A room of one's own....

[Orangeanddemons]

We have just moved house from a biggish house to a 3 bed semi. Dhs extensive music collection had to come with us.

It's currently house in dining room, with very little space for anything else. This is also a walk through room to living room.

Dh has also filled the garage with his bike collection. He wants a conservatory. I don't. I now find he wants it to listen to his music and to sit 'in peace'. He has decided this won't adjoin the house, but adjoin the garage, so will not be accessible from the house. He will go in there to avoid demanding dd. He does that now, but just screens her out.

So he has a garage full of crap, and now wants his own personal music room. I have 1/2 a bedroom.

I feel miffed that this is a waste of money. Can't he listen to the music on headphones?

He could build a shed (you can get proper weatherproof ones) for his bikes, or just a small extension off the garage - there is no need for a conservatory - and store his records in the garage.

If you have a dining room and a living room, then I'd suggest letting him make a music listening area and man space for himself in a corner of the living room, while you get something similar for yourself (eg for me it would be a sewing desk) in the dining room. Then when you both want "me time" you can have it in separate rooms.

He needs to have it spelt out to him that you are equals and he does not get to commandeer all the space that he shares with his wife and child.

If he wants a conservatory, it is with your agreement and as something that is for all of you, not just him.

A friend of mine once lived for years with no living room because her partner at the time "needed" it to be his music studio/storage for mountains of hi fi and recording equipment. (Luckily no DC but still.) I thought he was a giant twat.

We had a conservatory in our last house. The tv and kids toys in it melted in the heat, and it was too bright so we could not use it anyway. Big fat waste of 10k.

Having said that, on the "3 things that would improve your life" thread I did say my own room - but that is in a dream world where we had a huge house and DP had his own room too. I wouldn't think it was my right to take over one of the communal rooms of the house just because I fancied my own space.

Also agree re conservatories - we have one, it is fab for hanging out in in summer, growing tomatoes and having parties in. Record storage - not so much. It hits 50°C in there on a hot summer day (and we're in scotland!).

how big is your garden? Can you get him a garden room and make him take all the stuff down there?
start at about 4k for a room neighbours have them up her in relatively small gardens, one neighbour has a his and hers set

Convert the garage into a proper room and have a shed for bikes and stuff. My dh has his turntables and records in our spare room and they will be housed in the garage conversion when it's done. We have a conservatory which is a play room / toy store when it's cold we bring thd toys in, not good as an all year round room tho

how old is your dd?

I suspect she is trying to get his attention as she realises she isn't number 1 priority.

it's normal for kids to want attention.

it's not normal to have a 'man room' 'woman room' it's just a house that you all stare as a family.

The bikes won't go in a shed, they're motorbikes