AIBU to say 'my'?

[ThoseArentSpiritFingers]

Was wondering this recently, I've seen a few threads about grandparents referring to grandchildren as 'my little baby' or similar and this annoying the parents.

I have a DSD and a niece who are cousins, close in age and live with me and DP. (DP and his sister live together which is why niece is there too) when I give them cuddles I catch myself saying 'my little munchkins' or similar, and am wondering if I'm crossing a line by doing so? I always catch myself after saying it, I'm not doing it deliberately to wind anyone up, it's just an instinctive thing for me to say I guess? Is it really that bad?

More than anything I think this thread shows just how odd some people are....how can anyone think putting a baby that isn't yours to your breast is ok??

I agree with the many who said it depend a on the relationship. If my Inlaws or parents used those type phrases it wouldn't bother me but there are no big issues. I can imagine the type of situation where greeting upset about a grandparent using "my" would illustrate a huge back story.

My 9 year old has always called me "My"

YY to it being dependent on other things.

A person who understands boundaries and doesnt interfere or try to "adopt" the baby as their own, its fine. I am sure I will be a bit "my" with GC.

But from someone who is toxic, has no boundaries or simply rides roughshod over the parents it would piss me off massively.

WilsonFrickett Thu 28-Nov-13 13:07:37

Two quotes from my own DM

To my DS

Hello my sweetheart boy' absolutely fine

To her colleague (we were in her office at the time)

Oh hello Jane, come and meet my baby' Not. Fine. At. All

That sounds terrible doesn't it?

Kerwhizzed has it right about implying ownership.

To the child directly it implies love and affection, used to others it implies ownership. I am that the SIL let people think it was her baby! Some people really do think that everything is about them dont they?!

Not everyone is "our" in the NE, maybe Geordie, but that's not the only place in the NE. I've never used "our" in my life.

Mattissy My FIL is in S.Derbys and "our" is standard there, we are in E.Staffs and it isnt despite being less than a mile away, go figure!

The thought of putting someone else's baby to my breast makes my skin creep, never mind the thought of someone else putting my dc to their breast. Certainly not now they're 12 and 8

Such is the whole of the UK bogey, lol, accents and colloquialisms change within a few miles. I love it myself.

It's completely a matter of context isn't it, both in terms of whether the relationships are a bit toxic to start with and then who it's being said to. It's fine to feel bonded to someone else's child if you've got a good relationship with them, it's not alright to assert some sense of possession.

My mum's taken to doing a bit of an odd thing with my son. He mastered dada, mama and also grandpa fairly quickly but not grandma, which he seems to find quite difficult, and there is also a granny, so that one's taken. By the time he was ready to attempt grandma he'd moved on to mummy and daddy for us, and his first tries came out sounding a lot like 'mama' for grandma. He's now doing a much more passable attempt at grandma, but my mum seems to have decided that mama is very cute, and actually now calls herself that to him, rather than saying grandma. This is not a massive deal to me, she's a brilliant grandparent to him and has never ever tried to usurp my role, but I have to say that my nose is ever so slightly out of joint that she's basically nicked my name, even though he doesn't use it for me anymore. If we didn't have such a good relationship, I can see how easy it would be to get fairly murderous about something like that.

Well, as always, she meant it for the best. And I will say again that MIL is amazing in every way, I love her and she does a tremendous amount for us. In fact, the most UR thing she does, as a general rule, is never ever giving me anything to post about on AIBU. It's just that she very occasionally comes out with something like this that completely floors me!

DH was in no doubt at all, by the end of our conversation, that I really didn't find her suggestion acceptable in any way. My horrified face did most of the talking I think!

But "my grandchild" is perfectly acceptable, obviously, yet that insinuates possession too.

Possession yes, but in the correct context; the child is their grandchild. Most of the problem comes from an attempt to airbrush the child's mother out of existence: my boy, my baby, my son, all with the emphasis dramatically placed on "my" when the child in question is not their boy, baby or son.

Even then it would be acceptable as long as it is not reinforcement of behaviour which is designed to make the mum feel unwelcome and unnecessary: ignoring suggestions about need for naps, throwing out food made by the mum in order to make different food, refusing to accept breastfeeding as a valid method of feeding, creating a separate nursery of equipment and clothes to use, huffing and puffing about the 2 week old baby being "too attached" to its mother (to give some random examples).

My DSis's sons were and still are 'my boys'. I love them dearly and they love me!

I had my first child 4 weeks after she had her last, so for a long time, they were the most important chuldren in my life and she understood that. So much so that she even said once that I loved them more than she did (rubbish, she is a fab mum).