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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put two and two together and make a raging pervert with feline perv minions?

42 replies

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 15:16

So in my dim and distant past I had a spate of knicker and occasional sock thievery over the summer months.

The mystery was eventually solved when I caught the fuzzy feline assailant in the act of underwear abduction. He was then traced back to a house in the next street.

From henceforth a arrangement was made whereby myself and my other neighbour would pop round and reacquaint ourselves with our underwear from a box the cats owner kept for his cats kleptomanical fetishy escapades.

This arrangement sufficed until fetishy cat and his owner moved house. The years since then have been filled with a happy absence of liberated frillies.

Till today's perturbing discovery, whilst chopping mushrooms and gazing out the window I noticed that the current rear neighbours have pulled down all the trellis and vines. This in turn reveals a tall luxuriant abundant growth of pampas grass. Shock

Clearly my previous neighbour was actually a huge pervy hairy swinger with a carefully trained cat knicker thief that brought home various knickers for him to wear during his seedy orgies in his semi detached bungalow, before washing them and putting them in his box.

AIBU to make this conclusion purely on the chance discovery of some unexpected flora many years later?

OP posts:
IamtheZombie · 20/11/2013 15:18

Sounds perfectly reasonable to Zombie. Grin

ScrambledSmegs · 20/11/2013 15:21

Exactly how hairy was your previous neighbour?

YANBU.

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 15:22

It's the only logical explanation.

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 20/11/2013 15:22

As I'm envisioning him as some kind of fluffy feline mothership.

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 15:27

VERY hairy neighbour, and I say this as someone married to a man where the barber isn't sure where to put his hair line such is the luxuriant growth of his back hair. Hmm

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 20/11/2013 15:27

Trained a cat? Have you ever tried? Believe me cats do what they please when they please. The cat thieved the knickers, because the cat wanted the knickers.

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 15:28

Fine. In that case the cat was his enabler.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 20/11/2013 15:33

Or the pampas grass and the fetish both belong to the cat and your neighbour was just doing what any good cat owner does and pandering to their cat's every whim.

YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 15:34

The pervy bastard! Grin

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 15:34

Omg! You mean hairy neighbour was actually a cat gimp?!

OP posts:
RandallFloyd · 20/11/2013 15:45

Roar @ catty gimp Grin

I think it's much more likely they were both in it together. They probably found each other on that google. It's full of pervs.

YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 15:58

Maybe they found each other on Plenty of Cats? Grin

TheCuntingPigeon · 20/11/2013 16:02

Coo coo coooooo cooo coouuu. Hmm

Coo coo, coo coo. Grin

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 16:17

Well, that was a bit convoluted Pidge, but I see your point.

I'm concerned about cat / cat slave networking sites. No good can come from this.

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 20/11/2013 16:17

My cat sauntered in with a large panty pad (unused) in her mouth. Mind you, that was less alarming than when she came in with a neighbour's squawking canary clamped in her jaws.

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 16:20

Do you have a box by your front door for ill gotten sanitary wear and Avians?

OP posts:
TheCuntingPigeon · 20/11/2013 16:30

Coo.

YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 16:32

I'm sure that's against the talk guidelines. Hmm Grin

TheCuntingPigeon · 20/11/2013 16:33

Coo?

:(

YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 16:34

Maybe I just read it wrong. Thought you said 'coo'?

TheCuntingPigeon · 20/11/2013 16:36

Coo coo. Blush

Coo coouuooo coooo coo coo coooooouuuu. Coo coo cooo? Coo. Wink

indignatio · 20/11/2013 16:37

I was mortified when one of my cats went out in a fetching tartan bra of mine, do you think your neighbours moved in close to me and are training MY cat? I shall look out for a recently planted pampas grass.

elskovs · 20/11/2013 16:39

WTF? Do you actually talk like this? Is it prose??

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 20/11/2013 16:41

Don't be ridiculous. You can't blame your neighbour. Blame the cat. Cat thieves knickers. Cat thieves pampas seeds. Cat is the swinger.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 20/11/2013 16:43

There's always enough room to swing a cat....

Or something.