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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wait for my prem baby to be older before going into a room on his own?

67 replies

laughingeyes2013 · 24/11/2013 21:18

My baby was born five weeks early, he is unable to roll by himself yet as he is only five and half months old. Because of reflux we had always placed him on his stomach to sleep, but used an apnoea monitor for safety.

My husband is impatient for him to be in a room o his own. He thinks he will no longer need night feeds if he's in room on his own, and that even if he does wait for a feed, we can let him cry to settle himself rather than settle him like we have been doing (stroking back, shushing, giving him a dummy etc). Currently we can just reach out into the crib by our bed to do this while we are laid down, but if we put him in a room of his own we have to stand up and bend over him in the cot which wont be much fun in the winter. And I'm not in a rush to do it!

I am not happy to put him in his own room yet. My main reasons are that he can't roll on his own yet, and is still sleeping on his front because he can't get to sleep on his back (husband will not try to change to back sleeping even though the reflux is resolved now).

Also babies born prematurely are apparently four times more likely to encounter SIDS and males are more highly likely to die of SIDS. Babies that don't sleep on their back are at a much higher risk too.

Also, baby has currently got croup and is having steroids to treat this!

DH's giving me a hard time because he thinks that putting the baby in the room of his own will ensure we all get a good night sleep now.

But I'm saying that it's not unreasonable to expect an almost 6 month old baby to wake in the night for feeds still, and I don't want to let him cry it out. I also would prefer that he can roll before we put him on his own.

Of course, husband says I'm being unreasonable! So I thought I would ask here.

OP posts:
SolitudeSometimesIs · 25/11/2013 12:04

He sounds like a prick. We had DS in with us until he was 1 because he was born with heart problems. Yes it was a pain in the arse, but he is OUR child. No matter how tired we were we would never risk him getting overly upset/hyperventilating etc. A nights sleep is a small sacrifice.

DO NOT sleep on a bloody air mattress. Go and buy a decent single bed and mattress, you deserve to be very comfortable if you are having to move rooms.

I would also consider lining your husbands bed with thumb tacks - but I am evil!

laughingeyes2013 · 25/11/2013 12:06

I am pretty angry about it! But that it's good for me so I HAVE to find a way round dealing with it myself, for my own good. But you make a fair point. I was going to sleep on an air mattress but actually I think I will have a comfortable bed like you suggest. Might stay in there for 3 years- Grrrrrr!!!!

OP posts:
SolitudeSometimesIs · 25/11/2013 12:15

What else would you need? Top of the range flat screen? Coffee maker? Make the room a palace. Grin. Then you can use his bed for sex and leave him in the sex sheets and get in to your own clean bed.

I would be in the same boat as you. It's very worrying when you have a baby with extra needs at night. You will sleep far better in with your DS and it will be less stressful for you. Will your DH be willing to step in and give you lie-ins during the weekend to compensate for you doing all of the night feeds?

laughingeyes2013 · 25/11/2013 13:02

God knows.

All I can say is that I feel like asking for nothing of him. I don't particularly want to be anywhere near him at the moment.

But yeah - making the nursery as palatial as I can sounds like a good idea. Shame it's such a tiny room, I'm limited with what I can fit in there!

OP posts:
SolitudeSometimesIs · 25/11/2013 13:04

Can you shove your husband in there? You and DS are two people so need more room.

Slippersandacuppa · 25/11/2013 13:10

My three full term babies were all in my bed until they were eight months then in a cot in my room until they were one. DH slept in the spare room. Yes, they did all sleep better when they were in their own rooms but they're only small once and I'd rather that than feel I was moving them too soon. They all love their beds now. And sleep through. My instinct wouldn't have let me move them sooner - middle one had reflux too. Good luck.

HoleyGhost · 25/11/2013 13:14

He is trying to find a solution to long term sleep deprivation. I don't blame him for that.

Why not bring him with you to your next hv appt so he can understand that it is not just you being over protective.

laughingeyes2013 · 25/11/2013 13:22

Yes I think he should be the one to suffer endure the squashed up nursery on a makeshift bed, but he complains of bad back and God knows what else, and don't forget sees the whole thing as completely unnecessary anyway. So if I want to protect this little one then I am the one who had to take the hit I guess. But I have to say, not sure if it makes me shallow but it makes me love DH less for his selfishness though. Hmm

OP posts:
SolitudeSometimesIs · 25/11/2013 14:24

It doesn't make you shallow at all. I think it makes him look pretty crap. Hopefully he has lots of other redeeming qualities.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/11/2013 14:31

You should point out that its not all about him anymore.

givemeaclue · 25/11/2013 14:36

My prems were one year before going into own room but that was due to building work in house

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 25/11/2013 14:36

What a selfish twat.

toffeesponge · 25/11/2013 14:41

Sex bed? Fuck that, there wouldn't be any sex if my husband was acting like this!

When we had DC1 I breast fed and none of mine have stopped night feeds until they were 7 months. One night, baby 1 stayed in our room with DH and I went to the spare room to try and get a nights sleep. I didn't last but the point is DH was willing to do and adamant I do it.

Your husband is being a fucking prick throwing his weight around as he isn't number fucking 1 any more Angry.

LunaticFringe · 25/11/2013 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mim78 · 25/11/2013 14:44

YANBU. Your husband is being v unreasonable!

If he can't roll yet I can completely understand you wanting him in same room, especially if he is on his front.

Someone got really flamed on another thread recently for even mentioning that putting a baby on their front when they had reflux had worked for her - I thought unfairly - because advice is against it until they can roll.

I would agree that dh can go into a different room if anything - but I think he is very lucky to be offered the chance to sleep on his own and to get uninterrupted sleep on the nights when he is working next day!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/11/2013 14:51

If you are happy to express or ff why can't he do the weekend feeds so you can sleep? Why should he get 7 nights uninterrupted sleep?

My DH used to do Friday and Saturday nights for me and I would sleep on the sofa (it's a sofa bed), it was bliss!

Mim78 · 25/11/2013 14:52

SolitudeSometimes - we had a baby with heart problems too. I never left her to cry because she would be using up unnecessary calories.

You are completely right that you have to put your baby first during this time, i.e. early months, especially where there are some additional problems.

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