So who is UB?

[tillyo]

Back story, DH Nan passed away last Sunday very suddenly from a fall. On Wednesday Mil invited us round for dinner as Bil kids will be there (we don't see them much) we said will be round about 3. Mil then said she needed to sort Nan's flat out so DH asked to go with her on Saturday which was agreed. So come today we phoned as we left home and said "we're popping to asda and be we'll round at planned time" we turn up just before 3. As soon as we get there Fil already has kids jackets on to take them to watch Bil play football and Mil and Dh aunt have they coats on. They explained that they was going to nans to sort her clothes out for the funeral parlor so Dh said we'll come Aunt then turns rounds and said i don't want you there its a personal thing and that they are only going to choose clothes. Big argument started with Dh telling her to F off she then threatens to lamp him one. i step in and say it was the way she said it and was told she was grieving for her mum and cause Dh has not seen Nan for a while that we have no right to be there. They ended up going with out us and we stayed in Mil house on our own for 45 minutes when they came back aunt refused to talk to us and left without evening saying goodbye. who is BU here? Dh is going to text to say sorry regardless for his DM as it will cause problems at funeral but not sure what to say as we don't mean it. We ended up going round there later but its the way we was spoken to.

Sorry so long

dhs aunt never visits her mum but always is agressive and overly opinionated when any devision has to be made. hasn't seen her for 6 months now and lives down the road.

the family who actually slog to care for her and be with her all the time, cook her meals, stave off the lonlieness are very unimpressed when she goes
off on one about 'the level of care' she should be recieving

if she does die in future (she is v healthy atm) she will be the one wailing the loudest and demanding to be involved etc.

It was only right that the clothes choosing was done by the daughters. Nothing to do with the grandchildren.

Your DH should have backed off.

And what he said to his aunt (in front of the children?) was very wrong.

Dh said we'll come Aunt then turns rounds and said i don't want you there its a personal thing and that they are only going to choose clothes.

At that point your husband should of said, "We understand, is there anything we can do to help?"

Not argued and behaved like a spoilt brat.

He needs to apologies and grow up.

if she does die in future (she is v healthy atm) she will be the one wailing the loudest and demanding to be involved etc.

Being dead usually precludes wailing and demanding much.

I am trying to understand what happened. This is clear.

MiL going to nan's house. Her son, your DH, plans to go to. His aunt says no and isn't nice about it. She lives close by and hasn't seen her mum for six months. But uses that as the reason her nephew can't go and says she will thump him if he does. He tells her to fuck off.

MiL has to go choose clothes on her own while her sister gets to go with the support of her children.

There is another aunt who lives in Spain and is insisting on doing all the funeral arrangements. If your MiL sends flowers to her morher's funeral they will be rejected, according to this aunt.

Only the children of the two aunts are allowed to participate in the service.

Good grief your poor mother in law. Have they always treated her like this?

This is unclear I meant.

Awful behaviour fro your DH. Telling his aunt to fuck off when she's just lost her mother is a vile thing to do.

What a weird family dynamic. After reading all your posts OP I have no idea who was to blame! Did your MIL have bad history with her Mum?

Are the Aunt's children girls? Because I can understand if that's the case. They may have thought that talk of underwear and things would be inappropriate in front of her grandson?