To be absolutely fuming at ds1 & 2?

[Dontletthemgetyoudown]

They've only been home for a couple of hours but been arguing and fighting since they got in.

They are 16 and almost 12 they share a room because there is no alternative (3 bedrooms 4 dc 2 boys 2 girls) there's is the only room with matching new furniture. Last week through fighting they managed to break a wardrobe door in half. Ds1 broke trim off his ikea malm drawers in a mood and tonight again fighting ds1 picked up ds2 body slammed him onto his bed and ds2 has gone right through it. I'd only been up two minutes before and separated them and sent ds1 for a bath and ds2 to sort school stuff out.

Whilst I'm not poor I really could do without spending over a hundred pound on new bed and mattress (the split wood has torn the mattress)

They don't have any savings to make them pay from. Ds1 has a part time job but how can I make ds1 pay and not ds2?

Ds1 broke the bed, he should swap with Ds2, flip the mattress over and spend a few months sleeping on it on the floor. Don't bother fixing the wardrobe door until they leave home.

Where do I put the stuff stored in the drawers underneath?

I'm trying to calm down sat downstairs away from them have removed the ps3 and tv.

I didn't have fancy drawers under my bed as a kid, I had shoeboxes. Maybe your sons can have some nice cardboard boxes from Aldi until they grow up a bit.

How much bigger is DS1 than DS2?

I think I'd have a problem with a 16 year-old treating a 12 year-old like this.

They used to be fine. It's the last few weeks it's all started up. They've always bickered but it's gone beyond that. They are of a very similar size ds1 is average height and slim ds2 is very tall for his age about an inch shorter than ds1

sell their ps3. they are old enough to know not to fight

yes sibblings fight thats normal, but not to that extent.

my 7 year old at the time dropped my smart phone in the toilet and then lied about it. he sold some of his toys to make up most of the £50 and you know what it taught him a lesson about lying and he took it in his stride and did it with out complaining.

if i was you i would tell them to come up with the case.. ethier by working or selling something.

Don't replace the bed, the mattress will just have to go on the floor. The stuff can go in cardboard boxes for a while

So consensus is no new bed then? How long for won't it go mouldy on the floor with no air circulating?

The mattress will be fine on the floor.

My DD kicked her bedroom door off its hinges last February - she still has no bedroom door.

Leave it as it is, it will teach them they have to respect the things they have, sell their PS3 to make the money up, they deserve it.

I'd be really concerned about the physicality of the fight
Picking up & body slamming someone hard enough to break a bed??? Is ds2 even okay? His back must hurt :(
I'd ground ds1

Ds2 is fine. He's a rugby player and had worse in a match! He got straight up and charged at his brother. Ds2 is now asleep and ds1 sat downstairs with me so that ds2 could go to sleep. I've had words with ds1 about how it stops and it stops now. If they are annoying each other then as the older supposedly more mature one he has to walk away. Come and tell me and I will have words with ds2.

Ds1 apologised for comparing my house to that of xh's where they all have their own rooms.

Sell the PS3 & reduce Xmas presents, if they don't learn now they never will.

Agree with pp that 16yo should not be body blowing 12yo, regardless of size.

Sorry op sounds tough at the moment! If anything the 16 year old should know better!

Agree if at this age they are behaving like this the consequences need to be just as extreme. Keep the ps away for a long time, till after Xmas. Don't buy a new bed, the one who broke the bed should contribute part of his Xmas gift to buying a new bed.

Keep the furniture - put the boys up for adoption.

Lol better, it's tempting!

My sons used to fight physically.There are 5 years between them. I had to speak to the eldest on a lot of occasions about remembering DS2 was younger than him and he wasn't to hurt him physically, I used to go to town a bit about possible consequences. They don't fight now because DS1 is nearly 21 and away at university, but did up until him going away! When he comes home they get on fine, think they have both matured.Things got broken occasionally, once DS2 threw a cup and it cut DS1 and we had a trip to A and E, nothing worse than that fortunately.Fighting isn't in DS1's character at all, like you we have a small house with 4 children, think too much testosterone and irritating little brothers and it comes out physically. I found it harder to cope with than DH as I had one much older brother and two sisters and had nothing to compare it to, DH had a brother, he seemed to think it was more normal. I would vastly reduce Christmas present of DS1 towards bed or stop pocket money, or if neither is practical I would punish in some other way.I would put the onus very much on older child though.

We did move DS1 downstairs to sleep as we have back study and 3 bed, not ideal but at least they weren't sharing.

I would actually get a new bed, but there would be consequences for breaking it.

Leave the wardrobe and bed OP, they don't need replacing. Get a tarp if possibly, or a blanket for the floor and put the mattress on top. Your son broke his bed, he learns to deal without it until it can be replaced.

Are you sons fighting or is DS1 picking on DS2? With the 'breaking things in a mood' it makes me wonder, while I'm sure DS2 isn't innocent I know some people who were terrorised by shitty siblings during their teen years, just because they happened to exist!

Don't replace anything. The mattress will be done on the floor .

My DD kicked her bedroom door off its hinges last February and it's still off.

Done= fine

I agree with not replacing furniture and/or making them contribute to it in some way. They are both old enough to earn a bit by doing extra chores over and above what they would normally be expected to do. They can sell some of their stuff and you can reduce their Christmas presents to put money towards it.

I would have a huge problem with this kind of fighting in my house. 3 DSs here and it just doesn't happen because we came down hard on it from the start. I think they need very clear boundaries and a zero tolerance approach. I was always a bit worried about the possibility of being a little mum with 3 big lads who I couldn't control so I set it up that way from the start.

The mattress on the floor will be fine even in the long term. DS1 slept like this for the best part of a year when he went through his bed - that was a bouncing on the bed thing though - he was a big boy

I think I would leave their room as it is for a number of months at least.

I'd also remove any screen time/technology until then can be civil towards each other.

Is it worth talking to each of them individually and then together when calm. Why are they getting upset? What is the cause? Agree a strategy for next time things blow up. If they are fighting put th outside and shut the door. Have a no physical aggression in the house rule.

Can they do 100 hours of jobs to earn new furniture? At least they would value it more.

Have DSs of a similar age, and some others, I think this kind of fighting isn't a massive deal. Mine do it, and the rule is if you break it you pay for it.

If they can't pay for it, it stays as it is or they pay in a non-financial way. Once you start having money off them they learn to be a lot more careful.

I think its difficult, they probably do wind each other up and if they're both happy to interact like that just let them get on with it. I had 7 siblings and to me this is very normal.

If I were you I would:

-Tonight DS1 can sleep on sofa or something, DS2 has his bed
-Let them stew tonight and give them a huge bollocking about the bed tomorrow. Gives you a chance to calm down and think straight.
-Find out why he threw him on the bed.
-DS1 now sleeps on that mattress on the floor.
-They need to dismantle broken bed, arrange disposal of it.
-Depending on what caused DS1 to act like that I would charge him 50-75% of the cost of a replacement.
-DS2 needs to make up the rest of the money in chores or a reduced christmas present budget.

Pick up some pallets and put mattress on top. If he complains tell him it's a futon!