To think its normal for a 2 year old to throw toys

[scoobysnac]

For those of you who have not read my other thread I was a advised on Monday but my sons ht that my son is not allowed to take part in the christmas nativity along with 5 other children of ranging ages as they have short concentration spans.

The HT spoke to me whilst my son was in the same room so he was fully aware of what was being said and he takes everything in. hT also said son runs around too much etc etc and generally being negative about him. Anyway for last 2 days he has refused to go to the nursery and has been in terrible form, very emotional and upset.

Following collection of my son this afternoon I was advised that my son had thrown a toy which had hit another child. This was an accident (the toy making contact) and my son was extremely apologetic and knew he had done something wrong. The HT asked me to speak to my son about this which is fair enough etc etc but them she asked whether he there's toys at home which I said yes go course he's 2 - don't all 2 year olds !!!!
Apparently none of the other 2 year olds in my sons class throw toys only balls and beanbags wtf .

I think I must of sent my son to a parallel universe where all the children sit quietly, don't throw toy and follow directions. Or these are the only children allowed in my sons nursery. That explains the outstanding that ofsted gave them.

Please aibu in thinking its normal for a 2 yr old boy to throw toys. I do obviously tell him not to but he's just at that age isn't he?

Isn't throwing things a normal developmental stage at this age? "Casting" or something

Of course you teach them not to do it but at 2 it is pretty normal IMO and the nursery are being very U

You confiscate toys for a whole week? He's 2, he won't be able to remember why it was removed when you finally give it back.

Can I make a suggestion with regards to the number of toys? Box them all up, and only allow a certain number out each week. Then he will notice the loss of one toy. But I would give it back later on that day so that he can still remember. Perhaps if he throws in the morning, give it back after lunch. And boxing the toys up means that it's like getting new toys every week, they get appreciated when they come out again and aren't just part of the background.

Maybe combine it with redirection, 'oh, you want to play throwing? Let's go outside and play with your ball' or give him soft toys that he is allowed to throw, so that he gets the chance to burn off some energy and his desire to throw things, in an acceptable manner.

And physically being like a 6 year old doesn't mean he's mentally like one. Do you mean he's the size of a 6 year old, or has the physical abilities of a 6 year old? If the former, that sounds extremely unusual, and has he been checked for any physical reason for his large size?

If they are making out he has SN, which they can't really just on the strength of this, they should be making extra provision for him. What is more they should be including him.

Chronically we do box up and one box comes out each day. The toys he usually throws are my 10 month olds. If she is going to play with something he will throw it out of her reacH. The throwing is definitely out of frustration. This has improved since his speech has.

We do lots of ball games. He physically like a 6 year old. He's very strong and enjoys running around but mentally he doesn't get the message when the other child has had enough.

I have read your threads about this the nursery sounds far to old for him and they expect too much a head teacher anyway no it isnt all that normal for a child to keep throwing toys they need to make sure he doesnt that is their job to look after all the children why is the keyworkers not looking after you son properly

It might be worth looking into changing nurseries. I know a few people who have done this. It did not disrupt the child, in fact it was like a breath of fresh air!

he doesnt get the message because he is 2 on the one hand you are saying he understands and gets emotional and then on the other you say he doesn't understand , he will understand NO if you repeat it long enough he is throwing toys because he likes the reaction that is why most 2 year old do it

Well just correct your ds when he does that, appropriate punishment if he continues. Abut the nursery, find a new one that one sounds awful excluding your ds like tat from what is meant to be a fun thing. Your ds is obviously picking up negative vibes. Are they egatively to your ds, it does sound like it from your ops

capsium - I do agree with you, in the instance I quoted it is fully down to nurture but I do not want to disclose too much more info as I have no idea if the parent is on MN. If you do not correct a child then the chances are that they will continue their behaviour, I did not suggest this is always the case and did also not say there was no hope at 2 either so I don't really understand your comment.

I know that my friends DS behaves how he does because of a lack of discipline, it is the same with her eldest DC. This is not the case for every child.

I would be concerned that you feel qualified to judge Clover.

No hope at 2 is an extreme example of the belief everything in behaviour is down to nature. Such an extreme view I would find abhorrent.

As I have said a complex relationship between nature, nurture and behaviour.

If he regularly throws toys then it is a problem for the nursery as they have other children to consider. My DD got a black eye at nursery from another child throwing a toy. That's not to say that the nursery shouldn't be working with you to resolve the throwing issue.

At 2 children have some understanding of things, but still have a very long way to go. The most noticeable thing about my DD (who is 3.3) is that concepts of time are very difficult for her to grasp. There would be no point in taking a toy away from her for a week as she really doesn't know what a week is, so I don't think your DS will either.

I think small children need either distraction and praise for good behaviour or immediate consequences for poor behaviour. We count to 3 and if we get to 3 DD sits on the bottom step for 1 minute for each year. This works really well for us and we probably only get to 3 once a week, if that. I'm not sure whether what we do is similar to 1, 2, 3 Magic - but that sounds like a workable system and there are books out there on it.

For many parents nursery is a parallel universe where their children miraculously behave. I remember asking DD's nursery if she misbehaved at nursery (as she did at home in some way that I have now forgotten). The room leader smiled and said, "she is a little lamb for us". Somehow the routine, the opportunity to follow the behaviour of others and the total focus from the trained childcare professionals all contribute to well behaved children. Obviously it isn't like that for all children, but it does seem that for many/most they are on their best behaviour at nursery.

you do not know the situation capsium, there is a lot more to it and it is more complicated than I have explained in my posts.

I just was confused as to why you commented about 'no hope' when responding to my post when I did not suggest this for a second.

Your nursery sounds like a local nursery where I live near the hospital. They don't let the children play loudly or run around. They have to sit and play quietly and eat quietly.

A 2 year old will throw toys and test boundaries so yanbu. I'd change nursery tbh. My children wouldn't last in a place like that for 1 minute before driving them all crazy with their running around and constant talking.

Normal for many reasons out of frustration, high spirits, doing it to get a reaction or experimenting to see how it will fly.

The nursery sounds awful. I'd find a new, caring nursery that won't freak out over normal 2yo behaviour.

CAN I just point out that on her other thread the OP said that her DS is 3 in January.I think this puts a different slant on things.A 3 yr old should not still be exhibiting that kind of behaviour.

A 3 yr old should not still be exhibiting that kind of behaviour.

And could you please explain why that is?

I would like to know why no 3 year old should ever exhibit that kind of behaviour, especially when the 3 year old in question has speech delay and struggles with the frustration of not being able to communicate. Are you saying that a child with extra needs such as the OPs should not have any outburts at all? Good luck with pushing that one on the SN board.

3 year olds are still toddlers, still have barely formed impulse control and depending on their lives, upbringing and personalities can be less mature than children a year younger.

The comment was not directed at you clover rather it was a related point.

Of my four kids, three haven't thrown stuff and one throws randomly once every free months

She says that he throws toys a lot at home.I just don't think it is normal behaviour .I worked in a pre school plygroup for a while while DD was small and I was on a career break from my proper job.Itook a DPP course for fun and I don't think this behaviour is normal at 3.I think instead of being defensive, the OP needs to listen to what the school are saying.It is important they pick up on any potential issues ASAP

Intit

Having speech delay is not considered "normal" either, so the two could go hand in hand.

And he isnt three, he is almost three, as I said above there can be a world of difference in the emotional and behavioural levels of children at that age. And any "potential issues" are just that, the OP has already engaged with her HV about it, but ADHD is notoriously hard to diagnose in a ten year old, never mind a two year old! The OP is doing the right thing, sticking up for her child, working on his diagnoses problem (speech delay) and looking for a more suitable environment for him.

Whatever your thoughts on the childs behaviour, a nursery with a head teacher and classes is not somewhere I would want my child, is it somewhere you would want yours?

Bogeyface - do you mean that a nursery with "rooms" and a "nursery manager" is ok, but one with "classes" and a "head teacher" isn't?

Yes I suppose I do.

Because a Head Teacher (especially these days) has to earn their right to be called that. It takes years to become a HT, years of training, courses, experience, OFSTED reports etc etc etc. But anyone could open a nursery and call themselves a HT, thereby giving themselves a level of superiority, knowledge and experience that they dont have. To work with the children then you need to be qualified, but it is totally different training to teacher training and completely different in focus.

Even if this woman was a HT in the past, she isnt now. This isnt a school and it shouldnt be run as one. A school would have a board of governers, every school has them private or public, but this woman seemingly answers to herself and herself only.

excuse terrible spelling, got a headache.

I would want the OP to clarify that the HT actually refers to herself as the HT, as roles and names can be miscommunicated. Though i agree that if the terminology used by the nursery is "HT" and "class" then it is bit of an odd environment for a 2yo.

For example, my DD refers to the staff at her nursery as "teachers" but I don't think they are teachers, they are nursery staff. And my FIL asks my DD how "school" is and I have to correct him to "nursery". .

Fair point *Breathe" but to me, for a woman who has never had a child in school it seems an odd thing to say if it hasnt come from the nursery. All of my lot except the youngest has been to private nursery as council nursery places are rarer than hens teeth around here. And all have referred to the staff by their first names, from the work experience/trainee up to the manager, and this is 4 different nurseries. When DD goes I would expect it to be the same and wouldnt even consider anywhere with classes or teachers or whatever.

Being generous, perhaps the nursery thinks it is better to use this terminology to prepare the children for school. But even that wouldnt sit well with me. Childcare is, to me, a substitute for parent care and should be focussed on that. The nursery eldest DS and DD went to was wonderful for its hugs and caring attitude. There was never a free lap in the place, there would be 2 and sometimes 3 children on each staff members knee! Lots of mess, noise and running around, just as there would be at home. Thats what a nursery should be, not classes and exclusions.