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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? or is my friend a drama queen?

42 replies

ThereWasOnceAGirl · 24/11/2013 23:41

So Saturday evening driving with my friend when I get a text, friend was holding my phone tells me who its from and I asked her to read it out to me. Text was from friend Sarah asking to meet up on Wednesday (it was a group text)

I just thought, ok cool I'll text back once I've finished driving. We got to friends new house party and I ended up staying the night as had been drinking so didn't want to drive and having a good night and I just genuinely forgot to text back.

Next morning a couple of us decided to go out for lunch and just have a relaxing Sunday. I then get a text from Sarah demanding to know if I was ignoring her on purpose.

I was a bit Hmm as I wouldn't do that as it would be childish. I text her back basically saying chill out, I've been out most of the weekend so been busy.

She then goes into a huge rant about how I'm rude and should have apologised for not texting back. And that it's very hurtful to make effort and not get anything back.

It had barely been a day. I was busy and made a genuine mistake of forgetting.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 25/11/2013 12:39

Crikey.

'In light of your aggressive responses I think I'll give it a miss this time'.

Then arrange something yourself with the others.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 25/11/2013 12:41

I would send "dear god, woman, it hasnt even been 24 hours. Im not glued to my phone and sometimes am not able to respond immediatley. I am free Wednesday and was going to respond this evening but now that I have realised what a crazy loon you are, I think I will have a bubble bath instead"

Alexandrite · 25/11/2013 12:48

She completely overreacted, but do you never reply to texts and she finally had enough, or was it a one off and she was being a bit bonkers?

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 12:52

do you never reply to texts and she finally had enough, or was it a one off and she was being a bit bonkers?

I've never really been an instant replying. But I would always reply in good time.

Saturday evening asking to out on Wednesday, I think Sunday afternoon was a bit too soon to create such drama.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 12:55

And she also very much has double standards.

I text her as I needed to know the plan for the next day. About 10/15 minutes after the text she'd posted on FB "via mobile"

I text her again about an hour later saying - sorry to be a pain but need to know asap as its tomorrow. And she lied to me saying that her phone was on silent.

She'd blatantly used it after I text, she never has it on silent and it's practically glued to her hand.

I let it go.

I wouldn't start calling her rude, hurtful and demanding she answers my calls when I know shes out with other people.

OP posts:
Alexandrite · 25/11/2013 13:04

I think the fact that it was a group email makes it odder as it doesn't inconvenience her to not know sooner. If it was just to you and she always had to wait a while for a response, she might feel that she was missing out on making alternative plans with friends who might get booked up while she waited for a yes or no from you.

Mitchell2 · 25/11/2013 13:04

God - my friends would disown me if that was the speed of response they want! I generally don't get around to texting people sometimes for a day - just got better things to do than sit around waiting for someone to contact me. although for work I am usually glued to my blackberry so they have more of a chance with an email than a text Smile.

Seriously, if she felt it was super urgent she should have called you.

custardo · 25/11/2013 13:09

did you send her a text back telling her you didn't think an apology necessary?

my friends know that whilst at work, I will answer texts at lunchtime, once I get home, phone is firmly at bottom of bag, where it stays until the next day. never had a problem, in fact one friend said that she thought it was great that I don't sit glued to my phone all evening at home.

ofcourse I don't i'm glued to mumsnet on the puter :)

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 13:19

did you send her a text back telling her you didn't think an apology necessary?

Damn it. No I didn't. But bloody wish I had.

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 25/11/2013 13:20

I would probably have just said

no sorry I forgot to text back I've been busy, weds sounds good/not doable

etc

you did contibute by instantly responding with a chill out message, there was no need really

mountain meets molehill and you are both drama llamas

MrTumblesKnickers · 25/11/2013 13:50

I have a friend like this, she's lovely but doesn't get that other people's lives don't revolve around their phones!

A year or so ago we went to a wedding together. She was driving and was late. I was waiting outside the church. I sent her a text saying I'd go into the church and she could meet me there. She turned up later and was angry at me - she'd rear-ended someone while reading my text! The text message alert noise provokes a Pavlov's dog reaction in her and she just has to reach for the phone.

farrowandbawl · 25/11/2013 13:54

Run.

Run and never look back.

This has happened to me a couple of times now,
it's now a default filter. When giving my number out I do mention that I'm not glued to my phone and if I don't answer straight away, it just means that I'm busy and not ignoring you. This statement has been received very well so far, almost with relief on a couple of occations.

When someone reacts like your friend does if I don't answer a text within a nanosecond - I don't bother dealing with them again and loose all respect and patience for that person. Later on I've found that people who react like that turn out to be hard work and immature. I've yet to be proven wrong.

SJisontheway · 25/11/2013 14:05

I think there are 2 of you in it. She WBU to expect an immediate response, and very much over reacted, but I think you fanned the flames with your chill out response.

Original poster
ThereWasOnceAGirl · 25/11/2013 14:19

To be honest I didn't think at the time the "chill out" response was rude etc.

I meant it as in, seriously calm down why the hell would you think I would ignore you on purpose.

It was extremely accusatory her second text, that I felt it needed a chill out - my life does not revolve around you and it's not all about you if I don't reply.

OP posts:
NK5BM3 · 25/11/2013 20:58

Tee - it's the iPhone. And if your friend has an iPhone too, it'll text messages in blue (rather than green). And it'll tell you if it's delivered or read. Scary stuff.

Gintastic · 25/11/2013 21:07

Trouble is that if you leave the messaging app open, it looks like it's been read to the sender, even if your phone is on the other side of the house - just unlocked with messaging open... Got me in trouble with DH that one did, now I have read receipts turned off.

Gossipmonster · 25/11/2013 21:12

She sounds like hard work.

My friend didn't turn up to the pub for a night out I texted her the next day to ask her to let me know she was still
alive as I was genuinely (slightly - she has form) worried.

She is alive. All is good.

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