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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure what to make of this?

35 replies

stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 01:55

Hi everyone, just wondered if someone could give a bit of perspective on this. I've been sat mulling it over for hours and can't make any sense out of it!

I'd dozed off on the sofa this evening for a couple of hours while DH was doing what he usually does (on his iPad all night) ok that's another story but what's bothered me is this: I woke up and DH put down iPad and said he was going up to bed, I said I was just going to get a drink, check my emails and be up shortly. Off he went and I went to make a cup of tea. I came back into the living room and my phone had died so I used DH iPad to check my messages. I'm always astounded that DH can spend some much time online (he's obsessed with his hobby) but I cant be arsed moaning about it tbh. Anyway, I checked the browsing history out of curiosity and saw there where links to toy shops, opening times and one particular childs toy. This is what's confused me. Our eldest is 25 and in all our years together he's never bought a present I've always done the birthdays/Christmas present buying. Our DC are teens/adults so it's not for any of them. We do have a 5 month old GD but the particular toy he's been looking at is too old for her, plus it would be a bloody miracle if he was actually toy shopping!

Sorry, I don't mean to make him sound like a total arse but I'm just very confused be the browsing history. Any ideas?

OP posts:
drbonnieblossman · 29/11/2013 02:00

what toy is it? just wondering if maybe it's an old classic and he's having a reminisce?

Amy106 · 29/11/2013 02:03

It sounds like a trip down memory lane. What kind of a toy is it?

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:04

Thank you for your replies, I could understand if it was an old classic but it's Henry hugglemonster :-/

OP posts:
mumofbeautys · 29/11/2013 02:06

maybe he likes them .. I was tempted to by myself a scully from monsters inc yesterday lol .. maybe ask him just tell him the truth you saw it on his ipad .. good luck

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:11

Lol, I might buy him one for Christmas and see what he says :-D. It just seems very odd especially for him. I'm a bit concerned at just asking as I don't want him to feel I've been prying or spying on him. I give him space and never think to check up on him. It was just curiosity at what he can see so interesting online so much so often .... I wish I hadn't looked now!

OP posts:
drbonnieblossman · 29/11/2013 02:13

what are your instincts?

He's not been secretive about it by scurrying off and taking iPad with him and presumably won't have an issue with you using the ipad?

all I can say is if someone analysed my browsing history theyd find a right old mix of sites i've been on for all manner of reasons?

drbonnieblossman · 29/11/2013 02:13

what are your instincts?

He's not been secretive about it by scurrying off and taking iPad with him and presumably won't have an issue with you using the ipad?

all I can say is if someone analysed my browsing history theyd find a right old mix of sites i've been on for all manner of reasons?

Rosencrantz · 29/11/2013 02:26

He probably just saw an advert and thought 'what the hell is that?'

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:31

I'm not really sure to be honest, it was a bit uhhhh? When I saw it. He can be rather secretive, that annoys me about him tbh. I found out he'd spent over £900 on his hobby a few months ago that he'd not told me about. It was quite by accident that I suspected something and on digging deeper the truth came out. I was blazing with him and told him although I was annoyed at the gross amount of money he'd spent the secrecy and deceit hurts more. He says he hides things from me to save arguments or me being annoyed with him :-/

He always leaves the iPad between the chair and sofa so it would be strange to take it with him and he knows I'd suspect something was amiss if he took it off with him. He keeps his phone on him all the time and never leaves it anywhere, he sits it in the drawer in his bedside table charging at night. He says he doesn't want it getting lost or broken, I tease him about it and say he treats his phone better than me lol

OP posts:
Justshabbynochic · 29/11/2013 02:34

Is he on a forum? I Google weird stuff from here all the time. Maybe someone posted on a forum looking for one?

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:36

You could be right rozencrantz. He does know the character, our dg likes to watch baby tv sometimes when she stays over so we've seen the programme on Disney when flicking through. Looking up the local toysrus and smyths opening times threw me a bit though :-/ (apologise if mentioning store names is again MN rules blush

OP posts:
Justshabbynochic · 29/11/2013 02:37

The phone thing is slightly odd. I know where my DP's phone is more often than he does. But still doesn't necessarily mean anything. What's the hobby?

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:38

Yes, he does go on a few forums - you could be right, they tend to post mostly hobby related stuff but I guess someone could have mentioned it and he was helpfully googling info for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:41

He is very odd with his phone, it was an issue at first but he said I was being paranoid. I know if someone wants to do wrong there are other ways than using their own phone so I ignore it now.

He's into fishing.

OP posts:
Justshabbynochic · 29/11/2013 02:49

Maybe just the forum thing then? Some clueless dad or grandad posting that they need one but don't know where to go maybe? Or maybe he isn't considering your
dg's age but is thinking she'd like it.

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 02:54

Thank you all for your help. Maybe DH is right and I am paranoid :-/ lol. Might just see how this one pans out and see if he mentions anything to me :-)

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 29/11/2013 03:04

Look, I am never an apologist for men's crap. But maybe maybe you are just overthinking it a tad.

I look up all sorts of shite. and would hate to taken up for the stuff I look for after being on MN!

pegfin · 29/11/2013 03:13

Holy cow! He spent 900 on fishing?!? That is unreasonable unless he got a boat. Grin

What is your worst case scenario? That he is buying for another kid, if so whose and why? Or that he has another kid? Or that he is losing the plot?

Not suggesting these are the case. just bringing them out there so you can see if they sound ridiculous...or not.

MadameDefarge · 29/11/2013 03:15

£900 on a secret hobby?

oh really?

Weirdy man.

Take back my previous post.

Lavenderhoney · 29/11/2013 03:15

900 pounds on fishing? That's a lot of money! Do you spend equilivant on your hobbies? And does he really spend ages online looking at fishing stuff? Surely you just need a rod and hook, its hardly social is it?

Is he buying your dog one for Christmas?

The phone is hardly going to be lost or stolen in your house with only you two in it surely?

And why don't you use the iPad? Its much easier to use that and lounge on the sofa than be sat at the computer?

Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 03:43

I'll try to answer best I can - the fishing hobby pissed me off to start with, he'd kept mentioning it now and then and I kept saying its money/time consuming etc etc. our DC are all pretty much grown up now, won't be long till they're all doing their own thing and maybe we can start doing things together more a a couple. He went on and on about it not being that time consuming wouldn't cost very much once he'd got the essentials and tbh I just about thought stuff it, I'm getting nowhere fast and he's gonna do what he wants anyway. First things he got he hid in a shed in the back garden so it was a while before I realised they where there. He said he'd been given them so I couldn't moan about it since they here free.

Then I found an address scribled down on a piece of screwed up paper in his jeans pockets when I was going through them to wash. I asked if he needed it, he said no so I threw it in the bin. A while later I was wondering about the address as it was a fair distance from us and I asked, he mumbled something about having to pick something up and got all fidgety so I contined to pry. Turns out he was off buying a rod or something which was £70 that someone on one of the forums where selling. It was a few months ago when I suspected something wasn't quite right, he was being really strange and behaving oddly, I kept asking what was wrong and he seemed vague and distant. He began picking arguments or being really silent so one night I badgered him into telling me what was wrong. After what seemed like hours I finally got out of him that he'd spent £950 on fishing stuff. Obviously I was shocked, couldn't understand where the hell he'd got that kind of money from, we're in no way flush. He'd sold off some of his gardening business stuff (which we paid for jointly) to get the money together. We argued for days about it, I was horrified that he could do such a thing when bills needed paying but he got on his high horse about how mean and selfish I am that I can't allow him to have a hobby. I just couldn't find the strength to argue anymore, everything I said fell on deaf ears.

I don't have a hobby, but I do smoke so he used that against me and the cost of that. I smoke roll ups to keep the cost down. Yes I know it probably sounds grandad like lol. I pay £16 a month gym subscription that I should use more so again that got chucked at me. I just though f##k it, he's not listening so gave it up as a bad job.

I don't use the iPad cos DH is on it constantly, he barely puts it down, I have an iPhone so tend to use that for everything. He is very protective of his phone, our daughter once used his old one to text a friend to say she was enroute, she'd left hers at her friends house and apparently she cocked his up somehow so no one is allowed to use his anymore and he keeps it in his pocket at all times (aside from charging it).

Hope I've covered everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
stillcryinginside · 29/11/2013 03:51

He did have an affair with someone I knew but that was about 7 years ago. He swore there was never sex involved and I 99.9% believe that! it was more an EA that had been going on for months before I found out. It was more contact via email/text etc but they met up for coffee a couple of times at a local park. Has far as I'm aware that's all that happened. He was very vague about that too but we agreed to try again and that's been left in the past and I know I'm never going to know all the facts.

OP posts:
DottyboutDots · 29/11/2013 04:35

Does a HarryHugglemonster suit a 7 year old or younger?

Isawitchcackling · 29/11/2013 04:50

Yes, he definitely has a secret love child!

ThisIsMeNow · 29/11/2013 05:18

Op, did he definately spent the 900 on his hobby? I mean, did you see 900 worth of fishing gear? How often does he go 'fishing'?

I might be totally off track but I'd be really worried about the phone thing. Surely if he's nothing to hide he wouldn't keep it on him all the time?

Sorry, I hope I'm wrong.