Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not accept this money from the church?

38 replies

OHforDUCKScake · 26/11/2013 12:28

Ive just started taking my 2 year old to a church play group. Its brilliant, accomdating to his needs and generally absolutely lovely.

It has a seperate room for buggies. A couple of weeks ago I left my bag in there two with two £10 notes in my wallet in the bag which aid withdrawn minutes before play group to get lunch after play group. Left that morning opened wallet in the supermarket and the notes have gone.

I knew someone nicked it but I left my bag in a room with a bunch of buggies, I should have expected it.

I stupidly didnt say anything to the leaders. I should have done. But Id only just stated, they had to make some ammendments to their group so my son could attend, some of which one or two of the mums didnt like and the last thing I wanted to do is tell them someone was robbing from me.

But today I went and they handed out a note, someone had £15 stolen from them last week so I told them about the £20 that was taken from my purse.

Later they told me the church would give me back the money which really shocked me and I instantly said no. But they were insistant. Said the other woman left her bag in the same room and they gave her the money back.

I cant really accept it though can I? For many reasons.

The day I left my bag I looked at it and thought is it ok here? And I thought yes of course it is. Its a church group! Wrong. That was my bad decision, not the church.

If I had told them what happened to me, the woman never would have left her bag in there and got her money stolen. So instead of the church feeling like they owe £20, its now £35 all because I didnt tell them.

And lastly, its a church! They shouldnt forfit the money just because someone who attends is presumably desperate for money in the lead up for Christmas.

So the rig thing to do is just refuse the money isnt it? They were insistant but i can insist harder.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Lurkersanonymous · 26/11/2013 12:30

I don't know what the right answer is but this is so heart warming all round!

FluffyJumper · 26/11/2013 12:30

I would accept the money back. It is nice of them to offer and I would think it would look rude to say no. Church's are not poor.

CHJR · 26/11/2013 12:31

Tell them what you said here, especially your third-last paragraph. And tell them if it still bothers them, to consider they've given you the £20 and you're donating it back for them to spend on a cause they consider worthy -- whether fixing something in the church, or giving to the poor.

ThenSheSaid · 26/11/2013 12:32

I wouldn't accept it but I would have really appreciated being offered it.

Maybe, if I was extremely skint I would take a tenner but I would much prefer not too.

sashh · 26/11/2013 12:33

Take it, if you feel bad you can give it back as a donation or give it to a charity, or buy a toy for the play group.

Lariflete · 26/11/2013 12:33

I suppose it would depend on whether you really need the money or not. If you do, take it, if not don't.
But you sound lovely just because you aren't blaming all and sundry and are being kind about someone who is presumably in dire straits (although that is definitely not an excuse for stealing!!)

squoosh · 26/11/2013 12:33

I think it's lovely of them to offer. Take it, it's yours. Maybe it would be a nice gesture to keep an eye out for their Christmas appeal and donate a toy or some food or whatever.

SparklyFucker · 26/11/2013 12:34

£20 is a quarter of my food budget for a week. In the circumstances, yes I'd take the money offered. How much do you need it, or not?

OHforDUCKScake · 26/11/2013 12:34

I did, I told them all of what Id written but they were having none of it.

OP posts:
Bubblegoose · 26/11/2013 12:34

I wouldn't accept it, but what a lovely offer.

I think CHJR's suggestion is a good one.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/11/2013 12:35

Maybe accept the money and then give it straight back as a donation?

OHforDUCKScake · 26/11/2013 12:35

Im totally broke if Im honest. Im on benefits with a sick kid, but as far as Im concerned the money doesnt exist now it happened 3 weeks ago and Ive budgeted for the rest of the month, its tight but we arent going to starve.

OP posts:
LEMisafucker · 26/11/2013 12:35

Accept it and then put in their collection box x

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/11/2013 12:36

But seriously, if you are broke then accept the money back with good grace and then use it for your family.

Snowflakepie · 26/11/2013 12:37

If you don't need it, just accept it graciously, and pop it back in the church donations box over Christmas. They sound a lovely group, and it wasn't their fault someone is thieving. As long as others know and don't leave bags unattended. If anyone asks, say you gave it back in the box and leave it at that. No point making a big fuss, and they probably felt bad about it all too.

Snowflakepie · 26/11/2013 12:38

Or keep it if things are tight. Churches are all about charity, or at least they should be IMO.

LEMisafucker · 26/11/2013 12:39

in that case, half for you and half for the collection box - an extra treat for you and the kids?

OHforDUCKScake · 26/11/2013 12:40

Ok, accept it £10 into their collection pot and £10 back?

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 26/11/2013 12:40

X posted.

Thats decided then!

Thanks. Smile

OP posts:
DuckToWater · 26/11/2013 12:42

How awful that someone is thieving from other mums. I've left money in bags in similar circumstances at baby groups, always felt safe doing so, and nothing ever went missing.

I would take the money gratefully if you need it, OP. Lovely of them to offer.

OrangeJuiceSandwich · 26/11/2013 12:46

I wouldn't accept because it will probably come out of playgroup funds so my child would suffer than way.

Plus I'd always feel they offered because they had to, not knowing if I was telling the truth as I only mentioned it when someone else had.

SaucyJack · 26/11/2013 12:47

Have you considered that they already knew there was a likelihood of it going missing, and they're only replacing it out of guilt/feeling responsible anyway?

For all you know, you may have been the third or fourth person it's happened to. Or they may have an attendee that they know has a history of being light-fingered.

Take it if you need it. It was not your fault somebody stole your money, and the church is doing the Christian thing by replacing it.

sandfrog · 26/11/2013 12:47

Church's are not poor.

It's not quite that simple. There's a big variety from one church to the next.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Properties_and_finances_of_the_Church_of_England

"the majority of the financial burden of church upkeep and the work of local parishes still rests with individual parishes and dioceses, which meet their requirements from donations."

sandfrog · 26/11/2013 12:49

OP, you'd be totally justified in keeping the money but what you've decided sounds a good solution all round.

QuintessentialShadows · 26/11/2013 12:50

Could it be that the monies stolen has been returned to the Church anonymously as the person who took them has been overcome by guilt?

Swipe left for the next trending thread