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AIBU?

To want my DD to be star of the week?

74 replies

Mummasmurf · 28/11/2013 21:16

Not because I think she's so brilliant that she should be chosen but because it's destroying her confidence every week she's not picked. She said she tries really hard and it makes her feel like her best isn't good enough and that she's rubbish.

It's heartbreaking so should I have a word with the teacher or just wait. I'm pretty sure they all get a turn, not necessarily that the person is particularly starfull that week. I was just going to talk in general terms, not "make my DD star of the week".

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Rosencrantz · 28/11/2013 21:18

I don't think having a word is a good idea. You'll forever be known as that mum.

She will get her turn - and the wait will be good for her. It's a tough lesson to learn but you can't have everything and need to be able to celebrate the success of others.

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booboobeedoo · 28/11/2013 21:19

They will all get to be star of the week. Patience.

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Judyandherdreamofhorses · 28/11/2013 21:20

You really need to help her with her confidence and find way for it not to be 'destroyed' by not being picked for some random nonsense award.

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MarthasHarbour · 28/11/2013 21:21

YANBU - i am having exactly the same scenario at home. DS isnt too bothered but does make the odd comment and when i go to the stars assembly every fucking week i see his face drop when he doesnt get picked. (they pick three every week so by my calcs they should have got through everyone by now)

He gets lots of good feedback from the teachers when i collect them and last week one of them said that he had done something that i was convinced would get him picked - and he didnt Sad

I spoke to DH and wondered if i should ask the teacher why. We agreed that we shouldnt as i dont want to be one of 'those' parents. They will get their turn at some point. And they need to learn that things dont come that easily.

Its shit though i know Smile Wine

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kungfupannda · 28/11/2013 21:21

But there won't have been enough weeks yet for everyone to have a go. All you'll be asking is for her to be bumped up above someone else, who might be trying equally hard.

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WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 21:21

They will all get to be star of the week, your dd will get her turn along with the others that haven't had it yet.

I'm sure she does other things at school that are good for her confidence, focus on those instead.

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RedLondonBus · 28/11/2013 21:22

gosh!! wait your turn?

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3boys3dogshelp · 28/11/2013 21:25

I don't think you should ask the teacher either but perhaps mention that your dd is a bit low in confidence at the moment, maybe they could give her a bit more praise so she knows when she's doing well.

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dazzlingbrook · 28/11/2013 21:25

All mine get to be the star at least once a term to make it fair. Some are the star more than once a term if they have shown me they have gone above and beyond in a particular area. Some of mine have yet to be the star but I have a tick list of those still to be 'it' in the next few weeks so I don't miss anyone. But should we ever do we have a record keeper in the parents rows who will tell us months down the line that X was the star on this date only for doing X and their child did so and so that week...blah blah blah!

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difficultpickle · 28/11/2013 21:32

Ds has been at school for 6 years and has never been star of the week (2 per year each week which means ds should easily have had a chance by now). It seems to be a select few ime, same names throughout the year.

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Patchouli · 28/11/2013 21:33

What's this - the 12th week in? (If you knock off the half term week)
How many in the class? She could be waiting a while yet.

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bolderdash · 28/11/2013 21:36

No, mine's been at school 3 and a half years now - never once star of the week. If she's not in reception, I'd have a word with the teacher. The quieter ones get overlooked. If she is in reception, I'd probably wait.

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tyaca · 28/11/2013 21:43

I had a word with dd's reception teacher. She got hers in May, a lot of her mates had had it twice and her best mate was on the third time. I felt like a right tit bringing it up tbh, but I felt I had to.

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TheLostPelvicFloorOfPoosh · 28/11/2013 21:46

Could you make her a star of the week award at home with a specific reason, eg good homework, good manners etc?

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Mim78 · 28/11/2013 21:48

I will probably get flamed for this, but I did speak to dd's teacher. Not to say "make her star of the week" but to say that dd was trying really hard at a particular thing that had been emphasised as a way to be star of the week (she was looking out for kids that had no one to play with to include them). She did then get star of the week the following week.

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HesterShaw · 28/11/2013 21:49

Hmmm, I was tempted to write something sarcastic then, but thankfully remembered my manners and that this can actually be a problem Blush (I sometimes think aibu turns normal nice people into monsters sometimes).


Not once in three years is very harsh :(. All children should be picked, if the school has this system, at least once a year. In my class I always tried to pick the quiet, good children first, for being just that, before picking little johnny who'd not snatched or thumped someone for a few days. But if she's in reception, she'll probably get her turn. Tell her she's your star x

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cherrytomato40 · 28/11/2013 21:52

I would have a word with the teacher- in a nice way! I am a TA and have worked with loads of teachers who don't actually keep a record, so kids do get missed.

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curlew · 28/11/2013 21:57

Ds didn't get an award at his ultra competitive football club presentation evening. His big sister made him a "non dickhead" rosette. It's one of his prized possessions 4 years later.........

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Hissy · 28/11/2013 21:57

How old is she? What year is she in?

Please bear in mind that if the 'star of the week' is worth having, it's because they are earned.

If my ds won his Star of the week through patience alone it's not worth it.

He earned his, twice, by consistently trying hard, by scoring house points.

He's not a genius, he's motivated and wants to beat his own performance score.

He looks to go further, try harder than he has before.

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Hissy · 28/11/2013 22:00

He also had a star of the week 'stolen' from him. A classmate moved his marker.

He was upset then, as he knew he'd earned it but not received it. We made him a 'Dude of the Week' award. ;)

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Mummasmurf · 28/11/2013 22:07

She's 7 so yr2. I do try and build her confidence and all the good stuff posted here.

I think she just needs to be told by someone that she respects that she's doing well.

I'm not sure if the teacher keeps a record, she had to ask the class the other week who hadn't been SOTW.

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bolderdash · 28/11/2013 22:13

Yes not once in three years, well we're into the 4th now.

It's always the ones who managed not to thump someone this week. By year 2 the others seemed to work this out - they'd come out saying "everyone knows she didn't deserve it!" waving their angry little fists.

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Hissy · 28/11/2013 22:15

I dare say that this is similar to having the class mascot then, not about things you've achieved. Sounds like they're not overly organised tbh! :)

DS mucked about a bit :)when he was in year1 so was last to get the mascot.

Now he's in year 3, Juniors, it's like a light's been switched on.

Could you arrange a toy's party (all her favourite toys) and celebrate her friendship with them? give her a reward for helping you, make cakes together or something and do a 'bake off'

We have toy parties sometimes, they made him dude of the week etc.

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Mummasmurf · 28/11/2013 22:21

She's got a few treats this weekend actually so that will help take her mind off it.

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parabelle · 28/11/2013 22:25

I had to say something to dd's reception teacher, she got it the very last week, there were kids who got it three times. I wouldn't mind but dd is really well behaved. She just isn't academically bright and wasn't reaching her expected levels. It was heartbreaking. She was so happy when she finally got it. Fingers crossed she gets it a little sooner this year (they do one a week).

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