difference. I don't agree with itsatrap at all, I absolutely cannot see a hot drink or even a fleecey blanket making the difference between someone thinking 'oh I should really go and find a shelter to stay in tonight' and 'oh I won't bother, I'm now so comfortable out here'.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude

There is no principle.

A study has shown that 40% of homeless people are ex forces and most of them could/would benefit from direct charity from passers by ie the general public.

Some of these charities don't serve many areas and giving to them may not help a homeless person in your area.

Then you give to a local charity [puzzled]

Direct charity is not a long term solution. Would I buy food for a hungry person? of course - most of us would - but continued support to stay on the streets does not help solve the real problems that this person faces.

even

ChazsBrilliantAttitude

I'd agree with you that it's not a long term solution.