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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wait for my prem baby to be older before going into a room on his own?

67 replies

laughingeyes2013 · 24/11/2013 21:18

My baby was born five weeks early, he is unable to roll by himself yet as he is only five and half months old. Because of reflux we had always placed him on his stomach to sleep, but used an apnoea monitor for safety.

My husband is impatient for him to be in a room o his own. He thinks he will no longer need night feeds if he's in room on his own, and that even if he does wait for a feed, we can let him cry to settle himself rather than settle him like we have been doing (stroking back, shushing, giving him a dummy etc). Currently we can just reach out into the crib by our bed to do this while we are laid down, but if we put him in a room of his own we have to stand up and bend over him in the cot which wont be much fun in the winter. And I'm not in a rush to do it!

I am not happy to put him in his own room yet. My main reasons are that he can't roll on his own yet, and is still sleeping on his front because he can't get to sleep on his back (husband will not try to change to back sleeping even though the reflux is resolved now).

Also babies born prematurely are apparently four times more likely to encounter SIDS and males are more highly likely to die of SIDS. Babies that don't sleep on their back are at a much higher risk too.

Also, baby has currently got croup and is having steroids to treat this!

DH's giving me a hard time because he thinks that putting the baby in the room of his own will ensure we all get a good night sleep now.

But I'm saying that it's not unreasonable to expect an almost 6 month old baby to wake in the night for feeds still, and I don't want to let him cry it out. I also would prefer that he can roll before we put him on his own.

Of course, husband says I'm being unreasonable! So I thought I would ask here.

OP posts:
ScottishInSwitzerland · 24/11/2013 21:36

On the whole sex thing. Yes I think most people's sex lives dwindle when they have a young baby. But I personally think that's something you expect and put in the work a bit later once baby is sleeping through / better.

NorthernLurker · 24/11/2013 21:37

That's assuming you would like to have sex. If you don't then he'll just have to get a grip.

NorthernLurker · 24/11/2013 21:39

I absolutely agree Scottish. Thing is though sex is a big part of relationships for a lot of people and it's scarily easy to stop talking about it, get very hung up on being right and before you know it some intimacy is at risk which is in nobody's interests. If you both agree that you'r too knackered for sex but it would be nice in 8-12 months that's one thing Grin. But if you're coming at it from different places then somebody has got to move one way or the other.

laughingeyes2013 · 24/11/2013 21:43

Yes we are both shattered, but we both get the itch from time to time! I guess he gets the itch more than me most of the time though, hardly surprising when I'm up three times a night seven days a week (apart from his night off when he helps with one feed).

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toffeesponge · 24/11/2013 21:55

I can't get my head around why you - I mean he - would go against medical advice.

A baby will sleep thorough when they are able too whether they are in the same room or not. If they do sleep through and then start waking with your noise then yes, maybe time to move into their own room but your baby needs to be near you and you need to be near him.

H can sleep somewhere else and as for resenting doing one fucking feed Angry.

WhatHo · 24/11/2013 21:56

I put DD2 in her own room at about 5.5 months in the hope she would sleep better. Ha ha ha. All that happened was that I had to get up in the night and walk to her room rather than just rolling over to the co-sleeper to feed/pat her.

I can appreciate your DH is praying it'll be a cure-all but it probably won't I'm afraid! Also if you have a baby monitor he'll still hear all the noise anyway.

We left her there as I liked having the room back - being able to read in bed etc without disturbing her – but for a while I was actually more tired due to trekking back and forth.

(For the record, DD2 slept through of her own accord at 18 months).

Also Scottish is absolutely correct - the advice for term babies is to share a room for 6 months, for prem babies it's 6 months adjusted, so you have at least 9 weeks left. Tell your husband these guidelines exist for a reason, it's not like you're making it up FFS.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 24/11/2013 22:41

2 of my babies have been prem and all of them have slept in with me for longer than 6 months. (One reason was because we needed to move so they could have their own bedroom

Ds3 was my earliest. He was born at 32 weeks and stayed in with us until he was 15 months.

first 3 were terrible sleepers anyway and I couldn't see the point in traipsing down the corridor 4 times a night when they woke up.

Leave him in with you until you feel comfortable

Ruffcat · 24/11/2013 22:52

Your dh sounds very self oriented!

What stands out in your post was ' if I was on my own I would change the position the baby slept in'. Is this because your dh will moan!

I think you should keep your baby in your room until you are ready, you are the one that will be getting up in the night to feed and soothe him not your dh - so you get to decide.

Also in regard to coup, my ds gets its sometimes and I was under the impression that you shouldn't let them cry to much as it irritates the respiratory system more

jellybeans · 24/11/2013 22:57

YANBU mine shared with us much longer than that, years. All turned out fine. Don't let DH push you into it.

raisah · 24/11/2013 23:02

I used a wedge pillow to keep my dd slightly raised as he had bad reflux until he started on solids. I kept him with me until he was nearly 18 months but he was born at 26 wks so had lots of other issues as well.

After day feeds, I kept him propped up in his bouncy chair for atleast 20 mins to prevent the reflux. Ignore your partner & do what's right for your child.

witchremix · 24/11/2013 23:07

They are little for so short a time really. Your ds needs to sleep in the same room as you for quite a while yet by your description. He already has risk factors for Sids, putting in his own room would give him one more. I think you to either make your dh realise this or put him in the other room!

SunnySon · 25/11/2013 01:54

You are not being unreasonable, keep your baby in your room until you feel comfortable moving him/ her out. You can also tell your partner SIDS' official advice is to keep full termers in the same room for 6 months and premature babies for the first 12 months.

laughingeyes2013 · 25/11/2013 05:17

Do you know of a website I can direct him to, saying prem babies should be moved at adjusted age?

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Twattyzombiebollocks · 25/11/2013 06:07

No yanbu. My middle daughter went into her own room at 6 months on the nose pretty much because she woke up every time I moved the duvet cover she was such a light sleeper. Youngest is still in with me at 10 months as she seems able to sleep through me and dog snoring without any difficulty at all and only wakes when she can't find her dummy and shove it back in. I'm almost ready for her to go in her own room now but am hanging on until after a short break we have booked just before Christmas as I know that will disrupt her sleep a bit and we might aswell have only one disruption rather than 2

MiaowTheCat · 25/11/2013 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 25/11/2013 09:11

your husband is an arse your baby is not even 6 months yet and if he still needs a feed he still needs a feed no amount of shushing will stop him wanting milk FWIW my dd was prem and needed a night feed up until she was 7months, maybe your husband can move into another room

MoominsYonisAreScary · 25/11/2013 10:34

I cant find anything, though tbh I Don't think you should have to. If it was me id tell him that I don't feel comfortable with baby being in his own room yet . He should be taking how you feel into consideration.

yoniwherethesundontshine · 25/11/2013 10:36

I still have my one year old next to me I cant bear to let her go yet.

I would suggest that your DH moves to his own room instead, being the old adult, not the tiny little defenceless prem baby Sad

So what, I am hanging onto my baby stage too, so fucking what, they are well.....BABIES. Angry

LambChopsRarePlease · 25/11/2013 10:48

TBH your DH sounds deluded. Baby sleeping in their own room doesn't mean he won't want night feeds. The only person guaranteed to 'sleep through' with this arrangement will be your DH!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/11/2013 10:57

Try the Lullaby trust website. They're SIDS information on there.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/11/2013 10:57

*there is

Chunderella · 25/11/2013 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AscoyneDAscoyne · 25/11/2013 11:18

Yanbu, I am laughing at the idea that your dc will magically sleep through once they are in their own room though. Dd has been in her own room for 4 months now and I've yet to see the night where the little angel devil sleeps for more than 4 hours at a time!

laughingeyes2013 · 25/11/2013 11:54

We've really had it out this morning. I tried to show him this thread but he said you'd all be delusional so refused to read it!

The upshot is that I will move into the nursery and sleep on an air mattress, doing all 3 feeds myself overnight. He will sleep in our bed undisturbed 7 nights a week.

That way I don't live with a thunder cloud which stresses me out and is more tiring than physical tiredness. But I am finding it hard to rise above this, as emotionally I am very angry with his selfishness.

OP posts:
laughingeyes2013 · 25/11/2013 11:55

Sincere thanks to you all for your input as it helped strengthen the inner small voice, and removed all doubt that I was being reasonable.

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