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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give myself a year off

80 replies

strugglinginsilence · 24/11/2013 20:28

Over the past three years I have been widowed, been through cancer and supported my daughter through cancer. I have a stressful job which never lets up, although I do love it. I just feel emotionally drained and feel I need to spend some time dealing with my grief. I spent so much time trying to help my three DC and my poor MIL I never really dealt with my own misery. This weekend it has struck me that with all three DC at uni and reasonable savings I could give myself a year. Whilst I know it would have an impact on my standard of living it would only be fripperies I could easily do without, the DC's allowances would remain unchanged. The more I think about it the more I want to do it however when I mentioned it to my sister just now she said it was stupid and selfish. WWYD?

OP posts:

IWishYouWould · 24/11/2013 23:12

Do it, you have the right answers to all the practical implications. Regret the things you've done, not the things you haven't done. In a years time you could be a totally new person. If you were my mum, I'd hug you and say 'why not?'

raisah · 24/11/2013 23:18

I did this as my son had many health problems after birth, so I asked for & got a one year unpaid sabbatical added onto my maternity leave. It was the best thing for me to have done as it gave me breathing space.

santandhishappybandofelves · 24/11/2013 23:19

pming you

kohl · 25/11/2013 00:10

A puppy sounds brilliant!

Oldraver · 25/11/2013 00:19

Seriously take the time out for you. I finally gave in my notice when I have been on my own for four years. Work was seriously stressing me out and I knew somthing had to give.

I had only planned to be off for a year but it stretched to a couple 9 years, though I had another dc in between. I dont regret it at all

KeatsiePie · 25/11/2013 02:06

Good heavens, of course you should take the year off. Your sister sounds awful, I'm sorry to say, and I'm so very sorry you lost your husband. I think you really need and deserve the time to yourself

KeatsiePie · 25/11/2013 02:10

Oh, dear. I had missed your updates about your sister. I'm sorry I was so rude about her. I do think though that although she's been through a lot it's still completely unacceptable for her to be borrowing money from you rather than working, and her calling you selfish is a bit rich. Still really think you should take the year.

SunnySon · 25/11/2013 02:49

Oh you have been through so much, definitely do it! My heart is breaking for you reading about your husband, you were obviously still very much in love, glad to hear you and your daughter have got the all-clear though. It's time to start doing what you deserve- take the break and enjoy!

humblebumble · 25/11/2013 02:58

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you should take the time that you need to recharge. I am sure your sister would understand and it might give her the kick up the arse she needs to stop feeling sorry for herself. I think you have been a rock to her.

ZillionChocolate · 25/11/2013 07:02

Your only responsibility is to your adult children and they are all provided for. It is time you were selfish. I think you should talk to work about having some sick leave followed by some unpaid leave. Your grief counselling is not that different to having an operation. I'd consider saying to work that you'll co-operate with handover and be available to talk for the first week, but beyond that, swap to a new number. Keep your existing one in a cheap payg phone you switch on once a week.

Slutbucket · 25/11/2013 07:20

I lost my parents in a short time frame and I got myself in a total rut and negative frame of mind. I initially had 6 weeks off work and I started to heal. I went back for a few months and then started my first set of maternity leave so a year off. It was lovely waking up in the morning a d thinking what shall we do today? It is a wonderful feeling to not have the pressure. Please do it you'll feel so much better! X

tumbletumble · 25/11/2013 07:26

Do it, OP.

harticus · 25/11/2013 07:39

Absolutely do it OP!

We have lost the concept of convalescence in this culture and I really don't know why.
Years ago people took a long time to get their physical and emotional strength back.
Now we are supposed to barrel on regardless and it pisses me off.

You have been to hell and back.
Step off the rollercoaster for a while and tell your sister to take a hike.
She is the selfish one.

RobotLover68 · 25/11/2013 07:46

Just the cancer alone flattened me - you've Had so much more to deal with - I went back to work too soon and ended up working for the boss from hell. I finally found the strength to make the break 6 long years later and am now earning a bit here and a bit there and enjoying the "break" I should have taken all that time ago. OP YANBU

Groovee · 25/11/2013 08:11

I'd be asking work for a career break. Many companies allow this. As for your sister, she needs to get a grip on reality and stop using the bank of sister.

CinnamonPorridge · 25/11/2013 08:51

Do it. I cannot believe your sister doesn't support you in this. She's the selfish one here.
I would do it. Even if you love your job, you need time to come to terms with your grief. For your loved one and the life ahead of you which turns out to be so different from what you always planned and expected.
Look after yourself!

Changethechannel · 25/11/2013 09:35

I have just taken 4 months off after a hugely stressful time at work with coincided with my Dh's career rocketing. It has been the beat decision I have ever made. My head is in the right place, my family has benefited and I am now ready to get on with my working life. I haven't gone back to my old job managed to get the first job I applied for.

Original poster

strugglinginsilence · 27/11/2013 17:31

Thanks for all the support. Spoke to work and I have negotiated a six month break and then the option to return part time/ work from home some days.

I have to work until they find a replacement but they were great.

OP posts:

CinnamonPorridge · 27/11/2013 17:32

I'm happy to hear it. Well done.

DIYapprentice · 27/11/2013 17:37

Oh well done struggling.

You have every right to be 'selfish'. You've put yourself last for so long, you need some TLC and it doesn't sound as though anyone else is going to provide it for you.

baffledkingofone · 27/11/2013 17:40

No way YANBU. After I was widowed, I took several months off work to get back on my feet. Go and do what you want to, find a little happiness for yourself.

santandhishappybandofelves · 27/11/2013 17:55

I'm so glad to read that

Talkinpeace · 27/11/2013 18:49

Excellent news.
Now to start planning your time

TalkieToaster · 27/11/2013 18:54

That's fantastic news.

I'm at the start of a year out myself, following a lot of traumatic events. It was definitely the best decision I've made in a long time.

SparkleSoiree · 27/11/2013 18:56

Well done struggling. The first step ticked off the list.

Now you can think of how you would like to spend your time during those six months whilst they look for your replacement.

I hope it gives you the space you need to heal, find peace and maybe discover a new life for yourself.

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