AIBU to say 'my'?

[ThoseArentSpiritFingers]

Was wondering this recently, I've seen a few threads about grandparents referring to grandchildren as 'my little baby' or similar and this annoying the parents.

I have a DSD and a niece who are cousins, close in age and live with me and DP. (DP and his sister live together which is why niece is there too) when I give them cuddles I catch myself saying 'my little munchkins' or similar, and am wondering if I'm crossing a line by doing so? I always catch myself after saying it, I'm not doing it deliberately to wind anyone up, it's just an instinctive thing for me to say I guess? Is it really that bad?

hah - my whole family does this... my gran and granddad, step granddad, and former step-granddad mum, (late) dad, step-mum, step-dad and former step-dad - family funtime round here - don't ask!!! aunts, uncles, sister etc etc etc.....

and the girls are now 11 and 12 and STILL their babies (they love it really!!) so it would be a bit late to complain

My in laws do it and my DM sometimes but we have a good relationship, that is definitely the difference, doing It in the context of trying to push the real mother out is toxic

Keeping the skin to skin thing is sooooooo not OK.

Glad the general consensus is that I'm not crossing any lines. Very conscious of trying to find my place amongst step daughter, dp's family etc. Everyone is so lovely to me I don't they would have any issue with it, but I do sometimes have to stop myself going to deal with crying niece etc if her mum is there, that would be a bit rude I think.

If I were attempting skin to skin, I think I would get chucked out of the house haha

Depends How it's said. I have heard a GM actually tell her DIL that the baby "is mine, he doesn't need you". Admittely she was an extreme example, had badgered her teen DS To have a child purely so that she could be a GM, and most people don't mean it in that way.

A friend of her's was only interested in seeing her new GDC in the first few days after birth because " they are not babies once they Get To ten days".

Oh no! I say things like 'how are my lovely girls' or similar when seeing/talking about my nieces.

Hopefully SIL isn't a batshit crazy mumsnetter tho and it doesn't bother her.

The skin To skin thing would be a boundery breach too far me, doesn't matter which GP.

It's a nice thing to say to a child to make them feel loved and that they belong, anyone who gets the arse with it is a nob, IMHO!

Context is everything and calling anyone who finds it unacceptable "a knob" should consider that not everyone's experience of Grandparent behaviour is the same as their own.

It's a child being called something nice by its parents parent, anyone who gets the hump is a nob.

My IL's certainly aren't the best but they are closely related to my DC's, I'm not part of their relationship, my children are individuals who have their own relationships outside of the one they have with me.

I have 2 boys, my friend has all girls. I refer to her girls as 'my girls' and vice versa. Neither of us mind, at least I assume she doesnt as she started it.

Otoh, when my mum does the same thing it irritates me. I wonder if that's because she actually has 2 boys of her own and I worry deep down that my Boyd would be better off with her

My best friend calls DD "My P" "No one beats My P", but shes knows im mum, also she cried at me when she first saw DD, 6 years later she still gets ripped for it.

My other friend, OTOH, seems to think shes mum and bosses DD about, it fucks me right off, to the point DD isnt around her much anymore.

Personally I think it's fine, esp munchkin, cute one etc - might start to be inappropriate if you said my baby.

My ex's wife calls the DC her little honey bunnies/little darlings etc; (not in my hearing exactly, not intentionally) and I'm happy that they're that close. I would be sad if she felt that because she was SM she couldn't use terms of endearment when, as a SM, I hope she would have a close relationship with my DC.

As a step mother, I use terms of endearments. Like me with my DC, their DM seems to find it fine and we have a little joke about it between the SC and myself. It strengthens our relationship and I think that is very important. 'My kids' or 'my babies' would be too much, but 'my munchkins' is fine.

I agree with coffeetea, anyone offended by this is seriously insecure or just has too much time on their hands!

My SIL has just had twins. I was astounded when she informed me that, of all the visitors she's had cooing over them, I am the only one that actually asked her permission before touching them and picking them up and how glad she was that I did this.

I think it's because I remember how desperate I felt with visitors when my own first baby was born. They picked him up, passed him around, took him away without any reference to me.

And MIL did drive me mad with behaviour that I saw as pushing me aside and taking over. I gritted my teeth every time she called him her baby and her boy and showed me all the equipment and clothes she'd bought, the nursery she'd prepared for him to stay over, the babyfood jars she'd got, ready to wean him...

The Geordie way is better. In the north east everyone is "our" - our Jack/our Jill/our mam/our nan, etc. Everyone shares everyone, no need for anyone to get possessive!

Omg Omg Omg the skin to skin thing just gave me a horrendous flashback.

The first time I ever left my (recently weaned from the breast) 8m-old DS, with DH and PIL for the weekend, DH told me that his DM had suggested that if they had trouble settling him in the evenings, she would try putting him to her breast.

"I know there's no milk there but it's just comfort, isn't it?".

Now, MIL is awesome and I love her dearly, but if she had done that I might actually have physically hurt her. And I did not hesitate to make it clear to DH that if he EVER allowed her to do this, he would sadly find himself in the position of being unable to father any more DC.

If I was BU, I absolutely do not care.

Oh jeez, I wouldn't even have thought it might offend. I'm forever calling my nephew "my wee boy".

Thank you littlegreyauditor.

It does seem to have been missed that the few who have brought up the issue with it have had reasons and relationships outside of healthy that cause these issues.

It's a nice term of endearment for many, but if someone only wanted to call me theirs in front of others when I could make them look good and ignore, speak rudely to and about, and clearly want rid of me when I wasn't able or wanting to meet that requirement, I wouldn't want me to claim me as theirs at all, and I hold that true for my children as well.

That's really grim puntastic can't believe anyone would even think to do that!

Yes! See! It's NOT just me, is it? DH didn't see why I was so upset.

It's definitely not just you!

I think it depends on context and don't think it makes someone a nutter (as one pp so delightfully put it) to not like it. It used to irritate the crap out of me when ever ex SIL used to call my dd "my little princess" when talking about her but didnt bother me when she was talking to her. Comments on Facebook "aaaah my little princess" or texts asking how "my little girl" is doing annoyed me. But in person, talking to dd "how's my little princess?" was fine. I think the difference is when it's being affectionate to the child versus implied ownership of the child (if that makes sense). But I might be biased since she put newborn pics of my dd on FB and let everyone think she'd had her baby early for a few days, weirdo.

puntastic, your DH can't see why you were upset? Really? I'm trying to think of some comparative thing you could suggest but failing, sadly - maybe ask him if he'd let your mother give him a bedbath, see how that one works?
Breastfeeding is such a personal thing, I'd have gone apeshit as well if my MIL had suggested that.