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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is just mad

49 replies

Summerblaze · 19/11/2013 12:41

When my DD started school 5 years ago, we were given a list at christmas of the first names of all those who were in her class for them to write christmas cards if they wanted to. DD could probably have told me the names but it was helpful for me to check that she hadn't left anyone out. Once in year 1 they weren't given a list anymore but it didn't matter as DD then knew everybody's first and last names and which of the 2 classes in her year they were in.

DS1 started school last year and again was given a list. Amazingly helpful for me as DS1 is developmentally delayed and knew very few first names of those in his class at that point let alone which class they were in. And had absolutely no chance of knowing any second names in cases of duplicate names.

This year as usual they have mixed the 2 classes up and I know there are a few new starters this year. DS1 now knows lots of names of those in his year but can't always tell me which of the classes they are in.

The school obviously know about his problems as we are in the middle of getting him some help at school so I went in to ask if I could have a list of first names of those in his class so that I didn't have to write cards for 50+ kids (both classes) and so I didn't leave anyone out.

I was told that they could not do this and wouldn't be doing it for reception kids either this year as it was against data protection.

I am fully behind confidentiality etc but I am unsure of what this is actually for. Most kids in year 1 know what everyones first and last names are anyway, my DD certainly did. Both of my kids actually share their names with someone else in their year and are always called their full name by all the other children, usually at the top of their voice across the playground.

AIBU to think this is the world gone mad or am I not seeing the full picture.

OP posts:
ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 12:45

YANBU but can I suggest that you do cards with "Happy Christmas from Tom" inside them instead of their names on?

or, you could do what my friend did....get a load of candy canes, add a little tag to each with "Merry Christmas from Tom"...just tie it on....and the teacher should hand them out on the last day of term.

Nanny0gg · 19/11/2013 12:46

If it's first names only, they've gone mad.

Can your DD help with the names? At my school many children pretty much knew everyone else.

MaidOfStars · 19/11/2013 12:47

A typed up list of all the names of year group? What if it fell into the wrong hands? Getting your child to reel them off is very different to presenting any dubious characters with a check list.

But is it really expected to send Christmas cards to all pupils?

ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 12:48

Maid most kids send a card to the whole class yes. OP if yiou don't want to do the candy canes, why don't you ask the class rep if she has a list?

HoratiaDrelincourt · 19/11/2013 12:48

Why can't DS send cards just to the children he knows? Sending 50 cards to children he doesn't even know sounds completely insane and horribly wasteful.

DIYapprentice · 19/11/2013 12:48

Ooh, ICameOnTheJitney - I am so stealing your idea!!!!

lizzzyyliveson · 19/11/2013 12:49

Perhaps you have a child that is in hiding from an abusive parent now? I know that some schools don't allow any photos or info to be taken off the premises even by staff because of the worry that the child will be tracked down. What you could do is prepare a set of cards and then he can write names on the envelope if he is given a card by someone he has missed.

redstripeyelephant · 19/11/2013 12:51

YANBU- DD's school has always provided a list to anyome who asked, either for xmas cards or fpr arranging birthday parties. I don't see what's wrong with that, if it fell into the 'wrong hands' what is someone really going to do with a list of first names?!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 19/11/2013 12:53

Ridiculous.

The first names with an initial for the 6 Emilys and 5 Harrys is not going to break any data protection laws - they are being daft.

ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 12:54

DIY It's good isn't it? Grin They get so many cards and tbh they prefer a sweety! Mine do anyway!

perplexedpirate · 19/11/2013 12:58

YABU to send cards to 50+ kids, most of which your DC apparently doesn't even know.
The schools giving a list out is ridiculous, they shouldn't be encouraging this wastefulness.

Summerblaze · 19/11/2013 13:00

I completely get the "child hiding from abusive parent thing" and always adhere to the policy of not taking pics at plays etc etc and wouldn't want a list of last names/addresses. But what is a first name going to prove. For a start there are at least 2 of most of the kids there. If I leave a piece of paper around and it did happen to get into the hands of the abusive parent (how exactly I don't know). Then he isn't going to get much info from a first name. There are probably at least 2 Alfie's or Max's in each year in every school. How does he know that this Alfie is his Alfie. I just don't get it.

Horatia I don't really know who DS's knows/plays with. He is 5 but developmentally only 3. He says everyone is his best friend but he doesn't actually play in the traditional way with his peers.

Some good ideas though (especially liking the candy canes).

OP posts:
Summerblaze · 19/11/2013 13:01

This is why the list is better perplexed. There are 2 classes in his year. If I don't have a list I will have to send one to everyone but with the list I know which are in his class so just send to them.

OP posts:
HoratiaDrelincourt · 19/11/2013 13:41

I think there must be a very different culture at your school then, OP. I would be utterly bewildered if DS (also Y1) came home with thirty Christmas cards. The odd one, maybe, but not a full set or anything remotely close.

Goldmandra · 19/11/2013 13:45

A typed up list of all the names of year group? What if it fell into the wrong hands?

What do you imagine could happen to a child as a result of a list of first names falling into the wrong hands?

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 19/11/2013 13:52

I'm glad our school don't have this policy! DC4 (5) is having his first (and last) class party for his 6th birthday after asking for the last 2 years. He has autism and knows very few names of the children in his class, he just calls them his "friends" . It would have been a nightmare doing the invitations without the list!

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/11/2013 13:53

Well unless it says from Timbuktu primary school 56 badger lane tel 123456 at the top of the list then even if it was dropped somewhere you'd have no idea what school the list was from. Don't see how first names along with an initial for duplicate names would give anything away.

Summerblaze · 19/11/2013 14:09

Also my problem headfirst. As DS has a early on in the school year birthday and he didn't know anyones names this time last year, he didn't have the big 5 year old party like my DD did. This year, he does at least know some names and has been invited to parties himself so he is having a big 6 party. Without the list I have no idea who is in his class. He will want to invite everyone in the whole year and those he mentions may not even be in his class.

This is my point exactly giles. Thought I was quite good with the whole data protection thing but this is just mad.

OP posts:
Objection · 19/11/2013 15:33

I'm with perplexed on this one - seems ridiculous to hand out 50+ christmas cards to a bunch of young children. Seems a massive waste of time, effort, money and paper.

Like the candy cane idea but you're opening yourself to a world of pain if parents don't want the child to have the sugar or any allergies etc.

[slinks off to go and grinch somewhere else]

Objection · 19/11/2013 15:34

*I like the candy cane idea

ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 16:15

Objection that's true....I know there's a child in DDs class who can't eat gelatin due to religious reasons. Maybe I could check first...I'd hate to give a 5 year old a sweet she can't even eat!

ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 16:17

horatia every child I know of this age comes home with a million cards. DDs school has a post box especially for them...then they're given their cards on the last day of term....to save them coming home daily with five or six which may get mixed up with important letters or invitations.

Flibbertyjibbet · 19/11/2013 16:20

My ds's come home with cards all through December. When I ask if they want to send cards back to the senders, they just write out a few each to their proper friends. Certainly not the whole class.

I can't believe the school sends out lists of all the names... just to make sure each child sits down and writes out 30 cards Confused

Davsmum · 19/11/2013 16:26

Why can't children just wish each other a Merry Christmas instead of being encouraged to send everyone a card?
Christmas is commercialised enough without getting children involved in thinking they have to get everyone a card?

ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 16:27

My children treasure the cards...they love giving them and receiving them. Often, they reuse last years to make tags or other things.

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