Play dates, do you tell their parents the truth about how they behaved?

[mummytowillow]

I've got two siblings for a play date. I'm good friends with their mum and they've been here before.

So far between them they've displayed appalling table manners despite being asked not to do what they were doing.

Pulled faces whilst I asked them not to do this and back chatted.

Broken a toy intentionally by battering it on the floor, which I heard from downstairs

Pushed and kicked each other, and DD.

My daughter has also been a nightmare, and it makes me wonder if the other mum lies when I ask if she's been good on play dates.

I am vague. 'Thanks for coming... I hope you've enjoyed yourselves...' If asked by mother/father if their child has been well behaved I say ' they've all been lively' and laugh. I then never invite them over ever again. Little ...

I don't usually have play dates at my house. I usually arrange to meet at soft play or park etc. so the other parent has responsibility for their child. If that happened in my house I'd be tempted to say to the parents. I might let it go once but if it carried on if have to tell them. I'd want someone to tell me so I could deal with it.

Oops this was supposed to be in chat!

I never had a problem tbh.

I think I would tell the patents in this situation,especially as your DD has been naughty too. I would also say they were 'lively' accompanied with a nervous smile if asked and I would elaborate if I was asked.

I would want yo know if it were my kids.

My ds had a friend round for tea about a year ago and he was an absolute brat! Jumping on the furniture, flicking peas around the table, throwing toys and... I can't help but still laugh at this... Calling my brother who popped round to drop something off "fat boy".

I dropped him off and his mum asked how he'd been and I just said they'd had a very excitable few hours. She asked me straight out if he'd been naughty and I made light of it and said they had been fine, not exactly angelic, but fine.

Then I moved house :)

I had a friend of DS1's round who nearly reduced me to tears with his appalling behaviour. I did tell his mum he'd been a bit naughty. It was because he was tired. As it was everytime he misbehaved. I refused to have him round again and luckily he moved not long after. It was actually a shame as got on really well with his mum but he was a bit of spoilt brat.

Yep. I tell the parents of any child on a play date at our house, how their child behaved. If my DC were on a play date, I would want to know if they misbehaved, so I expect any parent will want the same.

I have upset one mother by telling her, politely, that her DC wrecked some of my DC's toys and games. She stormed off in a huff with said child in tow. It turned out that she was upset I had informed her that her DC wasn't the little angel she would like to think. She hasn't spoken to me since then and has told her DC not play with DS

I'd be honest!
Tell her that they've misbehaved, broken something, been a bit rude and disrespectful and that you're now concerned that your dd has behaved this way while away from you too.

Yes. I'm not about to stand there praising a child who I know and they know behaved badly!

I can't remember a hosted playdate where I had anything worse to (honestly) say other than "high spirits!" My baboons are usually the worst culprits by far.

Gah, pressed post too soon. Meant to say that her DC not playing with mine didn't bother me, which she got angry about. I guess she was trying to goad me to get a reaction. Epic fail IMHO. Best thing is, she started spreading rumours about me saying that I told her DC to f* off, but luckily most of the parents know me and know I wouldn't do that to another person's DC, so they knew she was talking out of her arse..............talented woman ;)

I'd only say if the behaviour was exceptionally rude, destructive, physically hurting or anything I couldn't handle. Children can behave out of character when away from home. I've not had a okay date I wouldn't do a repeat visit for, although there are some I need to psych myself up for!

No. I always say they have been fine. I just don't invite the badly behaved ones again.

Woolly Fat boy?!! Sorry, I did laugh but WTF?!! Cheeky sod!! !

i wouldn't mention things like bad table manners or being a bit cheeky, but i would say something if they were being horrible to my DD (or just not playing well together) along the lines of "well it didn't go too well to be honest" and would only elaborate if prompted to.

if a child is a brat i don't invite them again, i only invite kids i'm trying to help my kids develop friendships with. unless i'm helping someone out, but that is usually a one off so no big deal if it doesn't go too well.

I never tell the truth. We are constantly hosting playdates and sleepovers for 10 yo ds so I know that kids will either misbehave without their parents or become totally sensitive and clingy. All I say is 'they've been great' and think of one positive thing each child has done. I expect the same thing back because I imagine ds2 has probably done his 'look at me! I'm drunk on sugar! ' act and talked non-stop before crying because someone looked at him funny but I don't want to actually know. I assume people would just stop inviting him if he was that bad.

NO.

No good will ever come of this kind of honesty.

I did tell a mother once. Her DS was a total PITA. I told him I would tell his mother, he said 'she won't believe you!' I told her exactly how he had been. She marched him straight out to the car and they rang me when they got home to apologise. He never did it again.

I would say something if they've been enough of a problem for me to have second thoughts about inviting them back again. If they misbehaved but were easily corrected then not a problem, if not then I say something.

The only nightmare child I've had over was a friend of DS's when he was about 6. He did nasty stuff like shut my then 4 yo DD in a dark room where she couldn't reach the door. I said something vague to his mother when I dropped off about how their had been some problems between the boys and DD. I wish I had been honest as I had to do all this ridiculous avoiding stuff for months with his (very thick skinned) mother until she got the hint that I wasn't going to invite her DS round again.

Crowler, do you know what? I think you are absolutely right. I had this problem with Dcs of friends of ours for YEARS. I never told them how it really was, although they were more than aware because they would often be present when their DCs misbehaved, tantrummed, threw and broke stuff, trashed rooms, fought etc etc. It was bloody awful even though I actually liked their mum very much. Eventually, after a particularly awful occasion at our house I told her. She was absolutely horrified, accused me of making things up, never spoke to me again and the whole thing caused huge issues because we had mutual friends. I would never do it again, it was a nightmare although I admit this is a very extreme reaction. I would just distance myself and avoid them.

I'm going to keep quiet I think

Lila that sounds horrible. I honestly think I would want to know if it were my child (MAYBE IT IS???????). But nine times out of 10, people will react really badly.