to think children don't really care about 'work ethics' and would prefer to have a SAHP?

[Mingnion]

Well aware I'm probably going to get mightily flamed for this but here goes...

I have a 6.5 year old and an 18 month old. My husband that supported us sadly died last year and I plan to stay at home and on benefits until my youngest is at school. I have a degree from Cambridge and will put in what I take out a hundred times over in the future no doubt. We do not have a lavish lifestyle but my children are adequately fed, dressed and are very happy which is more important IMO. Six months ago I found a part-time job and the impact on my children was massive. They were miserable at having to go to nursery and after school clubs and I was miserable as I missed them. Now they are inexplicably happy. I know it is a common opinion that single parents must work so as to teach their children about work ethics but realistically, do you really think children will care? I'd say most children would much rather have a SAHP and in retrospect I'd have preferred my mum to have been home so her work ethics obviously didn't rub off on me. AIBU to think this way and plan to stay at home with my children until my youngest is school age?

Well this thread is proof you don't need to be smart to get a degree from Cambridge.

If everyone is honest who on earth wishes they were brought up on benefits? Hardly an aspiration of the vast majority of people.

Oh you do need to be smart to get into Oxbridge let alone get a degree from there.

The op is putting her children first and has clearly gone through a shit time as have they.Benefits(which I've never used) are there for when we need them,she clearly feels she does in the interests of her children.

It is a temporary time and I'm sure she'll weigh up the pros and cons carefully.

You really don't, Retropear. Speaking as an Oxford graduate, you really and truly do not need to be massively intelligent to get in.

mumofbeautys It's changed - Arch&Anth has merged with SPS to create HPS (Human Political Science apparently).

You didn't need maths for SPS (what Op did) and pretty sure you don't need it for HPS.

Why on earth do you have to wish you were brought up on benefits if you feel you need to use them for a temp time.

Her kids have lost a father figure,they were miserable and I'm guessing she was in receipt of some kid of benefit if working part time anyway.

The grief my kids are feeling re losing their grandma would indicate losing a father figure is a huge deal for small children.

You can be book smart but completely dim in the empathy stakes. I present you exhibit A: the OP!

I agree with the op. Fed up with being made to feel shit for not working even though im not on benefits and getvthis my dd is at school. My family my choice

YANBU I've never heard a child complain about a patent staying at home but I've known many children to be upset by working parents.

Well mother the kid down our road who has just got in is beyond bright so I'm basing my assumption on him.

motherinferior You need to be extraordinarily good at one thing (your subject) to get in.

You don't need to be good at anything else.

But you do need to be off the scale freaky clever at what you are going to be studying.

(I'm a mathmo - I struggle with left and right but know and care what the sqrt of 1089 is.)

Whos is making you feel shit LEM?

He's also working his arse off.

Generally people who make derogative comments about other people intelligence are not that bright.

Many people complain about the parents staying at home if they have no experiences, nothing the same as their peers or a depressed mum. I know of no one that had a good time being brought up on benefits, even only for a few years. I think the op is unwise to choose that route tbh.

Hmmm....I do disagree. Most of my peers were bright, but not freaky bright at their subjects. Which in my case was English. I expect we were all reasonably clever but I can think of a few people who definitely stuck at the 'reasonably' level.

"I have been told that I'm setting a poor example for them and 'overindulging' them when me going to work would help them 'get over' their dad dying"

whoever said that is a knob.

However, your individual circumstances require one course of action which you are happy to take. You shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that your special circumstances should then be applied to every child parent relationship. That would make you a knob too.

Retro other people s attitudes its taken me a while but I'm learning to rise above it

Sorry for your loss x yanbu

...so all I'm really saying in the context of this thread, is OK so you have a Cambridge degree but in all honesty the world and its contingent of potential employers are not going to grind to an amazed halt and fling open their recruitment policies in awe.

I enjoy my work life. I also enjoy being a parent. My children are thriving.

I've never felt the need to start a thread on MN criticising SAHM and suggesting that they should do what I do.

Interesting isn't it.....

How is the op doing a job below or just above the tax threshold,taking wtc and costing the state in childcare help better than her being with own children who want and need her and which is where she wants to be?

I despair.

You may not have started threads but you've posted many comments saying just that actually Janey.

she is in for a rude awkening, stealth , it is shocking that people think like this in this day and age. Attempting to justify her decisions by suggesting she is better than others in similiar circumstances because she has a 'good' degree'.

OP you're a single mother scrounging off the state. What do you think would happen if everyone with a degree from a 'good' university (or indeed, a 'bad' one) decided that being on benefits was best for their children? and what on earth do you think happens to widows and single parents in non-welfare states? I suppose you believe people are poor because they didn't try hard at school, don't you?