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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have expected niece to help with housework?

33 replies

EvaBeaversProtege · 01/12/2013 19:16

Dniece is almost 14 and has been staying with us this weekend.

We're all very close & live near each other & I treat her like I of my own dd who is a year younger.

I work all week, as does dh, & we tend to do a big clean up @ weekends. Dd is good at housework, she usually stays on top of her room, does bathroom & loads/unloads dishwasher when needed.

Yesterday I treated dd & niece to a day out, meaning I had to catch up on stuff today.

Dd pitched in, done bathroom, her room etc & I asked niece to carry towels to bathroom. She refused saying she doesn't do it at home - which is when I said she wasn't at home, she was at mine & if I asked her to help me, she should.

It's the only thing I asked of her all weekend.

When her mother arrived to pick her up she acted exhausted. & said she had been made to work all weekend... I laughed, as did dh, thinking she was meaning the opposite & being ironic!
Turns out she thinks that pouring her own cereal yesterday, making her bed & putting her dishes in the dishwasher is all housework.

Her mother told her to get her stuff & she'd run her a bath when they got home... Then on the way out she hugged my dd & said she'd have to come & stay soon so she could get a weekend of "free child labour" like I did.

I said nothing at the time, but it's been eating at me since! Surely I didn't ask her at almost 14 to do too much?

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

BOF · 01/12/2013 19:17

YANBU. Her mother is making a rod for her own back there.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 01/12/2013 19:18

No.

but your sister is a prat.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 01/12/2013 19:18

She hasn't helped with the housework though has she, she's just tidied up after herself which any normal person would be expected to do!

Or did she do more?

If she's just tidied up after herself I see no problem and her mums comments were uncalled for, if she was helping with the general house chores I think it's different.

marmitecat · 01/12/2013 19:19

Yanbu my 3yo pours own cereal and makes bed.

hermioneweasley · 01/12/2013 19:19

What she did is absolutely nothing. I wouldn't be having her to stay again.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2013 19:20

I pity her first house mates. I really do.

Salmotrutta · 01/12/2013 19:20

Definitely YANBU!

God, I was doing my own laundry at 14 in addition to washing up, setting the table and keeping my own room tidy!

Cheeky monkey! (Your niece, not you! )

phantomnamechanger · 01/12/2013 19:21

she can't even pour her own cereal??

she is being raised a precocious princess and no mistake! Downright rude not to carry the towels through and to make such a fuss - after a treat day too! Its not like you asked her to scrub the loo out with a toothbrush!

harticus · 01/12/2013 19:21

YANBU - The 'free child labour' comment would have pissed me off.
And she sounds like a lazy little mare.

expatinscotland · 01/12/2013 19:22

I wouldn't have her stay, either.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 01/12/2013 19:22

I skim read the post and missed the towels part, wtf?! She wouldn't be coming again, that's ridiculous and very hard faced.

Vivacia · 01/12/2013 19:22

Wow. I'd be hard pushed to treat her to another lovely day out in future.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2013 19:22

The poor love, how could you do that to her?

If she tried it on much more she could probably get tomorrow off school for exhaustion?

Hahaha

Was her mum just joking though?

Salmotrutta · 01/12/2013 19:23

And her mother was going to "run a bath" for her?

Will it be ass's milk too?

Sirzy · 01/12/2013 19:23

DS is 4 and seemingly is more capable of helping around the house than your dn.

She is in for a big shock when she moves out of home in a few years!

574ejones · 01/12/2013 19:23

I wouldn't ask my nephews to tidy up if they were at mine for the weekend, however, my children (11 & 16) do their own breakfasts and packed lunches and are expected to keep their rooms clean, put their laundry in the right place etc. I don't think it is child labour but the older they get they need to have more responsibilities.

Her mother obviously does it all for her which I think is unreasonable at that age.

HazleNutt · 01/12/2013 19:23

so at home, mum makes her bed, prepares cereal and cleans up the dishes? For a teenager? At that age I would expect that she does her fair share of cleaning and cooks dinners for the whole family occasionally.
You were unreasonable not saying anything about it.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 01/12/2013 19:26

I would text the parent "I am.not running a concentration camp, but I do expect everyone in the house to clear up after themselves. Until your dd is prepared to clear up after hersef when she is at mine, I suggest she refrain from.visiting, and we will make all visits out and about".

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 01/12/2013 19:26

Does mummy put toothpaste on babba's toothbrush too?

Someone is in for a HUGE shock when they leave home!

BrownSauceSandwich · 01/12/2013 19:26

God love her. Carry towels upstairs? And you weren't even paying her?

phantomnamechanger · 01/12/2013 19:26

at 14 I was cooking meals and washing - the hard way with a twin tub!- for whole family as mum was ill. would also do hoovering and anything else that was needed TBH.

my DDs are 11 and 13 - they are expected to set and clear the table, one sweeps the kitchen /dining room floor a couple of times a week and the other empties the bathrooms bin a couple of times a week - they get docked £1 for forgetting these simple chores ( they don't forget). they also both love cooking and help at least once a week. they are also responsible for their own breakfasts and keeping their rooms tidy including hoovering/dusting.

Corygal · 01/12/2013 19:30

DN is daft. And rude.

YANBU. Why would you have her back?

zatyaballerina · 01/12/2013 19:31

Your sister is an idiot and a very rude one at that. When both your daughters are adults, hers will be one of those spoilt brats still living at home, too lazy to work, having all her meals, laundry and everything else provided for her while your sister wonders what went wrong. Your daughter will be independent, capable of taking care of herself and any home she's living in which will make her a very pleasant person to live with.

Dd is only two yet is able to put her dishes in the dishwater and help me make her bed. That's not housework and in no way child labour!

Pilgit · 01/12/2013 19:31

YANBU! It is exactly that treatment that leads to loathsome entitled teenagers. You are teaching your DD that she has to do things for herself - you are teaching her to be responsible and independent. My 4 year old is expected to make her bed, put her washing in the washing basket, helps wash up, helps do the dusting (for some reason she adores dusting), cleans the loo better than either of her parents (it seriously sparkles after she's been at it - I don't know how she does it!). But enough of the stealth boasting (okay not really very stealthy at all) but the point being me and DH both work full time, she is learning early that we all make mess and we have a duty to those we live with to do our bit sorting it out. That if we all get on and do it quickly with a smile not only will we get to the fun stuff quicker but it might actually be fun (or at least satisfying) in the doing.

phantomnamechanger · 01/12/2013 19:32

oh, mine also help put shopping deliveries away, and their laundry in the right baskets and their clean laundry away in the right places. Lordy, I must be a Wicked Mother!

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