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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this Headmaster has been overly harsh on my DD

78 replies

pinkmoomin · 19/11/2013 21:02

My DD In Y5 was caught reading a Harry Potter book during the start morning lessons. She had got to an exciting part in the storyb and couldn't tear herself away. The teacher had specifically asked for books to be put away, so it was only right she was punished for not doing what she had been told.

She had to stay in at first break time and then stand outside the Deputy Head's office. I have no problem with this. The Headmaster walked past and asked what she had done wrong. She told him that she had been reading her book in class and was 'addicted' to it. He replied that he was "disappointed" with her and he would like to spend the day at home reading rather then doing jobs at school.

At lunchtime DD was sat in the dining hall eating her dinner and the Headmaster walked over to the table and in a strict voice said "hope you had a better lesson than this morning" in front of her group of friends.

After lunch, headmaster collers DD again in the corridor. She is on her way to girls' football practice and is member of the squad. Headmaster says "do you think badly behaved children should represent the school at football?" when DD replied "No" he said "well, think about it!"

I think he has been extremely harsh. I could understand his threat for really bad behaviour, but for reading in class! Especially ironic as it's book next week and the school are doing their upmost to encourage a love of reading.

DD is upset and doesn't want to go to school tomorrow, which is unlike her.

OP posts:

clam · 19/11/2013 21:33

What an arse. Absolutely ridiculous and if this is a "stand outside the office at break-time" offence, then I'd dearly love to know what they do for real crimes - and I'm renowned as being strict at school.

Fairenuff · 19/11/2013 21:34

Has she ever been in trouble for anything else?

ivykaty44 · 19/11/2013 21:34

for goodness sake don't we want children to read and encourage it and yes haven't we all been doing something we shouldn't have at school but to go on and on and on about reading a book in class is just going to backfire

BettyBotter · 19/11/2013 21:36

Is she a repeat low level irritant in class? Has she been told to put her book away many times before? Does she tend to feel she doesn't need to follow instructions until she feels ready?

There may be a whole other story behind the HT's apparent overreaction.

or he may just be a tosser

Salmotrutta · 19/11/2013 21:36

See, it sounds to me like the DD had been told to put the book away.

She didn't and kept reading.

Now, this may have happened every morning for two weeks for all we or OP knows and the teacher was fed up.

Maybe it was a one off.

Maybe the DD was a bit cheeky to the Head.

Maybe she wasn't.

Who knows.

Salmotrutta · 19/11/2013 21:37

X-post with a couple of people!

AngiBolen · 19/11/2013 21:39

As the parent of a Y6 child who never reads (and acts like it's actually physically painfull for them to read!) I don't think the HT is being harsh, I think he is being a twat.

AngiBolen · 19/11/2013 21:40

I bet your DD was a little bit cheeky.

But so what? She was hardly listening to her MP3 player which is what my DS would have been doing.

nennypops · 19/11/2013 21:41

^It sounds as though he perhaps reacted that way because your DD tried to minimise the disobedience in the same way that you are....
Disobedience is disobedience. You don't get to pick and choose.^

Are you really suggesting that all disobedience is identical? Would you put this in the same class as, say, refusing to put the book away and shouting at and hitting the teacher when she insisted on it? The teacher who actually saw what dd did imposed the punishment she thought was appropriate. Why should she get any more than that?

CocktailQueen · 19/11/2013 21:41

Boo, he sounds crap! Surely he should be pleased that your dd was reading?! I accept she should have put her book away in class, but really...

Dd's middle school have told her class that any child who is caught reading out of class will be given a personal excellence stamp!!

WorraLiberty · 19/11/2013 21:42

Why are people going on about reading?

She was disobedient...it doesn't matter whether she was reading a book or fiddling around with her pencil case.

The whole class was given an instruction and she chose to ignore it.

Yes, the Head does sound OTT but there could well be more to it...including her offering up her excuse instead of just accepting she was wrong.

youarewinning · 19/11/2013 21:43

I'm more of a like for like punishment - if a punishment is needed.

Some children being pulled up on reading and not listening in front of their peers in a harsh tone is enough to stop them doing it again. If it's done again I would go for "you wasted X seconds/ minutes of mine and your peers time so you can stand outside HT office/ stay in at breaktime for X seconds/minutes".

I also think the HT carrying it on goes against the ethos schools generally try and foster - that is forgive and move on and don't make the same mistake again.

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/11/2013 21:45

No, this was definitely overkill by the headmaster, OP. His first comment was reasonable, when he saw her standing in the corridor, but not the two after that.

Do you think he was the real headmaster, or perhaps Quirrell/Voldemort in disguise?

clam · 19/11/2013 21:45

See, I normally get very irritated on these types of thread, when posters bleat about their pfbs being told off for things by nasty teachers. I tend to think "Oh, get over it."

But this is just bloody ridiculous. I cannot believe that a teacher really needs to involve the Head about such a matter. Has she really not got sufficient authority to deal with it in-house? And what sort of power trip is the Head on to keep banging on about it several times in one day? Also, SHE WAS READING, ffs. Isn't that what we teachers spend our lives trying to encourage children to do? They should be thrilled.

All it needed, at the very most, was a firm, "I said put the book away NOW. I can see you're wrapped up in it, which is lovely, but I need you on the carpet now, so do as you're told." End of story.

MammaTJ · 19/11/2013 21:47

It's a bit shit but I think that he really wanted to hit home after being shocked that she had done wrong in the first place. Tell your DD to take it as a compliment to her usual good behaviour, rather than as a judgement of this one 'bad' occasion. I so was your DD as a child

Original poster

pinkmoomin · 19/11/2013 21:47

DD has never been in trouble for reading in class before. She has only just got really into it, or 'addicted' as she puts it.

Admittedly she is a chatty child, confident and can be over enthusiastic. But she is hardworking and always had excellent school reports and As for effort.

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 19/11/2013 21:47

The teacher didn't involve the Head.

He walked past the Deputy's office and questioned the DD.

WorraLiberty · 19/11/2013 21:47

Anyway, if I were you OP I'd go in and actually speak to the Head.

Find out exactly what your DD did, what she said and whether or not she was cheeky.

We all know with kids there's often a bit more to the story than they choose to tell us (though not always).

But no-one...not even you will be able to decide whether the Head was OTT until you've got the full facts.

If your DD doesn't want to go to school because of this, I'd make speaking to the Head and class teacher a priority.

Good luck.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 19/11/2013 21:48

She was hardly listening to her MP3 player which is what my DS would have been doing.

My nephew told me that a lot of the boys in his class wear their hair long better to hide the earbuds with.

Salmotrutta · 19/11/2013 21:49

Confident you say?

WorraLiberty · 19/11/2013 21:52

Also 'chatty', 'confident' and 'over enthusiastic' are great traits to have.

But they can also become their downfall, which is why teachers in years 5 and 6 tend to become more strict...to prepare them for senior school.

Fairenuff · 19/11/2013 21:53

DD has never been in trouble for reading in class before.

Has she ever been in trouble for anything else though?

Valdeeves · 19/11/2013 21:55

I'd have been pleased to see her reading such a good book! The teacher should have not made a huge deal out of a child they love reading so much they get lost in a book!
I'm a teacher, loved reading as a child.
All OTT - it should have been:

"Put that book away, here's a small punishment" - end of story.
Head teacher sounds terrible.

Valdeeves · 19/11/2013 21:56

Loves - sorry!

zipzap · 19/11/2013 21:56

I was forever being turfed out of the library corner where I'd hide and read when I was at infant school. And for doing too much maths. I used to be punished by being sent to do whatever I was supposed to be doing (art usually) - teacher wouldn't have wanted to dissuade me from doing either (she just got fed up when I did too much so she'd have to unearth another book for me to do). No way would she punish anyone by making them lose a playtime just for reading.

I think the HT was definitely being OTT about keeping on and on about it. Do you think that maybe the teacher was a bit OTT about it herself when telling the head so that he thought it was worse than it actually was?

Not good that in a single day he has managed to scare your dd enough for her to not want to go into school tomorrow though

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