To withdraw DD from being weighed at school?

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DH thinks I am making a big fuss about nothing.

I refused consent for DD to be weighed at school as I don't think its neccesary. I didn't make a fuss, just ticked the box saying that I did not give consent.

Just because a child can eat more or as much as an adult doesn't mean they should.

In conjunction with a "clear your plate" expectation it can lead to overeating and excess weight.

OP has one child with bowel problems and also refused eye tests for this ds. I would get the weight checked just to keep the school happy. Or they may alert social services of potential medical neglect.OP is simply making the school do extra work and is therefore being selfish.

I am guessing that OP's dc is underweight, not over. Parents with underweight children are usually those in denial. IME.

You see, 5-year-old weighing 5 stone sounds overweight to me. My ten-year-old sister weighs 5 stone and her BMI is in the 59th percentile putting her in the healthy weight category. She is 4'5 so whilst on the short side she's hardly a midget. If she was just 5 inches shorter and weighed the same she'd be overweight.

I thought that pepsi, my nephew is off the charts for height but he still weighs less than 4 stone and he is 5 next month even at his very tall height I can't imagine ho he could carry another stone and not be overweight.

I was mortified/horrified/surprised when my 5 year old (middle child - ironically the one we always thought of as the skinniest) was flagged up as overweight. Initial reaction was anger and denial, but I got a grip and took it further. I spoke to the health team and asked for some advice and info (I'm very 'into' child nutrition, we do all the 'right things', home cooking/healthy packed lunches etc), as I thought there was nothing I was doing wrong and must be a mistake, but I wanted to just make sure there wasn't something I'd missed.

They sent me some very interesting info about portion sizes (he was having really healthy food but too much). For example, 2 weetabix is enough for a child of his age, they don't need toast and fruit/yoghurt aswell, 2-3 tblsp pasta etc. Instead of dismissing health teams (which seems a favourite pastime on mn), we should be using their resources and advice - they have no personal agenda with your child, and no reason to define a child as overweight if the figures don't prove it so.

It's very easy to see eating and a big appetite as something to be celebrated - lord knows, there are enough fussy eaters that it can be seem as a sign of good parenting by some if you have a 'good eater' - but we need to be aware of how much and what we're feeding our kids. These weighing occasions provide a reality check and showed me how we'd slipped into bad habits over the summer holidays which had continued (too much snacking etc). Also, his older brother is very tall and skinny, and obviously is built to burn whatever he eats without putting on weight. We needed to recognise that they are built differently and not assume their body shape/make up was the same, and that they shouldn't necessarily have the same portion size.

Looking at him with fresh eyes we could see he had a bit of a tum (we just thought it was still a baby podgy tummy), and was no longer a skinny little thing. He was never aware of any of this, but as his parents it's our job to monitor and act on changing health needs - being overweight is one of these things.

I see many overweight children at my children's school, and as a person who's struggled with weight myself I feel desperately sorry that there doesn't appear to be a grown up taking control and helping them to slowly and sensibly change their eating and form healthy habits going forward.

These tests are useful - if you have an issue it will let you know, if you don't then no further action required. When it comes to your child's health, knowledge is power.

Just want to add that unlike my sister, I was actually overweight myself as a child. I remember stepping on the scales as a six-year-old and weighing four and a half stone. When I look at photos of myself from when I was that age I can clearly see I was overweight and was carrying too much fat. I couldn't imagine being a year younger and weighing half a stone more.

Personally, if a health professional told me my child was obese I would actually listen to them and I'd want to know so I could do something about it. I certainly wouldn't just ignore it. I don't think it's easy to tell especially when it comes to your own child.

Brilliant post Sibling, and shows exactly why this monitoring is a good think IF parents are willing to listen and act upon what they are told.

That nurse needs some further education and training - 5 stone at age 5 is overweight unless she's a foot taller than her peers. And if she's so tall she's probably over fed and over nourished which could mean she will reach her adult height prematurely and stop growing, but if continues to be over fed is more likely to become obese.

It would be lovely if everyone took it the sensible way that you do, sibling. I can't see why you wouldn't want them weighed and to take advice. Mother doesn't always know best! (Especially when in denial)

My older 2 were weighed in year 6 also.
There was as some upset both times when a few children were not included as their parents had decided not to have them weighed. They were sadly nearly all slightly bigger -all the other children kept asking why and they were then trying to justify their parents decision.
In reception however I do not think the other children would realize that a child had not taken part they would be too excited!

Meh. I didn't give permission for DD to be weighed in Reception, it didn't cause her any harm, she didn't care and neither did any of her friends. Unless she wants to take part I will do the same in Yr6

However her best friend ended up obsessive about food after a throwaway remark threw her into a backspin. She is short, quite noticeably smaller than her classmates. She isn't overweight. The nurse said something like "gosh you are short, you'll have to be careful with what you eat if you don't get any taller". For DD's friend being short was already an issue, she then started worrying about being "short and fat". Her mum struggles to get her to eat, and is often beside herself with worry - and this is 3 years on. I can also see it rubbing off on her two younger brothers. She is still short and to my eyes is also now far too thin. She struggles in PT classes and is often "too tired" to play

DD occasionally comments: "am I fat?" "Is this bad for you?" type stuff and I just tell her "Let me worry about your weight and what you eat. I'll make sure you stay healthy"

In our household the emphasis is on 'healthy', rather than food/weight. I am overweight, but I eat well and exercise when I am able (injury). DH has a beer belly but goes to the gym every day and regularly runs rings around much younger blokes on the squash courts. DD takes part in every sports opportunity and never sits still - she is Yr4 and is in the Yr6 sports teams despite not actually being particularly able or talented (except in swimming).

I want the school to teach (which they do very well) and to leave the rest to me.

I am sure I cannot be the only parent who did not have her children weighed, out of principle ( objection to nanny state, and state collecting data on my family). They are slim, we are a sporty family, we eat well.

Imo, just eave fat peope alone, fat shaming, bullying and "helpful" letters from the government seem to only make the problem worse.

The real tragedy and problem is that schools have all sold off their playing fields, that kids at school spend too much time sitting down.

Most people who do 1-2 hours exercise or physical work a day can eat pretty much what they like.

Too much sitting down from too young an age, it is sad. Bribg on forrest school, bring on more sport at school, do history walks, nature walks.

Imothe gvt, and dieters, have got it all arseways

Went to secondary school for a year in Norway, loads of walking, crosscoubtry skiing, they even have a subjectcalled friluftsliv ( if I remember correctly) ie outdoors life.

Not a single overweight person at school, not one.

YABU.

Good post sibling

Whilst children don't appear to differ much at age 4, by the time they reach 10/11 it is clear that many are overweight and set to become fat adults.

In my dds class, when she started in Reception she looked on the skinny side compared to some of the other little girls, her ribs were visible when naked and she had nobbly knees. Some of the other girls still seemed to have a little 'puppy fat' compared to her but none of them looked overweight. However, now they are 9 it is clear that those little girls are now fat and my dd and those that looked skinny at 4 are healthy looking and slim.

In short, I think we have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like, and being in denial won't help. Being weighed by the school nurse won't cause an eating disorder. Children have always been weighed at school, it's not a new thing.

I agree with isawitch and the many others who feel we've lost sight of what a healthy weight is.

From weaning the emphasis is about getting rich, fatty foods (I remember using almost any opportunity to lace something with cheese/milk/butter) into our kids as babies and toddlers need full fat everything.

Unfortunately, this continues into later life and I worry that this unhealthy attitude to our children is what puts us in denial - we need to reassess at every stage and adjust accordingly (and not be like some of my friends who have fussy eaters, and now have developed the attitude that they no longer care what they eat as long as they're eating something. This can sometimes be worse than not eating at all).

I've had joking comments from my DM about my eldest, "more fat on a chip"/"there's nothing to him" etc, as though he is somehow particularly skinny. He is tall and slim but actually is normal - the way we view 'normal' is what's changed, so those with ribs/hips sticking out (which is the norm, not puppy fat and podgy tums) are seen as underweight and unhealthy. This is fine for me as I know differently, but my mom sometimes uses it as a justification for giving him lots of sugary snacks as he can "afford the calories" (actually her words - unfortunately the legacy of the diet industry on her, a lifetime of calorie counting).

My brother in law is always in the gym, plays footie and squash 3 times a week. Is very overweight with type 2 diabetes. He eats too much, pure and simple. And now, because he's so active he has a justification for eating more. Exercise doesn't allow you to eat as much as you want, especially if it's the wrong stuff (you don't hear him saying, "I can have a couple of extra spuds with dinner as I've exercised today". It's usually a visit to the chip shop on the way back).

I feel those with overweight children need to stop burying their head in the sand and hoping they'll grow out of it. Just like with adults, if they are overweight, something somewhere is wrong. Just because a child may be active/never sits still/has a skinny sibling etc, if they are overweight you need to look at every possible reason and change what the negative is.

Aren't 1 on 3 children overweight these days?
Parents who don't want their child weighed must have a reason for it, are they dreading what they might discover?

I sometimes pick my sisters two children up from school (they are 4 and 7) and when I see the size of some of the other children in their class, well....someone needs to tell the parents there is a problem and make the parents address it.

I was at Pizza Hut the other week and saw an overweight boy (I would guess about 13 years old) eat his way through a starter, two medium sized pizzas and then keep going up for ice cream at that Factory they have. Surely his parents can see he is overweight....is it just seen as too big a hurdle to overcome and so it is easier to just let him eat away??

Did I see a poster say her 5 year old son weighs 5 stone? I'm only just under 9 stone and I'm a fully grown woman who is 22 weeks pregnant.

I agree with you isawitchcrackling - some people have lost sight of what a healthy weight is. Weighing a child will not cause an eating disorder and children need to be educated about healthy weights and the health implications.

Parents who don't want their child weighed must have a reason for it, are they dreading what they might discover?

Nope.

I know my child isn't over or underweight. I know she eats healthily and I know she exercises regularly. Her weight is secondary to her healthy lifestyle. I know plenty of parents and children that are healthy weights/sizes but only ever eat crap. Weight is not as important as health. Slim does NOT equal fit.

Parents who don't want their child weighed must have a reason for it, are they dreading what they might discover?

Possibly but, if you read the thread, you'll see that there are other, perfectly good, reasons too.

I sat and watched the children coming out of my DD's school yesterday with the comments about our view of normal in mind. I was surprised to see that the proportion of children that I would consider a bit overweight was quite a lot higher than I had realised. These children must be noticeably overweight when seen with few or no clothes on.

Having said that I can safely add that my DD isn't one of them.

I'm not sure what telling their parents is going to achieve. More active outdoor lessons and school lunches that don't include high fat/sugar desserts every day would probably be a more effective strategy. I can't quite work out why they include large bowls of cake and custard when chips are restricted to once a week.

children need to be educated about healthy weights

No. Children need to be educated about healthy eating and healthy lifestyles and it needs to be fun and an accepted part of the daily routine.

Children don't need to be taught to check their weight. That's not a good road to go down.

I agree about the school meals mandra - when I ask my niece/nephew what they had for lunch they always describe lovely tasting, but unhealthy big puddings My sister is thinking of changing them to having packed lunches so she can monitor it a little bit better but then worries if they are missing out on having some of the nutritious food the school does provide with hot meals. It is a shame that schools can't cater for more PE and activity but from my memory recollection of school, doing PE didn't usually involve a lot of activity anyway, just standing in line for a few hours until it was your turn to hit the cricket ball Ideally parents would be able to find time to take their children to extra curricular activities so they could get more expensive but the reality isn't that easy, especially with how much some things cost these days.

But, taking into account that there are genuine reasons some parents don't want to get their children weighed, I still think it helps as it enables the Country to monitor weight as a whole, give statistics, look at trends etc etc. Any information provided on childhood weight can't really be valid or relied upon if a good portion of the country haven't actually been weighed. I imagine it could skew the results somewhat.

My kids didn't eat junk till they went to school. Everyday they come out of school with Haribos from someone's birthday. The school dinners are low fat, low protein high carb....fill up on white bread, white pasta and cakes - not what I'd call healthy or tasty, no wonder my kids don't eat them. And I will not get my kids weighed because there is no need - I have scales at home but they don't use them, they are probably underweight more than anything....but I was super skinny as a child as was dh....they are healthy, eat good quality food with portion size according to their appetite, they are rarely ill...weight is not something we are worried about and we are not in denial!!

I think I'd appreciate some support on healthy eating even if my DS isn't overweight, tbh.
I've just looked at the children's food trust suggestion of a packed lunch that would meet the same nutrition requirements as hot dinners and am baffled. Low fat yoghurt - should we be giving kids low fat diet food? Then another day it's a stick of cheese, so clearly a bit of fat isn't bad. A box of raisins, but then raisins are bad for their teeth. Cake seems to feature more than I would expect. Creme caramel and a bought strawberry trifle?

I honestly looked at that and thought I don't know what I'm doing any more.

I refused dd 6 to be weighed at school (nanny state, data collecting etc), she is skinny, no tum, you can count her ribs and see all her vertebrae. She does not lie food never has even as a baby, I have to feed her to get calories in. She has ASd and is weighed by te paedritrician every year as part of his routine check, so there is no reason to weigh at school anyway.,