To think its normal for a 2 year old to throw toys

[scoobysnac]

For those of you who have not read my other thread I was a advised on Monday but my sons ht that my son is not allowed to take part in the christmas nativity along with 5 other children of ranging ages as they have short concentration spans.

The HT spoke to me whilst my son was in the same room so he was fully aware of what was being said and he takes everything in. hT also said son runs around too much etc etc and generally being negative about him. Anyway for last 2 days he has refused to go to the nursery and has been in terrible form, very emotional and upset.

Following collection of my son this afternoon I was advised that my son had thrown a toy which had hit another child. This was an accident (the toy making contact) and my son was extremely apologetic and knew he had done something wrong. The HT asked me to speak to my son about this which is fair enough etc etc but them she asked whether he there's toys at home which I said yes go course he's 2 - don't all 2 year olds !!!!
Apparently none of the other 2 year olds in my sons class throw toys only balls and beanbags wtf .

I think I must of sent my son to a parallel universe where all the children sit quietly, don't throw toy and follow directions. Or these are the only children allowed in my sons nursery. That explains the outstanding that ofsted gave them.

Please aibu in thinking its normal for a 2 yr old boy to throw toys. I do obviously tell him not to but he's just at that age isn't he?

Sorry Capsium I misunderstood.

I do think the nursery as a whole sounds strange and IME staff never wish or ask to be called teachers, children and parents tend to use this terminology.

They do not sound very understanding however I know when the staff I managed tried to discuss behavioural issues with parents often they were met with negative comments and basically denial of what the staff were saying. Our staff were very highly trained with regards to SEN so were only ever trying to help make preschool life better for the child involved (often there was not an actual SEN issue but more behaviour that could be worked on).

They would never exclude any child from an activity unless the parent or child did not want to participate.

Clover That's OK. I do sympathise with parents in these situations generally though. Behaviour which manifests within a nursery setting may just not present within the home environment, because they are different.

Similarly, ways of dealing with behaviour can differ between nursery and home, if different behaviours are manifest. The parents may not experience said negative behaviours because their way of dealing with their child is more effective. Nursery's way does not necessarily trump the parent's way, because of training.

Ironically some parents can have more training within the field and still have the very similar problems regarding nursery or school. I know quite a few people where this was the case.

If my two year old throws something then it is taken away, she usually cries, then after a minute or two she calms down, we have cuddles, I do the 'we don't throw our toys' speech, she says sorry, the toy is given back and harmony is restored. If she throws it again (she never normally does) I take the toy away until the next day and distract her until she calms down. Any other form of 'punishment' will not work on a two year old. The nursery is completely U. Your son will not understand why he is being left out of the nativity. Thru nursery should be teaching him not to throw. Can you move him?

Scooby I think you said on your other thread that the nurseries in your area are full, but can you find a CM or something? This place is so wrong for your DS.
2/3 year olds can and do throw toys, I qualified as a NN many years ago and have seen it happen loads. Would you mind me making a suggestion about dealing with it? Instead of immediately removing the toy, remove him from the immediate area, give him a calm time and then speak to him about throwing toys. Remove the toy as well but tell him he can have it back after lunch or similar. A week is too long for him to remember. Do it very single time and he'll probably get bored with having his playtime interrupted. From what you've posted about him he sounds bright enough to get the message pretty quickly.
It's worked for 2 of my 3, DD2 isn't quite 2 yet and has started the throwing thing, we've just started using this technique and it does seem to be working.
Every child is different, people need to remember this. It's all very well to say 'he's the only child who does this' or 'my child never did this' but they're not robots!

Absolutely but if my DCs were displaying difficult behaviour at pre school or school I would have to put sone trust in what the staff are saying and work with them to resolve. My DS2 displays difficult behaviour at home which we deal with the best way we can, he doesn't do it at school but in the past they have helped us with with it.

I would never assume a childcare professional would know everything about my childs behaviour but in that case they would discuss the best way forward with the parents consent and involement. We ensure that when registering the parents give us information on things the children respond to well and we try to work alongside the parents, not against them. i appreciate not all settings are like this.

I think that there is more to it than the OP has stated so far and it's difficult to have an opinion with so little information. 2 year old do throw toys but they have to learn not to do it. So you need to work with the nursery on how to manage it. At home, with my children and with the children I look after, if a child throws a toy it goes on the fridge for one full week (the toy that is, not the child). The rule is the rule and no exception. They learn fast, but if the parents don't act on this at home, it's pointless to do it in a nursery setting. Parents need to agree that a) throwing a toy is not acceptable and b) that there will be a consequence if the child throws a toy. OP says that the toy hit the child accidentally and she seems to think that her child is not to blame or have a consequence for his action. I think she is wrong, she should agree that it is a dangerous behaviour and is not acceptable, and work together with the nursery to make sure it does not happen again.

Forgot to say, I am a registered childminder, and look after a number of children ages 4 months old to 6 years old.

Blueberry - you have explained what I was trying to say so much better

At my setting we had a child who had been asked to leave a setting plus left another before coming to us. We worked very hard, even providing 1:1 at a cost to us but being a charity etc could not sustain this, we could apply for funding but needed the parents to agree behaviour plans etc which they refused to do as they considered it normal behaviour. They removed the child that day and took them to a 4th setting who asked them to leave within 2 months. That is really sad for the child as they were beginning to make progress with us. The issues continued at school.

Yes two year olds throw things. They do however need to learn not to, so I dont think they were being unreasonable to mention this and ask if it happens at home so that you can work together.

Good grief - banned from the nursery nativity for having a short concentration span Did you laugh?? What a bunch of twats. As for throwing toys - it's a normal developmental stage! Yes it's one that they need help to 'pass through quickly', but it's 'normal'... do they actually know anything about children? I'd find another nursery PDQ.

It's hard isn't it because as a childminder/nursery, you have to make sure that all the chidren are safe, and that nobody breaks toys, and that we teach children to respect things around them as well as other people. At 2, I think that most children are ready to learn about respect of things and people (kind hands, etc). But if parents are on a completely different page, will say things like 'well boys will be boys' and allow their child to be disrespectful at home, it's very hard to then show them a more respectful behaviour in a nursery/childminder setting. We have to be on the same page as parents.

My ds is 3 in april.

He throws thigs. He gets told not to do it. If he does it again the toy gets taken away. Repeat ×100.

I think its pretty normal. Kids can be little terrors at tjat age.

ha ha to ht thiniking that all the other two-three year olds are going to concentrate thru out a nativity play.... how many of these has she organised?

consequences need to be immediate to teach him not to throw.
not being in nativity hits parents more than the child

but maybe she wants to subtly kick your child out? make you leave?
which frankly could be the best thing for your son to be an environment which will work with him to address throwing and anything else...

As I said on your last thread - the more you share about the nursery the worse it sounds. You need to leave.