To make my Year5 boy pay for lost school jumpers ?

[Wishihadabs]

It's driving me crackers! He started with 3 in September, this morning I can't find any either at school or home. Its only about 5 degrees here, so I do feel I need to buy at least 1.WiBU to dock 50% from his pocket money. (About £7 so 2 weeks worth)?

YANBU. My DS is only 6, and I am tempted to stop his pocket money for a couple of weeks after he lost his jumper. They need to learn that things cost money, and there are not unlimited funds!

No, YWNBU to make him pay part of the cost. DD1 managed to lose 2 school jumpers and her PE kit in YR5, and I made her pay for all of it out of her pocket money, as she had form for losing stuff throughout her school career and I figured at age 10 she was old enough.

She hasn't lost a single thing since.

What's his excuse? Does he accept he lost them? Is he contrite about it?
In only ask because it would be awful to dock his pocket money if - for e.g. he was the victim of pranks / theft at school or something.
But if he admits he lost them through carelessness, it might well teach him a lesson. He's 9, right? I think that's old enough for a little lesson-learning.

Or you could buy a couple, wrap them up and put them under the Christmas tree, replacing a present.
It's what I told my DS would happen if he lost kit at secondary, and the warning worked.

As long as you're sure it's his fault and not bullying or theft then it's fine

DS2 used to skid daily on the grass on his knees, making a hole in the left knee of his school trousers at about the same age. We started charging him £1 for every time he did it - he only had to pay £1 before he stopped.

So YANBU!

Nope - it's a very sensible approach imo. They've got to realise that lost stuff costs a fortune to replace, and so as the loser (losee?!) that cost should fall to them.

I am on the fence because I wonder if you could help him remember them better when he comes out the door, have you labeled them well, what does school say to help you find them, do you make a point of buying 2nd hand, etc.

It would be a bad strategy with my 9yo DS, more aggro than it's worth.

I just used to wander into school and round them up every so often.

DD2 just didn't look. They'd be one peg to the left of her's and she wouldn't find them.

HOw have all three gone? Do you not check when he comes in after school? If mine came home without one, then I would be into school the next day looking for it. I have a DD in year five and she's lost a few bits...I ALWAYS find them. If they don't turn up then the office sends out text messages...not only for me but for all parents. "Please check your child's label as Tom in year 3 has lost his PE top" kind of thing. I think YABU as lljkk says...you need to help him.

Plus it's all very well to say "they need to learn things cot money" but very often the fault may lie with another child who has picked up stuff that's not their own.

Not every parent is there to check on them when they come out of school, and really, by aged 9 I wouldn't expect to chase around after them or be in school looking for their stuff. They do have to realise that there is a consequence for not looking after their possessions, so the threat of a loss of pocket money (or whatever) to replace the item does tend to focus their attention I found, and encourages them to have a much better look for their stuff themselves.

YANBU to make him pay part of it, I don't think.

While it's true that someone else might have had a hand in it ICame, it is 3 jumpers. I would expect a 9 year old to wear home what they wore to school, and if it was missing to tell me about it. Waiting until 3 jumpers were gone = not taking due care of his things, whether or not he or someone else was careless (bullying aside obviously).

Chenjin I know...I'm not at the gates..I check her bag when she's home and I am home. Not hard.

schokolade yes but it's 3 jumpers over a period of time....parents have some responsibility to check regularly...not suddenly notice they're all gone.

But surely he's at an age where that responsibility is shifting to him. No one checks their high school DCs uniform like that (or do they?). So this is the time he needs to start learning, by taking part of the blame and paying part of the cost.

If you can hand on heart say you've never left behind an item of clothing at work, jumper, scarf, gloves or an umbrella, go ahead. But I have, and given all their clothes are identical so they can't easily identify their own, I am quite slack about this- I mark everything in washable pen black in big letters (on the label, inside) and then every now and again go in and look through lost property. I am not sympathetic over coats as these are more easily identifiable and more expensive, so if someone comes home without one one day, I would get them to bring it home the next.

ICame - that comment wasn't aimed at you.

Parents have a responsibility for certain things, but chasing around after 9/10 year olds to make sure that they haven't lost their school jumper isn't one of them, imo.

After a ridiculous amount of stuff (including 3 jackets and a lunchbox!) was lost last year due to his own carelessness (forgetting he had taken a jacket, forgetting to look in the lost property, forgetting to check before he left somewhere), I told DS (age 8) I would charge him for stuff lost in future.

I made him give me £10 out his piggy bank for a jumper in the first week of term and he hasn't lost anything since. I think the loss of the money focused his mind a bit!

Chenjin so what?

I would give him extra chores rather than take the cash off him.

I probably wouldnt have said that last week but I saw a member of staff gather up the entire classes jumpers/uniforms off the floors/tables and chairs after they got changed for games and stick it in a big pile on the desk. When they came back in after PE they were told to sort out their clothes and they should hang them/fold them up neatly not leave them lying around. As a result of this rather unusual event caused by the teacher half of the students couldnt find their stuff. My friends son still has a vest and a shirt missing

Im not suggesting this is what happened to your sons items but the staff do randomly pick items up and place them in random drawers/boxes/lost property/pegs/hangers.

Thanks for all the feedback. I WOTH 3 days a week. Ds is picked up by DH on Thursday and school run friends on Friday and Tuesdays. I do usually go in on Monday to round them up, however this Monday I was at a course so he went to a friends after school. I think he lost one on Friday (v. common TBH) one on Tuesday and I have now found one in his sister's bed ! On the subject of gloves, scarves etc I would say I loose less than 1 item per year as I was taught to look after my stuff as a preteen/teen.

However I think it is difficult as he goes to friends etc, to allow me to work. I have decided to buy another one and reward them both with a discretionary £1 if all coats gloves/jumpers are at home on Saturday morning. 50p fine for each missing item.

Sounds like a good plan

I'm going to make dd (yr 7) but a replacement school skirt.

She lost one of them a couple if weeks ago & last night came home without the other so today she has had to go in wearing her track suit.

Everything is labelled.

At £25 per skirt it's no joke. .

I also work so they go to after school occasionally / have after school nanny, so I (personally) can't check. I agree with you OP, certainly by Year 5, they have to accept responsbility themselves. My DS (Year 4) is a nightmare. Not necessarily just losing things, coming home with holes in the knees of his (new) trousers, polo shirt ruined where it wasn't tucked in and he skidded across the playground playing football. His brand new school shoes bought at the start of September didn't make it even to half term (£38 Clarks shoes) because he skids / scuffs them playing football.

We now have a policy that if an item is lost, he has a week to find it. If he can't find it, its replaced. If its ruined, its replaced. He pays half now of all replacement costs (so far, one jumper and 1 pair of trainers).