to really dislike present pressure?

[JaneFonda]

I know I am very lucky that people want to buy me a present for Christmas, and I do really appreciate it, honestly, but...

By present pressure, I mean someone who will ask what you want, and not give up until you've given them an exact answer (probably including a link to a website they can buy it from). I genuinely mean it when I say I don't need anything, however I do understand that it is nice to buy things for other people.

Therefore, AIBU to think that if you want to buy a present for someone, you shouldn't put them under so much pressure by demanding to know exactly what you should buy them? It really makes me want to say that I don't want them to buy me anything at all, because the questioning and then annoyance when I can't think of anything makes me feel quite sad.

I don't think I would like it much if asked to purchase my own present and give it to them to wrap up. Why bother?

I haven't received a present from anyone in years. My kids are always broke. My mother and sisters are broke. My husband doesn't believe in Christmas.

So in a way it is nice to have people who can and actually want to buy a gift for you.

I'd love a Tery choc orange or a pack of lovely coloured gel pens.

I hate the fact that it's all about presents now. I don't remember it being all about presents when I was a kid, although we got plenty.

MIL starts asking what everyone wants in July, by September it's all wrapped. They telephone me after ever purchase to check it's ok. They come to us Christmas Eve, don't want to go to church, don't want to watch nine lessons, don't want to participate in anything festive which isn't 'Santy' related (yep 'Santy' I kid you not), on Christmas morning they encourage the kids to rip the paper off everything as fast as possible. They eat lunch (fretting about the fact that it's at tea time), finish before everyone else has started, fold their arms and say 'I would have preferred a bit or pork, very dry, that was, very dry), then piss of at the crack of dawn on Boxing Day - because as far as they are concerned Christmas is all about five minutes of present unwrapping.

I refuse to encourage DS to write a list, to me that's so grabby. Actually I don't think he would want to anyway, probably because he is spoilt year round anyway!

When people ask me what I would like I always say - whatever you would like to get me.

Could not agree more, OP. My family do this and it drives me mental. Especially as the answer always has to be something unique and thoughtful that has taken someone (me) hours of searching to come up with. I honestly would be completely and genuinely happy with a charity donation, a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine.

What a miserable thought that "Christmas is just for children." Whilst I don't agree with giving gifts to all and sundry I do think it is wonderful to give the special people in your life something to show that you appreciate them. It doesn't have to cost the world. For example my babysitter loves green and blacks and as she is a student she always says its a real treat to have because she cant justify it. I bought her a few bars and wrapped them really nicely and she was genuinely touched that I had even remembered a random chocolate conversation we had had.

I also think it's lovely that people want to buy you something you appreciate and actually would like rather than randomly pick something that you don't care for. I really don't get the "there is nothing I need" statement..come on, we all have our favourite perfumes, face creams, etc it would be no hardship to have an extra bottle lined up on the shelf would it!

I always call their bluff in this situation. I am very very fussy about pens. I will only use one type of pen. I will not write with any other pen. If you hand me your pen I will politely hand it back and get my own out of my bag. I'm that fussy.

When put under present pressure I ask the pressuriser to buy me one or several of my pens. I give them the exact details of the pen - it is fairly easily available from Paperchase etc and it's £2.50. Nobody ever buys me a pen. Because even though it's what I want, even though I can never have enough of them (partly because it's such a great pen that if I loan one to someone they won't give it back) and I would be delighted and grateful to receive one, it's too boring.

So boring, that I end up with jellied fruits, old lady scarves, pyjamas that don't fit and cheap bags, all of which go direct to the charity shop.

Tiredoldmum I'd love a Tery choc orange or a pack of lovely coloured gel pens.

I've posted on another thread how I thought presents for adults was a pointless concept. I'd rather we all just went out and bought stuff like this for ourselves as we identified the need/want.

Asking for it for christmas and going through the charade of unwrapping an item where you already know what it is just seems like pointless effort all round.

Those two items would cost what, a tenner? (has no idea how much gel pens are).

So just go and buy them! (apologies if you are literally one step away from starvation/the workhouse, but everyone else could surely just go and get them, even if it meant living on beans on toast for a few days?).

I don't want anyone to buy me anything - yes there are things I'd like but I'd rather choose them myself - telling someone what I want is pointless I might as well buy them myself. Getting wine and chocs? - there's no need unless you come round to dinner.

Dh and I have a spending embargo for most of November and December so at least there are a few things we might actually want from each other.

Christmas for me is about sparkly lights, good food & wine, long walks, board games and good telly....we do presents for the sake of the kids.

Not sure why one person thinks it's "pathetic" for adults to give or receive gifts at Christmas?! It's not something you have to do but I can't see why there is anything actually wrong with it.

Otoh I know what you mean OP. My lovely Dp starts thinking about my present in about September and giving me suggestions and options on a weekly basis. It is all a bit much but having said that she does it because she really, really wants me to have something that I actually want and I am not a person who really "wants" alot of stuff.

carabos I always call their bluff in this situation. I am very very fussy about pens. I will only use one type of pen. I will not write with any other pen.

I suppose pens are boring gifts even though some pen people would truly love them. I'm not quite as fussy but I will not write with blue ink and there are just a few pens I actually love.

GinOnTwoWheels I did buy myself some lovely pens today even though I couldn't afford them. £2 well spent!

I am with you OP, nothing I really need that I don't get for myself unless its expensive wants (really wants an ipad but can't justify the price) and ILs must have a list of specific things for each person to buy, and money towards an ipad something big doesn't cut it.

Plus they give out specific lists to DH too. risking wrath this year as have completely ignored list and bought what we think they'd like and within our budget
My family are much happier with vague suggestions so you actually get a surprise.

I love Christmas even thought I've celebrated over 50 of them and I love choosing and exchanging presents. I don't think Christmas is all about children either. I can remember saving up my pocket money to buy presents for my sis and parents.

I get this from DM and MIL, have to give them specific list and catalogue references of toys DS might like (and often have to buy them too). I suggest getting DS some small toys and giving him money towards something big like swimming or riding lessons but they won't do that! I vaguely mentioned to MIL I need new gloves now it's cold, she made me choose some, bought them, but I'm not allowed them til Xmas day when I have to unwrap them and look surprised!!