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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People at work talking in their language.

47 replies

SirTrumpetBum · 24/11/2013 23:33

Where I work I am the only English person. All the other girls are from Poland. We get along pretty well and have a laugh where we can but I am really struggling with them all talking in polish. They frequently stand together and talk in polish. Quite often I feel that they are possibly talking about me and I also feel left out. I try to brush it off and make a joke about it but it grates me. They all speak very good English so its not a case that they are trying to communicate something that they couldn't do in English and need to speak polish to do so, its so they can chat and gossip.
I have made some attempts to learn phrases and words so I can join in but I have made very little progress in terms of learning the language.

I don't know how to tackle it. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but I feel very awkward when they do it, almost like I am interrupting a private conversation even though I don't have a clue what they are saying. Maybe I'm being a little touchy....I don't know.

OP posts:

NicknameIncomplete · 24/11/2013 23:35

YANBU. They are very rude.

I am not sure what you can do about it though apart from spesk to them about it.

Alisvolatpropiis · 24/11/2013 23:37

I think it is natural for people to speak in their first language regardless of how fluent they are in their second (or third) when in a group of the same nationality. They probably haven't realised.

Maybe speak to them and just say you sometimes feel a bit left out and would like to join in with them?

lunar1 · 24/11/2013 23:37

No they are being very rude, do you have a manager you can speak to?

AnnieLobeseder · 24/11/2013 23:41

Hmmm, that is rude of them, I can see why they're doing it. When there is only one person who doesn't speak a language that is the first language of the rest of a big group, it is pretty annoying to have to cater to that one person all the time and speak your second language for their benefit. I speak two other languages fluently, but it's still always an effort to keep it up and such a relief to be able to revert to English.

Could you ask them to switch to English when you approach and let you join in?

Original poster

SirTrumpetBum · 24/11/2013 23:43

The manager is the one who does it most. They are all really nice and I don't think they do it intentionally although I know sometimes when they are talking about me because some words apply to both languages and I can get the gist of what they are saying.

I feel like I'm being petty but it gets under my skin.

OP posts:

tinmug · 24/11/2013 23:46

In my previous job I often did shifts where every single other member of staff in my department spoke Spanish as a first language and it honestly didn't bother me at all when they conversed in Spanish. To me, demanding that they all speak English when I was present would have seemed very controlling and weird.

onedev · 24/11/2013 23:46

It's actually a form of bullying using exclusion. I'd speak to your manager & tell her how excluded you feel.

lunar1 · 24/11/2013 23:48

I don't think it matters how many of them there are. If you are living and working in England then they should be speaking English while in the work place.

Original poster

SirTrumpetBum · 24/11/2013 23:53

tinmug I'm not demanding that they speak English in front of me. I accept that is their first language and I don't have a problem with it....it's just some days I can wander round like a lost sheep because they are chit chatting in a different language and I loiter around hoping to be included but it doesn't happen.

OP posts:

TheSmallClanger · 24/11/2013 23:57

It is excluding you and it is rude.

Some workplaces have rules against things like this, for fraud-prevention purposes as well as inclusion.

BrianTheMole · 24/11/2013 23:58

It is rude. Do you feel as though you could say something?

ineedanexcuse · 24/11/2013 23:59

They should be including you in their conversations which obviously should be in English .But if they are talking among themselves they can speak in whatever language they chose .You are not part of that conversation (even if you are the subject ) .

Since the manager is part of the problem though you cannot complain through the normal channels. You could learn some words in Polish so that you can get more of the gist of the conversation. Even if you cannot attain pronunciation yourself you may be able to add your own input in English which they can answer in English. Maybe put a bit of wind up them if you chose your moment .

Kiwiinkits · 25/11/2013 00:00

I wouldn't talk to your manager. I'd just talk to one or two of the girls that you know the best and confess that you feel really left out. Ask her what she thinks you should do. And then hope that she'll offer to talk to them on your behalf.

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 00:03

H has this issue. Some shifts he is the only speaker of English as a first language and it does piss him off. But as I said to him, if he and a load of English people were working abroad would it occur to them to speak to each other in that countries language or in English. He said that they would probably speak in English even though it would be the wrong thing to do. He thinks that it is mainly thoughtlessness in his company, and as the managers are all native English speakers it isnt so much of an issue.

But, in your case it does seem deliberate and I agree that it is exclusion and should be dealt with. How is your managers line manager, approachable? Or HR? As your manager is part of the problem I would be inclined to take the complain to a higher level.

Original poster

SirTrumpetBum · 25/11/2013 00:15

the next one up.....I get the feeling she doesn't like me much either and even if I did say something she wouldn't have time for me/tell me to get a grip.
It's just nice to know that INBU. I don't think there is a lot that I can do about it. I want to leave anyway and this is a contributing factor in that decision.....I like the girls and I don't want to make things weird with the other girls which I think it would if I said anything. Its quite a small company and there is already a lot of snide comments and bitchy remarks. I think this would just make things really crap.

OP posts:

Financeprincess · 25/11/2013 00:15

Cripes! The poor Polish girls dare to speak to each other in their own language - which I suspect we'd all do in their shoes, since speaking a foreign language is mentally exhausting for most people - and the OP is being encouraged to grass them up to her manager for "exclusion" and the old favourite, bullying!!

OP, don't take it personally. Your colleagues are absolutely not bullying you. If you'd like to join in with them, maybe tell them so? Kiwiinkits makes a good suggestion for how to do it.

Try to think about their point of view. They are living far from home and probably really miss Poland and their families. Eastern European migrant workers don't usually get the best deal in the UK so it's not surprising that they would sometimes seek the comfort of talking their own language with their countrywomen (and men).

Shame on anybody who urges the OP to accuse her colleagues of bullying. That's unfair, and is hardly likely to improve the atmosphere at work.

tinmug · 25/11/2013 00:15

I can see why it would be upsetting for you. My view is that there is probably no perfect solution to this issue. I think you should be aware that if you do take it to HR the people involved could face a disciplinary. This happened to my co workers at my previous place of work and to be honest it was one of the reasons I left. I just think it's cuntish, unnecessary and bullying for management to impose their will on people like that. They're human beings. They're a long way from home. They're having a natter. Really, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a big deal. I also think that ultimately, action by HR/senior management doesn't help, because the non-English speakers feel upset and attacked, and it creates bad feeling within the team. That's what happened where I worked, anyway. And even though the disciplinary was nothing to do with me and they all knew that, it still made things awkward as every single one of them was punished and I wasn't.

tinmug · 25/11/2013 00:17

Sorry OP, I cross posted with you.

It is a bit shit, but it sounds like it's not an ideal place to work anyway. I hope you get a better offer! Good luck.

Original poster

SirTrumpetBum · 25/11/2013 00:20

Just to clarify I don't think they are bullying me at all.....I was bullied at school so know what that is like and this bares no resemblance to that.

We have a good giggle.....I just feel like an outsider that's all. I am a people pleaser and don't like to offend people or cause arguments so I will just carry on in my chirpy manner and find somewhere else to work.

OP posts:

Squidwardtenticles · 25/11/2013 00:22

They did this where my dp worked. The English men and women were bullied and made to feel unwelcome.
My sister worked in the same place and they shut her out and she was made to feel like poo. They even spread a rumour about that she was giving the bosses sexual favours. My sister walked out.
The factory now had not one single English worker.

Original poster

SirTrumpetBum · 25/11/2013 00:24

Thanks for all the advice. I think in my head I knew this was the case that it is a little rude of them to do this etc I just didn't know if I was being a little sensitive and was beating myself up a bit for getting wound up by it. I will take it all with a pinch of salt.

I need to leave for many reasons. It is an unbearable place to work at the moment and tbh the polish speaking thing is the least of my worries. They are nice girls and have taught me a lot. I take my hat off to them, they are dedicated and hard working like no other people I have ever met. :)

OP posts:

BackforGood · 25/11/2013 00:29

What FinancePrincess said.
Exactly.

Some posters are putting words into the OP's mouth here - maybe projecting their own prejudices.

MistressDeeCee · 25/11/2013 00:31

Wasnt there a very similar thread to this just a few days ago? Anyway - if my work colleagues all came from same country and spoke in their language, I wouldnt care less really. Id care if they were my personal friends and spoke in their language all the time. I dont think I could demand work colleagues speak English around me all the time, its probably automatic for them to speak in their language so they do that first. I dont think its personal, from what you've said.

ThenSheSaid · 25/11/2013 00:46

I also agree with FinancePrincess I think it is completely normal to prefer to speak your first language.

I am not sure there is much you can do other than try to chat with them individually and try not to be too shy about asking what they are talking about.

maryannmarie · 25/11/2013 08:40

I used to work with a few Polish people who would speak to each other in their own language. I'd just walk up to them and say "Oi, what's the gossip?" and they'd switch to English. There's no malice in it, it's just sooo much easier to speak in your first language, especially if you're not actually involved in the conversation to begin with.

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