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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really dislike present pressure?

37 replies

JaneFonda · 28/11/2013 00:11

I know I am very lucky that people want to buy me a present for Christmas, and I do really appreciate it, honestly, but...

By present pressure, I mean someone who will ask what you want, and not give up until you've given them an exact answer (probably including a link to a website they can buy it from). I genuinely mean it when I say I don't need anything, however I do understand that it is nice to buy things for other people.

Therefore, AIBU to think that if you want to buy a present for someone, you shouldn't put them under so much pressure by demanding to know exactly what you should buy them? It really makes me want to say that I don't want them to buy me anything at all, because the questioning and then annoyance when I can't think of anything makes me feel quite sad.

OP posts:
NirvannahCrane · 28/11/2013 16:52

YANBU at all!

I couldn't agree more. I never really need anything and I'm not really the sort that 'wants' stuff, I'm not really into 'stuff' if you know what I mean.

I usually give the stock answer of black socks or a Terry's Chocolate orange!!

IMO, if someone can't really think of anything they want, then you should either use your initiative and buy something yo want to give them or just give them a voucher or giftcard!

But you are difinitely not BU.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 28/11/2013 16:57

Surely the whole point of presents is to surprise someone with something you think they'll like?

Confused

Nagging people to tell you what they want is odd.

formerbabe · 28/11/2013 17:00

I truly think Xmas presents for adults is a pathetic concept.... I don't want anything nor do I want to traipse the shops looking for stuff no one wants anyway.

Xmas is for children. I only buy wine/chocs etc for people if invited over at Xmas.

MysterySpots · 28/11/2013 17:01

YANBU but what us even worse is the people who want to give you the money to shop for and wrap the presents for your kids.

BackforGood · 28/11/2013 17:02

Well, you are entitled to your opinion, but theirs is equally valid. It seems such a waste to buy something for someone that they then might not use / wear / read / listen to / appreciate. I'd much rather know that the thing I'm getting is something they actually want.

ElizabethBathory · 28/11/2013 17:03

YANBU. MIL, lovely as she is, asks for DH and I to give her 'Christmas lists' every year. And it's not enough to just put one or two things on the list - she likes a lot of things on there so she can 'choose' and 'surprise' us with what she chose off the list Hmm Her heart's in the right place but seriously, we don't need that much stuff and it's really hard to think of a list Shock And we're not children.

purrtrillpadpadpad · 28/11/2013 17:07

Cor, this 'presents for adults at Christmas is pathetic' 'Christmas is ONLY FOR THE CHILDREN' business makes me sad. How stern and martyrish and self-denying we must be.

When I was a kid, I never thought it was all about me. I saved up my pocket money to get something nice for my parents to open and I got really excited about the whole experience. Surely it's a mistake to raise an entire generation to believe that a lovely annual event is only about them? Will they ever get to learn that being selfish is a bad thing?

Sorry, a slight diversion to the Op.

IneedAwittierNickname · 28/11/2013 17:09

My dad always asks me what I want,.and my answer is always nothing. I've got everythig I need (lovely dc, a roof over my head, food etc)
Then he will moan and say there must be something, but whatever I suggest (eg craft supplies which is my hobby) he doesnt want to buy for some reason or another. It's infuriating!

clubnail · 28/11/2013 17:12

Agree completely, and especially with formerbabe that it is for children. As adults, we can buy ourselves what we like. OH and I get a couple of small things for each other from Santa and each other, so DS doesn't wonder why we are left out, and that's it, I am happy with that. I stopped doing presents for adults ages ago, told everyone not to get me anything, and Xmas has been better for it!

ElizabethBathory · 28/11/2013 17:13

I do think a lot of the presents that are traditionally considered too boring - e.g. wine, chocolate, vouchers (esp. book vouchers), bath stuff, candles - should be reinstated as cool stuff to buy other adults, because it's SO much easier and, well, no one can have too much of any of those things...

clubnail · 28/11/2013 17:15

xp with purt. When my DS is old enough to save and choose, I will encourage that (though really I'd prefer he made us something). I don't raise him to think everything is all about him, but for Xmas, I do think it's mainly for children. But I also want to raise him to know it isn't all about the gifts for any of us.

WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 17:16

I don't mind being asked what I want, but I do mind being asked, then giving an answer, and then being told that my choice is boring and I should be choosing something else.

This happened for our wedding. We made a list of the things we'd like, but only gave it out to people who asked what we'd like, which most people did. We were then faced with five separate people/families complaining that plates and pillows were boring and they wanted to get something more exciting. We thought we were doing the right thing by only giving a list of inexpensive things to people who had asked, and then making sure the list only contained useful things that would be seen as traditional type wedding presents.

But no, it seems some people only want to buy frivolous shite, and what's worse is they expect you to choose the frivolous shite for them.

clubnail · 28/11/2013 17:16

Elizabeth, to me though, those kinds of things are things I'd buy myself, and if I am buying Jane a box of chocs, and she buys me a box of chocs, it just doesn't seem worth it! And actually, I'd rather choose my own chocolates/candles etc myself (fussy!).

Purple2012 · 28/11/2013 17:18

Yanbu. I love getting presents for people that is a nice surprise. I try to get something specific to them that I know they will love. I hate being asked as you don't want to suggest something over budget for them. I tend to not stick to a budget when I am buying, but will always find something they love.

IamGluezilla · 28/11/2013 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfondoRosso · 28/11/2013 17:34

I definitely don't think Christmas is 'just for children' That sucks. I'll still be ramming in the chipolatas with the heel of my palm, watching the Muppet Christmas Carol and being happy to spend time with my dear ones, and I don't have children.

I do agree with you, OP, on the whole 'what do you want?' business? Seriously, Christmas isn't a transaction, or a way of ticking off an Amazon wishlist. Wine and chocolates = fine with me.

GrendelsMum · 28/11/2013 17:42

You know what I'd really like for Christmas? I'd like some more M&S black cotton knickers because I seem to be running a bit short, and it's such a hassle to go to M&S at lunchtime and buy them.

Somehow I doubt that anyone is going to take me up on that as a suitable present.

ProfondoRosso · 28/11/2013 17:45

They never do, do they, Grendel? I'd love a pack of those too! I categorically cannot ask my mother for pants. She always responds with shock at what size my bum has grown to and will probably buy me a size down, because I "won't be the size forever. Just wait till you're off those pills and you've got a job sorted out." Grin

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 28/11/2013 18:36

Mystery totallly! Gah! Or those who do order something (after you've gone to the effort of providing an idea) and then get it delivered to your house for you to wrap or those you ask you for ideas at a really busy time and then, when you get back to them 10 days later, having spent time and efffort getting suitably priced ideas for a family of 6 together, have already been shopping (though it's mid-November) and bought stuff that you have either already said is not suitable or you have already got: yes, PiL, I'm talking about you

SomethingkindaOod · 28/11/2013 18:42

I don't mind at all, MIL always buys something we need, in the past she's bought me a new hair dryer and my side will usually give us the money to buy things for the children and we wrap them. Saves the more inform family members from having to go shopping and means that we can be organised fairly early.
You're not being U as such, but different people do different things and everybody's opinion is equally valid.

Original poster
JaneFonda · 28/11/2013 18:42

Gluezilla - what do you mean 'my type'?

I would be delighted with a charity donation on my behalf - in fact I suggested that to my best friend yesterday!

Where on this thread is there martyred disappointment?

OP posts:
SomethingkindaOod · 28/11/2013 18:43

Grendel I'll point you in the direction of my MIL. Included in the presents is always a pack of M&S knickers!

GrendelsMum · 28/11/2013 18:44

Maybe we can swap MiLs! Mine is charming and always gives me a set of luxurious cosmetics that I don't use at all.

Jenologist · 28/11/2013 18:53

Totally agree OP! My MIL asked what I wanted, I requested she donate some money to the Philippines and get me a paperback book. A week later, I have some how ended up choosing, ordering, paying for and collecting my Christmas present. Which I neither want nor need. Oh, and I have to get it to her by next week so she can wrap it.

Jenologist · 28/11/2013 18:54

Totally agree OP! My MIL asked what I wanted, I requested she donate some money to the Philippines and get me a paperback book. A week later, I have some how ended up choosing, ordering, paying for and collecting my Christmas present. Which I neither want nor need. Oh, and I have to get it to her by next week so she can wrap it.