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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to speak to the school about this?

156 replies

Queen0fFlamingEverything · 27/11/2013 11:22

DD is in Yr 6 at a small village school. Every day, almost without fail, her class are at least 5 minutes late out of school. The other classes are generally out on time, and on the one day a fortnight that her class has a different teacher to the usual class teacher, her class are also on time.

They are meant to finish at 3.15 but the earliest her teacher has ever let them out is 3.19. Most days its more like 3.25 and several times it has been 3.30. DD says this is because the teacher insists on everyone standing silently before anyone leaves.

There's no shelter in the playground and its pretty unpleasant waiting with smaller children. I often just turn up at 20 past now, but for people with DC in other classes thats not an option.

More seriously though, DD wants to start walking home on her own. Its a 15 minute walk over fields with no major roads to cross, which I am otherwise happy with her doing - but I want to know when to expect her back and when to start worrying if she's late...

OP posts:
bababababoom · 27/11/2013 11:59

when my ds went to school, we had a ten minute run to the bus stop, or a two hour wait until the next bus. I wouldn't have been impressed if he'd come out late. I would definitely speak to the teacher.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/11/2013 12:03

When I was at secondary school there was a teacher like this in our last lesson of the day - we were always at least 10 minutes out, usually later and she seemed to love having that power. Unfortunately about 6 of us in the class all needed to catch the school bus and 90% of the time we would miss it. It wasn't a normal bus, I.e one with a route etc, just a school bus that if you missed, you missed. There was no option of another one coming along. That meant we would all have to make the 25 minute walk into town and hang around somewhere until our parents finished work and could come and pick us up. It was a total PITA.

Thankfully all the parents got together and spoke to the Head about it - we were all let out on time from then on Smile

Definitely speak to the school!

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:04

It's all of this 'it's the school's problems' that is why there are so many discipline problems

I would counter that and say the schools have discipline problems because they wish to blame the parents....

School need to accept responsibility for establishing discipline within the school. Parents cannot do this for them.

Taking a long time to dress may not be a discipline problem, neither may not being able to stay silent. It may be due a SN, fine motor skill problems, ADHD, Autism all may affect abilities in this area. All should be accommodated, even if undiagnosed.

Shesparkles · 27/11/2013 12:04

Yes I'd contact the school about it-it's the biggest pain in the backside for the parents and other people.
My kids walk to and from school and I start to worry if they're not home round about the usual time
I once tore a strip off a depute head at dd's previous primary school for keeping the whole class till 3.30 to deal with a silly prank, which the lad responsible had already owned up to. I asked her why it couldn't have been dealt with the following day, which she couldn't answer. Meanwhile I and a lot of other parents were up to 99 worrying about where our children were

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/11/2013 12:09

The thing that would annoy me most about this is if you are meant to be going to an activity after school. You might have booked something that starts at 3.45 on the basis it takes 20 mins to get there. Them being let out late might mean you're late to the next appointment. 5 mins late can happen sometimes but more than that is disrespectful to the parents.

noblegiraffe · 27/11/2013 12:09

If you'd called it a whole class detention (which it essentially is) for the misbehaviour of a few, MN would be far more supportive!

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/11/2013 12:11

The point I was trying to make is that it works both ways. Of parents go marching in demanding their kids be let out bang on time then start expecting phone calls of your two mins late. Or having to explain to teachers why homework wasn't done because the teacher rubbed it off the board at 3:15. Or the teacher wouldn't allow anyone back in to fetch lunch bags jumpers etc because school closed instantly.

Sure teachers have better things to do than wait for kids old enough to stand still for a minute to decide they are going to. Surely all parents especially the parents of the kids who mess around should be speaking to their children about it

kilmuir · 27/11/2013 12:13

Thats life

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:14

Giles What would you say to a parent who complained to school about a child's behaviour at home, expecting them to do something about it?

Teachers really do not have 'better things to do' if they are good teachers. They either teach them how to effectively, or pick their battles.

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:17

As I said I give some leeway. I expect teachers to do the same. However late out everyday is really bad time keeping and erodes the whole concept of leaving times.

allmycats · 27/11/2013 12:18

If these children are incapable of following a simple instruction - such as standing quietly where does the teacher draw the line as to what is acceptable when she makes a request and what is not. She has to be firm and follow through , if you are not all quiet we will all have to wait until you are before any one you leave - she says it , she HAS to follow it through. The parent's need to ensure that their children listen to the teacher and follow her, in this case, very simple, instruction.
And. what a stupid comment to make to tell the child to walk out at 3.15,
my sons' partner is a primary teacher and regularly has the response from children (backed up by the parent) that ' you can't tell me what to do only my Mum can do that'

Dancergirl · 27/11/2013 12:19

Or parents should tell their kids to stand quietly when they are asked to? Then they won't be late out..........

That's not going to help. I imagine the majority of the class stand quietly but probably a few kids who don't. You can remind YOUR child till the cows come home but unless there is silence from 100% of the class it's not going to solve the issue.

toffeesponge · 27/11/2013 12:19

OP, does it cause you a genuine problem if you child is out a few minutes late? Once a fortnight we have an appointment nearly an hour away and if my children were late out by more than a few minutes it would have caused a problem if we weren't able to change the appointment time.

If it is just because you are cold then no, do not speak to the school.

I never mind if the class is late out as I felt the teachers weren't desperate to get rid of the children! My kids are at a new school now, much better than the last one, and they are either out bang on or a few minutes late. Not an issue.

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:21

And why would the teacher not give a child enough time, that is,within school's time to copy down their homework?

If children are constantly forgetting lunch bags and jumpers I would question whether there is enough time for them to fetch them / enough collective reminders to collect everything together.

Even at secondary we were given 5mins to 'pack up' at the end of standard lessons, which involved putting books away in our bags.

volestair · 27/11/2013 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2013 12:23

You see I see standing out in the freezing cold / snow / rain / wind for 15 minutes with a mardy toddler a bloody inconvenience. Maybe I'm just a bit of a princess

NoComet · 27/11/2013 12:23

YANBU
I think several of our parents did complain about the always late teacher as it wasn't fair in siblings.

Also it's a piter for anyone doing 4pm swimming lessons or picking up from the senior school if they are late out.

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:24

If these children are incapable of following a simple instruction - such as standing quietly where does the teacher draw the line as to what is acceptable when she makes a request and what is not. She has to be firm and follow through

She should not be using late out as a sanction. Neither should she be punishing the whole class.

Why should she be expecting the children to do something they are incapable of and then punishing them if they don't?

Dancergirl · 27/11/2013 12:24

No of course don't tell your dd to walk out at 3.15. Discipline should be backed up at home.

OP, I can see it's annoying but there are 2 separate issues here - firstly it's just a bit annoying, secondly it's affecting your dd's walk home. If you trust her to walk home safely then a few extra minutes shouldn't make a difference. Why don't you just assume she will be leaving school at 3.25 so should be home by 3.40pm. If she gets home earlier it's a bonus.

Does she have a phone? Can you ask her to text you when she's out of school so you know what time to expect her?

noblegiraffe · 27/11/2013 12:26

The teacher needs to think about what she wants to achieve. Presumably a calm, orderly exit. This does not require the whole class to be silent at exact same time. She could have them all ready and stood behind their chairs, then let them go by name when they are quiet. She could say the table that is silent first gets to go first. There are many ways of achieving a calm exit without waiting for a pin drop moment.

Waiting for silence at the start of the lesson is important, because the whole class needs to listen to instructions. At the end of the day the teacher is simply imposing her authority for no good reason, and apparently failing and pissing off others in the process.

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:29

Discipline should be backed up at home.

Parents will not back up or support discipline they don't agree with because it is intrinsically unfair (whole class punishments). Schools need to listen to the parents if they want them to support the school.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/11/2013 12:29

But then what would happen if the teacher just kept the ones responsible. She would be accused of singling out children or the mum goes in starting on about activities booked etc.

These kids will be sitting exams soon which involves being silent for a damn sight longer.

My dds class used to be out late a lot resulting in missing a bus sometimes but I didn't say anything because the kids were so young and of course it took time to get them out as no matter how organised the class was there's always something :o

I just think that it's important that discipline is backed up because it's no fun for anyone and makes life harder for parents and teachers.

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:32

Giles If it is only a few individuals who are responsible no they should not be singled out. They should be supported and helped to learn these skills.

capsium · 27/11/2013 12:32

Or a bit of leeway, ie not expecting absolute silence can be employed...

noblegiraffe · 27/11/2013 12:33

And in that case, Giles a conversation could be had with the mum about why exactly her child is being singled out. She can then support the school and berate her unruly child.

If it's the same kids every day, then that is also an opportunity for the teacher to talk to them about behaviour once the other kids have left.

If a kid is pissing around day after day after day, then it's no skin off their nose if the whole class is kept behind day after day after day. If it's them that gets out last every day, then it might actually start to register with them that being quiet quicker is better for them.

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