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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really want to have both Xmas and birthday presents even tho my bday is 29 December?

71 replies

Scarletohello · 22/11/2013 22:25

Ok so just to state this is not about me being materialistic, it's more about fairness. As a kid I often got joint bday and Xmas presents and as an adult because my bday is so near Xmas I simply feel like I don't have a bday. I'm so jealous of people who have their bday in the summer and have a picnic or something equally lovely whereas mine is just overlooked. Also, I buy my friends am Xmas an bday present but with me I either get one or the other. It's not about the present just want an acknowlement that I have a fucking birthday!!!

Don't think there's really anything anyone can say that will help me but just wanted a bit of a rant....

OP posts:
pleasesleepallnight · 22/11/2013 23:38

Mines the 26th.

It's shit.

Every year I get upset because it just feels that nobody cares enough to celebrate with me. I always try to arrange something early in December but they either can't afford it as saving for Christmas or have works parties. If I try in January everybody is still counting the pennies after spending so much for Christmas.

It actually puts a dampner on the whole Christmas season for me as it really gets me down Sad

FriendofDorothy · 23/11/2013 00:03

YANBU. My birthday is on the 23rd.

The one person who always made it special for me was my Mum. She died suddenly 8 weeks ago and now I really feel like it will be forgotten.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 23/11/2013 00:06

FOD, I'm so sorry.

My birthday is New Year's Eve and everybody is busy and I have always received joint Christmas/birthday presents. Except it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Not sure why, just never considered it an issue. I can see why you'd be cross about it though.

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 23/11/2013 00:19

YANBU. Mine is Dec 28th. When I was little my parents always threw me a birthday party, but as we got older, Christmas got more hectic for all of us and my birthday was easily forgotten. So now, on the night of my actual birthday, my parents, sisters, DP (if he isn't working) and I go for a drink or two. Then, mid to late January, they bring me out to dinner, with my sister's partners and a few close friends. It's actually perfect, Jan is such a miserable month that we all look forward to a great night out. I highly recommend it!

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 23/11/2013 00:22

FriendofDorothy, I'm so sorry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2013 00:23

Poor SIL is Christmas Day. At her ILs' she doesn't get a Happy Birthday from anyone, even her DH!!! She got a whole separate birthday party at mines.

oldsilver · 23/11/2013 00:26

It's my DS's birthday on Christmas Day. We try desperately to make it a special day for him. Christmas in the morning, birthday in the afternoon.

Have birthday banners up for when he comes downstairs. I insist that all birthday presents are wrapped in birthday wrap or they go in the Christmas pile.

He thinks he is lucky as he actually gets a birthday card and present off of Father Christmas too, and no-one else he knows gets an extra present Smile Mind you don't know how much longer we can carry this on being he is 8 this year, he's not admitted to not believing ... yet!

He also got a Christmas present off the hospital when he was born Smile

We've always said, if he wants a party he can have one in June, like a half birthday. All his school friends should be available and the chances are the weather will be better.

He's not mentioned the fact that he never gets Birthday cards delivered by the postman yet, although it's something that's crossed my mind.

My birthday, although not at Christmas, is one day before my sisters - although we are three years apart. WE used to get joint presents and cards. And parties when children [still bitter] I deliberately celebrated my 18th as the parents thought it would be a good idea to have joint 18th and 21st party. Nope, my birthday is my birthday.

SlitheenInADwerfSkin · 23/11/2013 00:50

Two of my nephews birthdays are close to christmas, I always buy seperate presents, it's just not right otherwise.

Oldsilver my girls have birthdays 11 days apart, if I'm buying them something similar (like bikes) They'll get that on one birthday and a second present each on the other. I think they actually like having two birthdays. Sometimes they had to share a party for money's sake, I've another birthday a couple of weeks later. I see your point though.

BookFairy · 23/11/2013 00:51

I'm sorry for your loss FriendofDorothy Thanks

StrawberryTot · 23/11/2013 01:02

YAdefinitelyNBU, to expect people to acknowledge birthday and Xmas as 2 separate days. My DS birthday is Boxing Day, his granddads' is Xmas day, my niece is the 29th & my sister is the 30th. Every year I make sure they get presents clearly distinguishable between Xmas and birthday. For my DS I also blow balloons up, change the table cloth to a birthday one and put up banners whilst he's in bed, I know they are only small things but my sister hated having her birthday so close to Xmas so I wanted my DS to know his mum and dad made an effort.

AlpacaPicnic · 23/11/2013 01:09

I once got a birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper and my birthday is the end of September!
DH birthday is dec 3rd and like a previous poster said, we don't 'do' Christmassy stuff until afterwards. Funnily enough he probably doesn't care all that much but I do!

palemistyveil · 23/11/2013 01:10

Mine is the 29th December too! I too would prefer a summer birthday, it always feels like a quiet affair amidst the other celebrations, and difficult to organise a party because of the time of year and so many people being away.

I haven't had so much trouble with presents, usually receiving one for each, but the birthday presents have tended to be wrapped in Christmas wrap! Presumably because that's what people have to hand and left over. I don't mind that so much.

moominmarvellous · 23/11/2013 01:19

YANBU! At all! Joint presents were a childhood hate of mine. My birthday is the 27th but I find it's got better as I got older. Everyone's around for a night out, even if it's just drinks. But usually I organise something a bit different, so one year a big group of us went ice skating at Somerset House and then on for drinks after, this year we're doing Winter Wonderland. As for presents, I don't tend to get Xmas presents from family members now as we just buy for the children, DH & I buy for each other. So my birthday presents are just that, and I get them on my b'day or whenever we're doing whatever we're doing for my b'day.

I do find that sometimes you have to be the one to get a plan together, but once something is arranged people are still glad to do something at that time of year.

moominmarvellous · 23/11/2013 01:24

And another thing I got as a kid but not now, are the birthday cards where people put

'Dear Moomin,

Happy Christ Birthday' ??

And birthday presents wrapped in Xmas paper!

oldsilver · 23/11/2013 03:20

Slitheen I think it's fine when they are younger, but personally speaking there was a lot of difference between an 8 and 11 year old birthday - we wanted different things in a party, had a different group of friends.

Oh, we were so mature Grin She wanted fairies and pin-the-tail and I wanted pop music. She wanted dollies and I wanted make up a handbag. Then, of course, I moved to secondary school and none of my "friends" wanted to come to a tea party and mix with children, they were all "going out for meals" Beefeater with a smaller group of intimate friends Grin

Of course, that was a fair old while ago - things may be different nowadays with earlier maturity Smile

AdoraBell · 23/11/2013 03:37

YANBU at all. I'm a January baby, second week, and I had this one present thing too. No one else in the family, just me because no one was born even remotely close to Christmas. Clearly poor planning on my partHmm

I had a friend whose birthday is Dec 26th and her mother always did a big meal and party on her birthday, she got a proper present on her birthday. Everyone got a small gift on Christmas day, when dinner would be pasta or whatever midweek type meal her mum felt like doing, but DF's birthday was the special day. Just like everyone else's birthdays throughout the year.

foreverawake · 23/11/2013 03:43

I too have a December birthday. I'm a different religion and don't celebrate Christmas. Why then do I get Christmas cards wishing me a happy birthday, or presents wrapped in Christmas paper? It's just thoughtless. Grrr.

YANBU.

AdoraBell · 23/11/2013 03:57

Sorry for your loss FriendofDorothy Thanks

Shock at MrsTerryPratchetts SIL's DH not acknowledging her birthday, I would not be happy. My DH did once try to suggest that my birthday is too close to Christmas to make it worth separating the two. Changed his mind when I pointed out that his only two weeks later, and two weeks is hardly any difference at all.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 23/11/2013 04:19

Yanbu. My ds2 is 27th dec and it's horrible for him, most of the family don't even send him a card when they do for everyone else. I asked his uncle even if they can't afford a present please send him a card as they would be offended if I forgot one of their children and not the others. We pack away the Xmas tree on Boxing Day to make it more birthday ish for him.

MitMopse · 23/11/2013 04:38

YANBU! Mine is New Year's Day which sucks! Most years if I'm out on New Year's Eve my companions will all wish me happy birthday on the night but I see no one and do nothing on my actual birthday. When me and my twin sis turned thirty we had a big bash but did it in February! My poor mum's birthday is the 21st December and brother's is the 27th so it's a couple of weeks of presents!! We deserve proper birthday recognition although these days I'd rather forget the number !

MrsMaryCooper · 23/11/2013 07:14

Mine is close to Christmas. I insist on separate presents. Even if they are smaller because of Christmas costs, although my birthday is the same date every year so DH at least should just budget!

thebestlaidplans · 23/11/2013 08:05

I'm the 30th and always hated this growing up. I've had plenty of presents wrapped in Christmas paper as the presents are usually after thoughts. Have had people moan to me about it "Urgh, such an expensive time for a birthday", like it's my fault?
Generally nobody wants to go out or celebrate and the next night is NYE so they're all saving themselves.
But the worst part is that my parents managed to have both their kids on the same day (though a few years between us) so if we did have a little celebration we had half a cake each and a shared party. Even during Happy Birthday people shoehorned both our names into the song.
Quite funny looking back but I feel your pain. Always said I'd never inflict this on my own kids...I'm due next week! (Idiot)
Happy birthday when it comes.

fledtoscotland · 23/11/2013 08:38

My birthday is 2 wks after Xmas. All the festivities have been packed away. Everyone is skint. Sales are over. It's cold. I rarely get remembered and even family do joint Xmas & birthday cheques which is so depressing as no thought has gone into it Sad

oranges · 23/11/2013 08:43

My grandfather was the other way around. I grew up thinking his birthday was on Christmas Eve, and we always used to gather as a family to celebrate. When he died, we realised his birthday was actually mid October but he liked the glitz and fun on Christmas and wanted to celebrate his birthday as part of it. And when I complained that my birthday is in August when all my friends are away, he simply told my school my birthday was in November, so I could have a party, bring sweets to school etc then. Looking at it now, I LOVE the way he just refused to let chance ruin an annual celebration.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 23/11/2013 08:45

My sis is the 21st and she always get seperate presents, xmas and her birthday are too different things.