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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get irritated with friend who keeps offering un-asked for opinions on everything?

32 replies

Murfszy · 23/11/2013 17:38

And then gets cross when I don't do as she says?

I've known her for several years, our DDs are best friends, and she prides herself on her 'honesty', when in actual fact her honesty is giving opinions where they're not asked for, going on and on about 'her' point of view, trying to railroad me into doing as she says, and generally being very nosey and prying.

A few months ago I won a few toys in a competition, and gave them to the DCs straight away. When my 'friend' found out that I'd done this, she kept saying I was silly, and that I should have put them away to use as Xmas presents, and then coming up with all kinds of ways that I could still use them as Xmas presents, even though I hadn't asked for her opinion or advice on anything!

Another time I saw her on the morning school run and she asked what I was up to that day and I said that I was going to the hairdressers. She then immediately started offering advice on what she thought I should do with my hair. Along the lines of 'get them to put a dye over your blonde highlights then have a good 4 or 5 inches chopped off'. Of course, I took no notice and didn't do as she said, and then at school pick up in the afternoon she berated me for not doing as she'd said and started suggesting I phoned up the hairdressers and asked them to fit me in again later that afternoon and 'just have another few inches off'.

Honestly, I could go on and on. I want to scream every time I talk to her at the moment.

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 23/11/2013 17:41

She sounds awful. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Original poster

Murfszy · 23/11/2013 17:42

It's quite difficult to avoid her as our DDs are best friends, and I see her twice a day, every weekday on the school run.

I try to be vague with her, but she's one of those that just keeps on and on and on, trying to extract information from you

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 23/11/2013 17:46

MN would say 'did you mean to sound so rude?'

Can you give a vague 'I'll think about it' then change the subject?

mrsjay · 23/11/2013 17:47

god she sounds a PITA I know you cant avoid her but do practise you r nodding and smiling and Hmm maybes I would need to drop somebody like that like a hot brick I couldnt be doing with it, telling yo to phone up the hairdressers PFFT to that fwiw the girls can be friends without you being friends with the mum just withdraw a little bit

Original poster

Murfszy · 23/11/2013 17:56

It's getting to the stage now where I get annoyed before I even see her each afternoon. She makes a beeline for me every day

OP posts:

Iamsparklyknickers · 23/11/2013 17:58

Can you start making a face like she's just shit in your shoe every time she starts planning your life accompanied by a very determined 'oh no, I don't think so' followed by repeating what you are going to do.

She sounds like a control freak who's never wrong. Make it blatantly clear you think she is.

saulaboutme · 23/11/2013 18:00

God please do go on! Get it off your chest!

Yanbu, erm I'd suddenly have no time for her. Seriously stop her in her tracks if the friendship is going to carry on she has to stop.

Original poster

Murfszy · 23/11/2013 18:05

Few other things she's done:

Asked me to look after her DD one evening. I said no, because I was going out with another friend. She approached that friend at the school gates and asked if that friend would mind if we changed our plans to another night as she really needed me to babysit that evening!

Made comments about various items of clothing I've worn and asked if I've still got the receipt as she thinks they don't suit me and that I should return them to the shop.

Asked last year if DD's birthday party could be changed to another night (party was for 15 kids), as her DD couldn't make it that day and would be very disappointed.

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/11/2013 18:05

'What are you up to today'
"I'm off to the doctors, it appears I've lost my memory'
'Oh, what happened'
'I never remember asking for your opinion but every day you tell me what you think, what I should do, what you think I should do and then what I should to to remedy the situation that isn't a problem, that I didn't ask about and that you seem to think is totally out of order'

FetchezLaVache · 23/11/2013 18:09

at trying to rearrange your plans with your friend so you could babysit for her! Please tell us you ended up going out with your friend as planned!

Original poster

Murfszy · 23/11/2013 18:11

Absolutely, Fetchez. I was absolutely gobsmacked at her cheek, as was my friend.

OP posts:

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 23/11/2013 18:11

What about telling her that you didn't ask her for her opinion but if you ever want her view on things, you promise to ask.

Or perhaps just say thanks, but I'm happy making my own choices

Or maybe "why do you always try to tell me what to do? Do you think I intend to obey you?"

Or my personal favourite of "did I pass out and miss the part where someone asked you your opinion?"

I'm normally a polite, nice, mild person (honest ) but people trying to dictate really piss me off! God, I would pay good money for 5 minutes in your body. I LOVE to deal with people like this

JapaneseMargaret · 23/11/2013 18:15

Look. This woman has absolutely no qualms about handing her opinion to you whenever she sees fit. She doesn't pussyfoot around, to preserve your feelings, and seemingly the last thing she'd ever do is walk on eggshells around you, worrying if she's saying the wrong thing.

So ... why are you doing all those things to her?! Don't get me wrong - I am as non-confrontational as they get. But I don't have to deal with someone quite so infuriating.

Maybe it is time to handle this a different way. She doesn't soften the blow to you, so why should you go out of the way to be polite to her?

When she suggests/tells you to do something, just say, 'actually, no, I don't want to do it that way' passive aggressive polite smile.

And then just keep repeating. No, I don't want to. No, that doesn't work for me. No, I don't want my hair that short, and given that it's my hair, etc'. No, I'm not going to take the clothes back, I like them.

Accompany the comments with a laugh, and a slight head shake, as if you can't quite believe how lacking in social nous she is.

You never know - you might quite enjoy it. And she might stop!

mrsjay · 23/11/2013 18:19

you know after reading on I think you should just sigh and turn your back on her if you cant answer her back cheeky cow that she is

TheArmadillo · 23/11/2013 18:26

I apply the rule that if someone believes that they are above/exempt from social niceties then I don't feel bound by them when interacting with them.

So if she tells you how to get your haircut say "god no that sounds hideous"

Or if she tells you to take your clothes back make a comment about her being the last person you would take fashion advice from.

Essentially deal back to them what they give to you. People act like this because everyone else lets them.

I am in the position where I don't need to be friends with these people though.

I would also like to point out that I am generally nice and polite, just have a history of being bullied/abused by people like this and no longer tolerate it.

saulaboutme · 23/11/2013 18:26

Wow, she isn't shy so it may be time for you to tell her off. Just tell her to stop and it annoys you. She'll probably strop off and tell the whole world but I bet you won't be alone in your feeling.

doesn't have to be confrontational just say it, it could work.
Even if your dds are best friends you don't have to put up with her.

YouTheCat · 23/11/2013 18:30

Just keep practising saying no to her, over and over again.

mrsjay · 23/11/2013 18:30

Even if your dds are best friends you don't have to put up with her.

THAT my own dd has been friends with her BF for 10 years almost I am not friends with her mum she blows hot and cold I gave up years ago and just say hello in the passing primary school was a wee bit awkward at pick up times you never knew if she was going to speak or not

saulaboutme · 23/11/2013 18:31

And what TheArmadillo said.

Lavenderhoney · 23/11/2013 18:39

Always be on the phone ( ensure its set to silent to avoid embarrassment) during school runs. The danger time is on the walk back to the car.

Top comebacks

" what a great idea, I'll think about it"
" no, sworn to secrecy"
" no can do, I'm afraid, super busy this week"

And so on. You could invent a topic you don't care about such as knitting and ask her advice then she will just babble on about that and you can just smile and nod and produce a scarf at some point with the label ripped off.

Dubjackeen · 23/11/2013 18:46

I apply the rule that if someone believes that they are above/exempt from social niceties then I don't feel bound by them when interacting with them.
Totally agree with this. I wonder if others have managed to shake her off, and so she makes a beeline for you. If you are equally rude in return, e.g. the hairdresser situation, ' have you been to a hairdresser lately?' with a big fake smile, my guess is she will be shocked cos she is ' so sensitive'...I know the type!
Cultivate a vague expression, any time that you cannot steer clear. She is not a friend. For some reason, she feels the need to undermine you. Stop her now. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

AnnieJanuary · 23/11/2013 18:50

That's not a friend, that's like having a terrible mother-in-law hanging around.

froubylou · 23/11/2013 19:00

Next time she collars you drop your knickers and moon her.

When she asks what the fuck you are doing just tell her opinions are just like arseholes cos everyone has one. But as she is sooooo keen on sharing her onions with you, you assumed she would like to check your arsehole too.

It's about as socially acceptable as what she is doing after all.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 23/11/2013 20:01

I would switch my 'phone to silent. Have it in my pocket. When she approaches and opens her gob, go 'Oooh' as if the thing is vibrating and 'answer' it, walking away from her whilst doing so talking into the phone. Rude, yes but no worse than her treatment of you and once you have done this a few times she should cop on. A bit passive aggressive but at least you don't have to speak to her as you are uncomfortable doing so.

brettgirl2 · 23/11/2013 20:09

Yanbu she is a complete bitch.

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