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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I am not overreacting

51 replies

IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 14:50

We recently had an aunt of my partner's to stay a the night with us, as we live near an airport she was travelling from. She's late-60s.

MIL (her sister) visited and we opened a few bottles of wine, and this woman dived in. She ended up getting very very sozzled! Turns out she likes a drink or six. I'm a bit annoyed by this on its own as I have a newborn baby in the house and she was very VERY loud. However, she's a nice person and I thought it was good for her and MIL to get to catch up.

However, when the aunt left for her flight the next day, I later discovered she had soiled the bed. I'm assuming urine as stain was yellowish, but the smell was quite offensive so could be...oh God I don't need to go there right now.

This was two days ago and I'm still seething. We're having to foot the cost of mattress cleaning/more likely a whole new mattress , and all the bedding. I had been using the spare room to sleep with my baby for night feeds, as DH drives long distances for work and needs adequate sleep, but obviously it's a no-go area until we're sorted.

Partner was a bit annoyed (but not very) and spoke to his mum and dad, who said we should not mention it to her sister, as she would be embarrassed. I said I didn't care and then PILs told me I should be more considerate, as she's not been very well and this was probably the reason she soiled the bed. It is true that she has had some bad health problems (which I believe may affect continence) in recent years, and has had major surgery. However, my feeling is if bladder control is an issue, she would likely know about it and should bring her own protective bedding at the very least (or not drink to excess!). And I do sort of feel the two bottles or more of wine she necked, single handedly, might be more of a contributing factor.

Am I horrible for still being annoyed about the damage to my home and tempted to ask aunt to contribute? Money is rather tight for us right now.

OP posts:
Pogosticks · 28/11/2013 14:54

I'd be annoyed but not massively and wouldn't dream of asking an older, not in best of health relative for money.

I'd use your own bed for night feeds and let DH sort out the spare mattress so he can go sleep in there rather than you. Its his aunt...

formerbabe · 28/11/2013 14:56

Yes you are right, but I wouldn't say anything. One of those things best left unsaid IMO. I probably wouldn't have her over again though or at least not overnight and with booze around!

quietbatperson · 28/11/2013 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 28/11/2013 14:57

I do think you are over reacting a bit, I can understand you being annoyed but you know she is in ill health and I think it would cause unneeded embarrassment.

In future get matress protectors!

Original poster
IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 14:58

I do see what you mean Pogo but we're talking around £500 to replace mattress (I have a bad back, so can't get a cheapy). I really don't know where I can magic that money from.

OP posts:
Original poster
IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 14:59

Sirzy we do have mattress protectors on everything, this one (from a reputable shop) failed us spectacularly!

OP posts:
nitrox · 28/11/2013 15:01

I think it's really mean of the Aunt not to have mentioned it.

£500 is a lot of money, especially when you have children to think of, and Christmas... what is you couldn't afford to replace it? It would really inconvenience you (due to night feeding).

The Aunt must know she did it, and I would have to say something.

If she is well enough to neck 2 bottles of wine then she can't be that ill..

TheWitTank · 28/11/2013 15:06

I would be cross I admit. If she has health issues that involve the bowel/bladder then surely she would prepare herself properly for staying at somebody's home? I know accidents happen, but I would be mortified I caused damage and would want to pay for the repairs/replacement. Leaving your host to clear up bodily movements is not pleasant or fair. That said, she is not in the best of health, and I certainly wouldn't be shouting at her over the phone. If PIL are really insistent that you don't approach the aunt then perhaps they can contribute towards the cost of replacement or cleaning.

LowCarbHeaven · 28/11/2013 15:15

A mattress doesn't need to be £500, especially not if it's a spare room. Are you sure you can't just scrub it to death?

Original poster
IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 15:20

"LowCarb" the mattress we had cost a good bit more than that, like I say, I have a bad back and it's always been something I've considered a necessary expense. I saved up for our previous mattress and paid for the rest with vouchers we got for our wedding, and I was working at the time.

As for scrubbing it, no I wouldn't be happy with that. The stain has seeped right into the mattress and it smells, we'd never get it out. And with a newborn I wouldn't be at all comfortable sleeping on it, unless I knew it was completely clean.

OP posts:
Original poster
IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 15:28

to explain a bit more: the mattress is a double and was our main mattress for sleeping on until 6 months ago, when we moved to a 2-bed. We now have a kingsize bed in our bedroom.

thinking out loud..I guess DH could buy a cheapy mattress and move to the spare room...still feels unfair though

OP posts:
Corygal · 28/11/2013 15:30

You've had really bad luck, but there's no way you can ask for cash. Suck it up and ask for a donation for a new mattress for Xmas from PIL.

Locketjuice · 28/11/2013 15:37

I wouldn't say anything or ask for money, scrub the mattress and if really need be get it properly cleaned but she was away having a catch up and had one to many she probably didn't even realise how drunk she was getting. I know I have started drinking without any intention of getting drunk and ended up worse for wear.

Suck it up and invest in mattress protectors for all beds Smile

Locketjuice · 28/11/2013 15:40

Just read properly Confused

Scrub it and get one of those thick covers that are suppose to make it more comfy? Along with a protective sheet and normal sheet nothing is going to touch you...

Just think when you stay in a hotel all the spillages that are covered with just a sheet....

Locketjuice · 28/11/2013 15:41

Oh god and by suck it up I don't mean suck it up literally!

stillstandingatthebusstop · 28/11/2013 15:41

Disinfectant should get rid of the smell shouldn't it? Dettol dabbed on liberally and allowed to dry? Add some Febreeze? Then buy a new mattress protector. Job done.

Brittabot · 28/11/2013 15:49

It's annoying for you but I think you should have some compassion, it was an embarrassing accident for her.

Surely a specialist cleaning company could remove the stain for less than £500?

I don't think you should ask her for money, and it would have been kinder not to tell the rest of the family.

quietbatperson · 28/11/2013 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 15:55

I didn't tell the family, partner did, but yes I get that it's embarrassing for her, and that she is in poor health. That said, it still feels really unfair on us, not least as there's a tiny baby that sleeps in that room most nights. I know we'll have to suck it up (yes, not literally), I'm just really upset.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 16:19

I don't see why you can't ask for the money Confused

There was a thread recently about someone who had been sick all over an OPs sofa bed amongst other things, and the overwhelming response was that the OP should be reimbursed for the irreparable damage.

Whether she could help it or not isn't really relevant, if you have any type of an accident it is still your responsibility to make sure no one else is out of pocket for it.

If your PIL are certain that they don't think you should ask for the money, then they can pay. Otherwise it is not their decision, because it was not their property that was ruined. It was yours, and if there is no way you should be out of pocket for this.

Where was the Aunt going on her flight anyway? If she was going on a holiday, then she can afford to pay you back. If she had stayed in a airport hotel she would have been charged.

quietbatperson · 28/11/2013 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenShadowInTheLibrary · 28/11/2013 16:26

I really don't think the mattress will need replacing.

Our older two DC took a long while become dry at night and on occasions, the wet has got through the protective sheet to the mattress. We've mopped it up and let the bed air and there hasn't been any residual smell.

WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 16:28

I think there's a difference between someone wetting their own bed and continuing to sleep in it, and someone wetting a bed that someone else then has to sleep in.

Eastwickwitch · 28/11/2013 16:31

I'd have more sympathy if she hadn't been drinking so much.
She must be aware of her health problems & should've taken precautions.
However, I don't see how you can take it any further without a lot of embarrassment.

KoalaFace · 28/11/2013 16:38

Shock OP I think a lot of PPs have been unfair to you. I would be so annoyed by this. Unless there are mental health issues (I'm thinking of a relative if mine with Dementia) with your aunt then she should have at the very least apologised and asked for some cleaning products to try her best to get it clean. If she can't afford to pay for it to be replaced or professionally cleaned it would have at least shown willing and her trying her best.

To just leave is astonishingly rude.

I am assuming that she is not 95 and very weak though.