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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I am not overreacting

51 replies

IncreasinglyLazy · 28/11/2013 14:50

We recently had an aunt of my partner's to stay a the night with us, as we live near an airport she was travelling from. She's late-60s.

MIL (her sister) visited and we opened a few bottles of wine, and this woman dived in. She ended up getting very very sozzled! Turns out she likes a drink or six. I'm a bit annoyed by this on its own as I have a newborn baby in the house and she was very VERY loud. However, she's a nice person and I thought it was good for her and MIL to get to catch up.

However, when the aunt left for her flight the next day, I later discovered she had soiled the bed. I'm assuming urine as stain was yellowish, but the smell was quite offensive so could be...oh God I don't need to go there right now.

This was two days ago and I'm still seething. We're having to foot the cost of mattress cleaning/more likely a whole new mattress , and all the bedding. I had been using the spare room to sleep with my baby for night feeds, as DH drives long distances for work and needs adequate sleep, but obviously it's a no-go area until we're sorted.

Partner was a bit annoyed (but not very) and spoke to his mum and dad, who said we should not mention it to her sister, as she would be embarrassed. I said I didn't care and then PILs told me I should be more considerate, as she's not been very well and this was probably the reason she soiled the bed. It is true that she has had some bad health problems (which I believe may affect continence) in recent years, and has had major surgery. However, my feeling is if bladder control is an issue, she would likely know about it and should bring her own protective bedding at the very least (or not drink to excess!). And I do sort of feel the two bottles or more of wine she necked, single handedly, might be more of a contributing factor.

Am I horrible for still being annoyed about the damage to my home and tempted to ask aunt to contribute? Money is rather tight for us right now.

OP posts:

SolomanDaisy · 28/11/2013 16:44

I'm sure you'll be able to get it clean enough, put a new cover on it, then flip it if you're still worried. You can get special mattress cleaner. In 18 months your toddler will be vomiting blueberries and beetroot onto it and you can't buy a new mattress every time.

SolomanDaisy · 28/11/2013 16:45

The aunt was rude though.

quietbatperson · 28/11/2013 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliegoulding · 28/11/2013 16:53

Wasn't there a thread almost identical to this about an elderly uncle last week?

I'd be pissed off but count it as one of those things .... to be honest I think you are being a bit of a Drama Llama about it! you could have it professionally steam cleaned and it would be good as new, I know it's not nice the thought of it but stick a decent mattress protector on and it'll be fine - I imagine even the fanciest hotel beds have been pissed in (or worse) at some point in their career!

MonkeysInTheFog · 28/11/2013 16:55

Her being old/incontinent/poorly is irrelevant! She's well enough to travel and neck wine! Why should OP have to foot the bill?!

If the ILs don't want her embarrassed then they can bloody pay!

MonkeysInTheFog · 28/11/2013 16:57

....and why on earth should OP have to settle for having the mattress cleaned??

She probably doesn't want to sleep on a mattress that some old woman had pissed on, full stop. Why should she have to?

Pogosticks · 28/11/2013 16:58

If you had a mattress protector on it (hey - is that 'drip' feeding? Bluergh) which failed then try taking it up with the shop that sold it to you. Clearly not fit for purpose and they might cover the cost of cleaning or something. Worth a shot anyway.

AngelaDaviesHair · 28/11/2013 17:07

Well, I would ask for the money. In aunt's position it sounds as though soiling was a possibility, in which case buy the disposable mattress covers and take them with you. It is what we do with our children. It's not about being mean, it is about an expense OP can't easily afford.

Rosieliveson · 28/11/2013 17:08

As embarrassing as it may have been, a quiet word with reference to an 'accident' would have been all that was necessary from the aunt. Although, I think most people who damage anything that doesn't belong to them should be very apologetic and almost always offer to clean, fix or replace the item. To leave it to be discovered is disgusting behaviour whether the person is old, infirm, young, poorly or whatever.
I think your MIL, as her sister, should mention that you're replacing the mattress after the 'incident'. Whether it was old, new or whatever you now need to lay out for something that you wouldn't need if you hadn't done a nice thing and had said aunt to stay. It's unfair.
Next time it's water all round!!

quietbatperson · 28/11/2013 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 17:23

Hope she's not planning on staying with you again when she returns from wherever she was going!

TallGiraffe · 28/11/2013 17:28

If you decide to go down the whole new mattress route, you could get a cheap one and a mattress topper. They're amazing and can transform a mattress for a lot less money.

Daddypigsgusset · 28/11/2013 17:31

Why do you need a separate bed for feeding the baby in?

Slatecross · 28/11/2013 17:38

Can't you claim on your insurance?

theoriginalandbestrookie · 28/11/2013 17:41

YANBU - I can't believe people are asking you to be compassionate. You have a newborn, you need the spare room to sleep in, it is now covered in piss.
On the other thread there was a suggestion that it's possible to get a mattress cleaned - that might be a cheaper option. I'd be asking the PILs to pay for it, honestly do they really think it's acceptable for someone to get drunk then wee on your bed.

youretoastmildred · 28/11/2013 17:46

You are not overreacting to be very pissed off but there is nothing you can do about it.

Keep possession of the main room, make it dp's job to replace the mattress in the spare room with a cheaper one (which is usual in spare rooms)

someone shoudl have tipped you off and you would have had a mattress protector on there, or declined. It;s not fair. but there is nothing you can do.
sounds like the aunt has a drink problem as well as whatever other health problems. One to pity really

Bettercallsaul1 · 28/11/2013 17:54

I honestly think this is one of these events you just have to accept, infuriating though it is.

I think the aftermath of letting the aunt know, and asking for reimbursement would be so excruciatingly embarrassing and awkward all round, that it would be better to write off the mattress and just resolve never to have this relative of your husband's to stay again. If you do confront her about it, it would not only spell the death of any future relationship with her but would also cause a lot of very uncomfortable feeling in your husband's family generally.

It is possible, if she was under the influence when she went to bed, that she did not realise she'd done it - and, if she got up quickly in the morning to catch her flight, she may well have not seen/felt it in the morning either. Given her age and health problems, I would incline towards forgiveness but be sure never to have her to stay again!

quietbatperson · 28/11/2013 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Optimist1 · 28/11/2013 18:41

Slatecross is right - this may well be covered by your household insurance policy.

birdybear · 28/11/2013 18:51

You are being a drama Lama! Just clean it, disinfectant it, turn it and put covers on. Dear me , what are you going to do when your kid wees, poos and vomits in their bed. Buy a new mattress every time?

TopHatAndTails · 28/11/2013 18:57

You could try hiring a rug doctor, the upholstery cleaning attachment brought our mattress completely clean after a sleepover accident. They vary in efficiency depending how well maintained they are IME. The ones at my local Tesco are great but I wouldn't touch the ones at B and Q but that is just in my area.

After the "accident" we now have good mattress protectors on all beds. I also slip a cheap shower curtain over the mattress cover if we have visiting children. They don't rustle but do a good job of protecting the bed from liquid spillage.

WhoNickedMyName · 28/11/2013 19:03

I doubt someone that has necked two bottles of wine, pissed the bed and left it for their host to find is easily embarrassed.

I'd probably have to say something, at the very least I wouldn't let that person stay again and if they asked why, I'd tell them.

But don't throw the mattress. Give it a scrub, maybe blast it with a steam cleaner, sprinkle bicarbonate of soda over it, leave it a day or two and hoover it. Turn it over, cover with a really good mattress protector and it'll be fine.

paperlantern · 28/11/2013 19:40

I'm another who would be going after the matress protector seller. You should be asking the aunt but I wonder if the family fall out is worth it

but seriously if your mattresses are that expensive your mattress protectors need to be top notch or your accidental... damage cover. Over the next few years they are likely to be wee-ed on, pooed on and puked on.

One lot of wee I'd be very that it can't be sorted through bleach/anti-bacterial febreeze. eventually that didn't work for us and I bought some hospital quality covers. wish someone had told me how worthwhile an investment they were

WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 19:45

The only reason it should cause a fall out is of the aunt proves herself to be as rude and thoughtless as she has already indicated she is by leaving the accident without saying anything in the first place.

Yes she will be embarrassed if you say anything, but if she's a half decent person she will apologise, pay for professional cleaning or a replacement, and that will be the end of it.

If she didn't do that, then she wouldn't be a relative worth maintaining a relationship with anyway.

ADishBestEatenCold · 28/11/2013 20:11

Deja Vue. Did you post about this a week ago, IncreasinglyLazy?

No, you didn't. I've just looked and I see it was someone called MintBaileysMilkshake. She, too, had a guest pee the bed in the spare room, then sneak off without saying anything (more deja vue, she also sometimes used the spare bed with her baby).

Anyway, the reason I mention it is that someone on that thread mentioned you can get the mattress steam cleaned and another poster said they did their mattress with the Vax (I'm guessing a Vax carpet shampoo machine).

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