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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? or is my friend a drama queen?

42 replies

ThereWasOnceAGirl · 24/11/2013 23:41

So Saturday evening driving with my friend when I get a text, friend was holding my phone tells me who its from and I asked her to read it out to me. Text was from friend Sarah asking to meet up on Wednesday (it was a group text)

I just thought, ok cool I'll text back once I've finished driving. We got to friends new house party and I ended up staying the night as had been drinking so didn't want to drive and having a good night and I just genuinely forgot to text back.

Next morning a couple of us decided to go out for lunch and just have a relaxing Sunday. I then get a text from Sarah demanding to know if I was ignoring her on purpose.

I was a bit Hmm as I wouldn't do that as it would be childish. I text her back basically saying chill out, I've been out most of the weekend so been busy.

She then goes into a huge rant about how I'm rude and should have apologised for not texting back. And that it's very hurtful to make effort and not get anything back.

It had barely been a day. I was busy and made a genuine mistake of forgetting.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 24/11/2013 23:42

She's a drama queen.

Only1scoop · 24/11/2013 23:44

She's not really a friend

MamaMumra · 24/11/2013 23:48

Massive drama queen. Text back that you are busy on Wednesday and steer clear!

caramelwaffle · 24/11/2013 23:51

Drama Llama

ZenNudist · 24/11/2013 23:54

Is she 12?

Be busy Wednesday.

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 24/11/2013 23:55

Massive drama queen. Text back that you are busy on Wednesday and steer clear!

She sent a text saying that we are 25 and she doesn't want to argue, but that I was hurtful as she was making the effort - and that she hoped to see me.

Made me so angry, because I wasn't even arguing. She gives me such negative vibes and brings me down BUT it's hard to break away from that friendship as its quite a close circle of friends and it would make things extremely awkward.

I honestly felt like saying - please take your drama somewhere else because I don't have the time or energy for it.

I've said I was suppose to be going out but I'll let her know. So tempted to not go.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 24/11/2013 23:56

Drama queen.

FetchezLaVache · 25/11/2013 00:00

She sounds like hard work!

ImperialBlether · 25/11/2013 00:04

Basically all she did was to click on your name to add you to the list. Where's the hard work in that?

MamaMumra · 25/11/2013 00:13

ThereWasOnceAGirl she sounds like hard work! How demanding!

I honestly felt like saying - please take your drama somewhere else because I don't have the time or energy for it.

She would surely just milk more drama out of that! Run for the hills!

BrianTheMole · 25/11/2013 00:28

Drama queen.

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 00:33

I hate people that think that you have nothing better to do than sit around waiting for them to make contact with you! I used to work with someone like this, she texted me while I was driving a half hour journey. She texted me three times after that (still driving!) demanding to know why I was ignoring her.

So I decided not to reply until the next day on purpose. She was only asking to swap a shift (again) so she could have both weekend nights off (again) and I would get no time off at the weekend (again). Totally ignored her, acted surprised when she asked me about it and she never asked me to swap again. Result!

WheresTheHoneyMummy · 25/11/2013 00:42

She's a drama queen!
My best friend and I often take hours or even days to reply to each others texts. But we're both busy working mums with several children each. If it's urgent and needs a quick reply we pick up the phone and have a proper conversation.

nennypops · 25/11/2013 00:45

If you feel you have to stay on reasonably friendly terms with her, take her aside at some point and say that she needs to realise that people may not respond to texts immediately for good reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with ignoring her or being rude. Thereafter, make a point of never answering her texts immediately unless you actually have to.

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 01:13

She needs to realise that people may not respond to texts immediately for good reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with ignoring her or being rude

Should have said I was rude because I said - chill out and that I didn't immediately apologise for not replying.

I think for not replying I was just very hurtful because she was making effort and I was not giving anything back.

Sad

I despair. I feel like I should be back in school.

Honestly if it had got to Wednesday and I had not made any contact then yes I'd be an awful friend or even Tuesday/Monday would be pushing it.

OP posts:
Secondopinions · 25/11/2013 05:52

Text back and tell her that you are not obliged to respond to a text within any time frame. It is merely a request to start a conversation and if it was important she should have used her brain and called.
YANBU

NK5BM3 · 25/11/2013 06:11

Yanbu - I have a female relative like this. She'd text and then 5 min later text again. She's done this with so many people its unreal.

She probably thought you were ignoring her though because when your friend read that text to you, on her smartphone it would then have changed status from 'delivered' to 'read'.

Having said that she needs to still chill. Ridiculous.

Tee2072 · 25/11/2013 06:59

My phone doesn't tell me if texts are read. Which one is it that does that so I can avoid it at all costs?

She's acting like a drama queen. Be busy Wednesday.

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 09:57

I'm just so angry and more angry that I let her get to me.

I missed it out on the OP but during the "argument" she called me twice. First time it was in my pocket on silent and when I answered on the second the bar I was in had a live band so you couldn't hear a thing.

I clearly told her I was busy and still out and yet she stil decided to call me. Confused

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 25/11/2013 10:02

Shes a dick.

Its annoying when someone doesnt reply, but aim guilty of it myself so theres no way Id start kicking off about it.

Unless you do it all the time to her, sne is just being a dramaqueen.

misskatamari · 25/11/2013 11:08

She is being a drama queen but to me a "chill out" response would come across as rude even if you didn't mean it to be. I would probably have text back saying something like "sorry I didn't reply sooner, been out all weekend..." If I leave it ages I reply to a text (as in later on a day later) then generally I think it is polite to acknowledge you have taken a whole to get back to someone.

Her response is a bit OTT - but she has obviously been hurt by how you responded even if it was unintentional on your part. Hashing it out via text is also probably not the best way to deal with it either as thins do get misconstrued as it is all down to your interpretation of the message - which might be totally different to the senders intention.

Your angry, she's hurt. If you value her friendship I'd give her a call and make peace.

misskatamari · 25/11/2013 11:08

Sorry my phone loves to take perfectly well spelt words and make things unintelligible in places!

MonkeysInTheFog · 25/11/2013 11:16

Weeeeelllll.....if I'm asked a direct question, especially if someone's trying to organise something I try to reply ASAP. How long does it take to send a text, really? Thirty seconds?

However I'd never get shirty about a late reply - and if I really needed a reply I'd probably send a follow up text saying "Sorry to be a pain but can you let me know ASAP x" and if I still didn't get a reply I'd assume the recipient really was busy and would reply when they could.

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 11:32

I try to reply ASAP. How long does it take to send a text, really? Thirty seconds?

But tbf I explained why I didn't instantly text back.

And it was about meeting up for just a drink, so not like a table had to be booked or final number had to be known iyswim.

And I said chill out, because she instantly went into accusing me of ignoring her deliberately, which I thought was very ott.

OP posts:
misskatamari · 25/11/2013 12:34

Only you know if she generally acts like a drama queen or if this is out of character.

I know personally I would find being told "chill out" would get my back up - but you are totally right in the sentiment - she was being unreasonable to start accusing you of deliberately ignoring her. Just trying I look at it from the other side as she's obviously viewing the situation differently to you.

As I said - texting can lead to crossed wires and misunderstandings so easily.

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