A room of one's own....

[Orangeanddemons]

We have just moved house from a biggish house to a 3 bed semi. Dhs extensive music collection had to come with us.

It's currently house in dining room, with very little space for anything else. This is also a walk through room to living room.

Dh has also filled the garage with his bike collection. He wants a conservatory. I don't. I now find he wants it to listen to his music and to sit 'in peace'. He has decided this won't adjoin the house, but adjoin the garage, so will not be accessible from the house. He will go in there to avoid demanding dd. He does that now, but just screens her out.

So he has a garage full of crap, and now wants his own personal music room. I have 1/2 a bedroom.

I feel miffed that this is a waste of money. Can't he listen to the music on headphones?

This is about more than the "man room". This is about him opting out when it suits him isn't it?

My now ex dh had a man room. It was the beginning of the end for us as he just used to spend more and more time in it and it drove me nuts.

But... I guess it works for some... hmmm.

I'd be telling him to get himself on ebay.

Maybe suggest that he builds a big brick wall to keep you and dd out completely?

I agree with Fairylea. He's not wanting a man room, he is escaping from family life.

Tell him to grow up. He is not a teenage boy. He is a man with responsibilities, and an adorable daughter.

Does he ever give you a break from your 'demanding' dd?

Yes, I do believe it is a man room. I don't want it at all. Huge waste of money, but then nor do I want his music collection all over the front room.

Yes, he does give breaks, but he very good at screening her out, which means she always comes to me...

Tell him to get his music collection on mp3 files and just keep the most precious and bin/ebay the rest.

No, to a man room unless you get a woman room too.

Sorry Orange but your DH sounds like a completely selfish git.

I would suggest that instead of him getting the new conservatory he moves all his music into the bloody garage with his bikes and bed and you get the conservatory and dining room to do whatever you want to with.

But he likes actual records unfortunately

Does your DD have SN, that makes her particularly demanding? Sorry if that sounds rude, but think that children wanting attention is part of normal family life.

No, no sn, she is just very very demanding and always has been

Actual records can be sold. If he wants to have the house arranged around his stuff like a single man, I'd suggest he becomes one.

"Screening her out"- like an irritating nuisance? Seems terribly unfair towards your dd.

Kids have a way of stepping it up a notch when they know they're not being listened to.

He thinks giving her attention makes her worse, not something I subscribe to.

Anyway, have had another go, he says he has always wanted a conservatory, and isn't bothered if his music is in there or not

Well he isn't going to want to keep all his records in a conservatory anyway: the heat extremes would damage them. So HIBU to promise you that would get him out of the dining room. Why doesn't he make the garage a bit comfier and have that as a room and you can have the dining room.

Do you have two DC?

Giving her attention makes her worse??

One dc. Have just suggested garage idea. There's not enough room apparently

I think I'd just have a bonfire. He sounds like a miserable git.

I don't think the problem is having a hobby or wanting a me time space as such. It's that childcare is already arranged more in his favour and he still seems to think he's doing too much.

Do a calendar of how each of your spend your time hour by hour for a week. two columns, one for each of you so you can see just how it is divided up.

Evening columns might look like OP: looking after child DH: screening out his family

Once you've seen it perhaps you'd like to show him it, or work out a new one with me time for both of you. or time about doing bath time etc.

Even if you never show it to him it might help you see clearly where you are and what you want.

Lol at bonfire. He's not a miserable git at all, am just pissed off with record collection taking up so much communal living space

He sounds like he wants a separate flat to me. I can't believe your dd is so demanding he wants a room not accessible from the house and presumably from you as well. Doesn't seem fair to me at all.

Will he be giving you a key to his special room? Or will you have to ring a door bell?

The garage is joined to the house, so you can get to it through garage. Just seems a bit excessive to have 2 rooms devoted to his crap

My DD has a room of her own. My DS has a room of his own. My DH has half our bedroom, the study and the garage. I have half our bedroom and I run my business from a plastic storage box in the corner of the living room. I am pissed off about it, but too tired to argue.

I'm surprised how placid you are about this... screening out your own child and wanting your own room away from them during the day really isn't normal or fair behaviour.

I am remarried now - man room ex is long gone - and now dh has no man room at all. We spend all our time in the one room with the children and he's as hands on as I am. We do enjoy a bit of time on our own occasionally as is normal for any adult but he thinks its absolutely insane that my ex had his own room (full of star trek models and xbox crap).