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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put two and two together and make a raging pervert with feline perv minions?

42 replies

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 15:16

So in my dim and distant past I had a spate of knicker and occasional sock thievery over the summer months.

The mystery was eventually solved when I caught the fuzzy feline assailant in the act of underwear abduction. He was then traced back to a house in the next street.

From henceforth a arrangement was made whereby myself and my other neighbour would pop round and reacquaint ourselves with our underwear from a box the cats owner kept for his cats kleptomanical fetishy escapades.

This arrangement sufficed until fetishy cat and his owner moved house. The years since then have been filled with a happy absence of liberated frillies.

Till today's perturbing discovery, whilst chopping mushrooms and gazing out the window I noticed that the current rear neighbours have pulled down all the trellis and vines. This in turn reveals a tall luxuriant abundant growth of pampas grass. Shock

Clearly my previous neighbour was actually a huge pervy hairy swinger with a carefully trained cat knicker thief that brought home various knickers for him to wear during his seedy orgies in his semi detached bungalow, before washing them and putting them in his box.

AIBU to make this conclusion purely on the chance discovery of some unexpected flora many years later?

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 20/11/2013 16:46

but surely the pampas grass needs to be in the front garden where passing swingers can pop in and suggest an unscheduled orgy, whats the point in your backgarden where it can't be seen?

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 20/11/2013 16:50

Exactly. It's for the local cat swingers to see. Or swinging cats.

YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 16:52

All cats are swingers, man. Wink

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 17:09

How else am I meant to express my surprise at the seedy goings on of my ex neighbour and his cat on Mumsnet? Confused Through the medium of interpretive dance?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 17:12

Now that I would pay to see. Grin

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 17:19

I'm thinking a light jazz number for fetish cat buggering off over the fences with my briefs?

OP posts:
ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 20/11/2013 17:20

Surely it has to be Burlesque?

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 17:24

Surely the burlesque scene would involve hairy neighbour and the box of knickers? (And a sick bucket for the audience)

OP posts:
RandallFloyd · 20/11/2013 17:24

Oh pleeeaaase be doing a dance whilst posting.

Personally I go for more of a mime/silent movie type of thing.

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 17:26

A silent movie of gutter rage would be awesome Randall Grin

MNHQ are missing a trick, here.

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 20/11/2013 18:20

Ah, I see the whole cat and pampas connection now!

It's a bit like the rabbit and Pete Sampras thing. Pampas and Sampras sound a bit similar too. Woo!

TotallyBursar · 20/11/2013 18:28

This requires a stakeout.

Would you buy a house resplendent with Pampas? No, clearly not unless you were a swinger. They must know about what went on, which is why they bought the house, primed you see, and removed the trellis to signal you. Just you wait you'll get an invite to the fondue party before the year's out, you'll see.
Then it's all drippy cheese and keys in the fruit bowl and everybody in the wrong socks.

Doomed you are. Doomed.

YouTheCat · 20/11/2013 18:36

Drippy cheese that burns!

AthelstaneTheUnreadyFucker · 20/11/2013 18:37

I need new socks

HoneyDragon · 20/11/2013 18:45

Oh no! I already regularly wear mismatched socks. They probably think I am a hairy swinger!

OP posts:
AlwaysInBed · 20/11/2013 19:08

I have pampas grass Shock

How the hell have I forgotten all the swinging sessions? They've just disappeared from my memory...

(Actually, I'm now considering digging up the grass just in case the house buyers are MNers!)

HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas · 20/11/2013 19:15

My parents had pampas grass in their garden.

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