to not reinforce dc's relationship with MIL?

[elliegoulding]

I do not let my children visit Mil as BiL also lives there, BiL is on the Sex offenders register for having indecent images of children on his computer.

DH and MiL believe that BiL is innocent and was wrongly convicted (he says he was forced into a guilty plea) therefore I dont feel they would adequately safeguard my dc's as they truly dont think he is a risk. I find him sinister and tbh he scares me.

MiL hates me now as she feels I am disloyal for not standing by her son (BiL), we speak and exchange pleasantries when we see each other but there is no closeness anymore. Until the guilty plea I gave him the benefit of the doubt and since, I have invited MiL for meals, Xmas last year etc but she politely declines, the only time dc's see their gm is when DH takes them round if he knows BiL is out (he doesnt agree with me but respects my wishes, we also told the sw who was dealing with the case that they wouldnt be having contact with BiL, if they did then a risk assessment would have needed to be undertaken)

Tbh, I'm not arsed anymore that they dont see her, it upsets Dh though. she could visit them here or take them out any time but doesnt/wont presumably out of principle.

DH is torn, he loves all of us but believes his twatting brother is innocent, he respects how I feel but it still causes almighty rows.

YANBU. I do feel sorry for your MIL and DH as this must be an awful thing to have to deal with and to deny it is probably easier for them. But SS are involved. Your MIL and DH's denial could lead to far worse implications for your family if you bury your head in the sand too. MIL has options but is refusing to take them. Tough. If your DH wants her to have a relationship he is going to have to man up and accept that the circumstances are what they are, whether he likes it or not, and he needs to tell her that she is the one who is denying herself a relationship with her own GC.

YANBU. Your children's safety comes before their relationship with their grandmother.

You are 100% in the right. Don't take any risks. It takes a huge amount if evidence for a man to be put on the sex offenders register.

Obviously it must be very hard for your MIL to accept what her don has done but it's her choice not to see your kids.

What he was convicted of was the only thing they thing they could get him for.
He would have more likely done a lot worse.

He never never never goes near your children ever.

If he gets a chance he will hurt.

He may well have already done so.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1846040-To-want-nothing-more-to-do-with-MIL

I agree with everybody you are doing nothing wrong you are keeping your children safe he is convicted that is all the evidence you really need and if he is on the register he wont be allowed near children any way

{( www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1846040-To-want-nothing-more-to-do-with-MIL})

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1846040-To-want-nothing-more-to-do-with-MIL

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1846040-To-want-nothing-more-to-do-with-MIL Got it I think,

God im slow took me ages to make it clicky didnt realise it was done ages ago

yanbu!!!!!!!!!!!

I only read your first sentence.

YADNBU

Surely SS wouldn't want your children going there, whether BIL was in the house or not? I would doubt you could prove it either way. I'm amazed your 'D'h would risk it, tbh.

Keep your children away from these people altogether. And you need to confirm where your husband's loyalties really lie.

thankyou for the link (s) if the op is reading this and wants to then please do message me.

Please don't judge DH to harshly, he is a lovely man. BiL is very, very clever and very manipulative, his argument about being 'set up' blah blah all sounds very convincing, the CEOP bloke that came to see us said that this, and fudging issues/cleverly changing the subject is classic trait of these type lf offenders.

Men dont tend to talk about stuff like this or come on these forums, so often dont benefit from the wisdom of a wider perspective.

Ah, sorry for assuming you were another poster! Very similar situation - and lots in common it seems. It must be so very difficult to believe a family member has been convicted of such hideous crimes - but they have been and your DH needs to wise up! Seriously, he'd risk his own children's welfare? Despite the court's verdict? No, no and again no!

OP - what does your family think about this?

I havent got any brothers and sisters, my DM is very supportive and backs me totally, as do my friends.

DH truly believes he is innocent, BiL is applying for a retrial, he probably will get it overturned as he is so clever he will find some loophole and get off on a technicality

This may be of no comfort, but it may help you if you recognise that your BIL is very very unlikely to harm your children in any way.

I know his crime is disgusting, but sex offenders are a wide and varied bunch - just because he's looked at images online does not been he poses any threat to children in real life. I know it's hard to believe, but it's a completely different type of offence.

Also, if he we're a risk to your children he would have license conditions preventing unsupervised access. If he breached this he would be sent to prison - that's not something your MIL can ignore.

I don't mean to trivialise your worry I any way - you have do what you have to do to keep your children safe and allow yourself to sleep at night. I just wanted to offer a non-sensationalist view of sex offenders to hopefully give you some peace that your BIL is unlikely to be plotting how to snatch and abuse your children.

Stick to your guns. Whilst I agree with the last poster that he might well never harm your children, risk assessment is difficult and imperfect. Keeping them safe is more important than them having a relationship with their uncle. MIL can have a relationship with them if she weren't so stubborn. This is her choice.

I think that's part of the problem, I don't 'fear for their safety' (not much can happen to them sat in the living room with their father, him and MIL) I just out of principle don't want him anywhere near them - does this make me as bad as her?

Also my eldest (9yo) keeps asking me what the issue with his uncle is? why don't they see him - not that they saw lot of him before, and NEVER unsupervised thank god - anymore? I have told him that something happened and I will tell him when he is older, he thinks I am just being a cow .... :(

Please op you are pouring your ds in danger by not trying him,

Ring your sw, or ss office you were dealing with, ask them for some advice on stay safe work and for child appropriate way of telling your ds what uncle has
done, your husband must face up to this and if you are the "cow" then he actually I think needs to be the one who speaks when you ask suit down to tell your sin do he knows you are united in why he cannot see uncle

Tell you son the truth . He will be able to find out on the Internet, now if he google his uncle name.

YANBU. If he is on the sex offenders register for something like that he may well have a risk to children flag against him abd it may indeed be against the conditions of his license to for him to be around children, or around children unsupervised. Contact the probation office and ask them. Don't know if they could give specific info though. If you are concerned about the welfare of your children though, you could always explain this and ask them to keep it in confidence.

I would not assume that the MIL would necessarily definitely not ignore license conditions.. plenty of people do thinking they won't get found out.

CaramelisedOnion makes a good point - his Probation Officer probably won't be able to tell you anything, but if your worried, your local probation Trust's Victim Services Unit may be a better bet as their remit includes potential victims.