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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is just mad

49 replies

Summerblaze · 19/11/2013 12:41

When my DD started school 5 years ago, we were given a list at christmas of the first names of all those who were in her class for them to write christmas cards if they wanted to. DD could probably have told me the names but it was helpful for me to check that she hadn't left anyone out. Once in year 1 they weren't given a list anymore but it didn't matter as DD then knew everybody's first and last names and which of the 2 classes in her year they were in.

DS1 started school last year and again was given a list. Amazingly helpful for me as DS1 is developmentally delayed and knew very few first names of those in his class at that point let alone which class they were in. And had absolutely no chance of knowing any second names in cases of duplicate names.

This year as usual they have mixed the 2 classes up and I know there are a few new starters this year. DS1 now knows lots of names of those in his year but can't always tell me which of the classes they are in.

The school obviously know about his problems as we are in the middle of getting him some help at school so I went in to ask if I could have a list of first names of those in his class so that I didn't have to write cards for 50+ kids (both classes) and so I didn't leave anyone out.

I was told that they could not do this and wouldn't be doing it for reception kids either this year as it was against data protection.

I am fully behind confidentiality etc but I am unsure of what this is actually for. Most kids in year 1 know what everyones first and last names are anyway, my DD certainly did. Both of my kids actually share their names with someone else in their year and are always called their full name by all the other children, usually at the top of their voice across the playground.

AIBU to think this is the world gone mad or am I not seeing the full picture.

OP posts:
Sunnymeg · 19/11/2013 17:19

When DS was at primary, I used to save the cast list from the school plays and use that as his Christmas card list. Would this work for you?

bolderdash · 19/11/2013 17:56

We've never been allowed a list and they change the classes every year. I find it very difficult. Usually I buy the class photo once a year and attempt to identify the dc from that.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/11/2013 17:56

Oh god the candy cane idea is awful. Imagine if all 30 kids did that? They get more than enough sweets and chocs given out for birthdays and by people like LSAs and parent helpers at Christmas.

We don't give out lists of names for child protection reasons either. If we have student teachers they have to shred any classlists and use initials only for observations etc. Doesn't seem to bother or affect our parents.

BusyLittleSpider · 19/11/2013 18:08

I was told the same thing by the DCs school a couple of years back, that they couldn't give a list of names due to data protection issues, only to find a list in each if their book bags the following week Confused

They were too young to write out their own cards at the time and tbh after writing out 60 individual cards for them, I did regret asking!

Objection · 19/11/2013 18:23

Perhaps a small toy instead of sweets? I agree that a lot of parents (myself would be included if I were a parent) would probably be a bit exasperated at -more sugar being given to the children. I know a lot of parents who are quite precious about sweets.

I do think it would be more appropriate to just send out cards to a few. A quiet word with the teacher would solve any naming issues in the case of the OPs son.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 19/11/2013 19:00

Why give anything at all though? It's completely unnecessary, isn't it?

soverylucky · 19/11/2013 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerblaze · 19/11/2013 21:51

My DS doesn't have favourite friends. As I said previously, he is developmentally delayed and does not play like others his age. He interacts with them all at time to time but does not have friends that he plays with all the time.

I didn't have this problem at all with DD as she knew exactly who her friends were, who she wanted to send them to and who she definitely didn't want to send one too.

I don't think the lists are to make the children write one to everyone but so that you can if you want to or can at least check that the kids your child is saying they want to write one to are actually in their class.

I have actually got it sorted now as the school have told me how many children are in his class and so I am going to write that many cards and they will write the names on for me.

But forgetting the reasons for me wanting the list, I still don't see why it breaches any data protection if there are only first names on the list.

OP posts:
ICameOnTheJitney · 20/11/2013 08:50

Soverylucky Why is it madness? Confused I don't see it like that at all! If the kids all sent say three or four to their best mates, then there would always be SOME kids who get none. I'm not doing that. A pack of cards is a pound!

ICameOnTheJitney · 20/11/2013 08:51

Blackholes Not everyone WILL give candy canes though....and if I didn't want my DC to eat it, I'd just tell them to hang it on the tree and then "dissapear" it after a few days.

DeepThought · 20/11/2013 08:56

Probably it sounds better, in staff's eyes, to mumble vaguely about data protection rather than say sorry no one available to redact a list before issuing, time and money don't allow etc

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 20/11/2013 08:59

In my school there were 3 classes of approx 30 kids a year. I knew every child. Not all were close friends but we were friends. I was with those kids through infants and juniors.

You lot are putting adult views on children. We all sent cards to everyone. The school did it's own postal system of boxes and deliveries! It was massively popular.

Op I get why your kids send cards to all, I get why they like it. Those that don't are being a bit obtuse IMO. Or maybe just adult....

Just ask another mum, compare lists?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 20/11/2013 09:00

Sorry, so total 90 kids a year not 30. Plainly need a coffee this am!

RooRooTaToot · 20/11/2013 09:06

Instead of candy canes, what about a Christmas pencil with a rubber on top? You can get a bulk load fairly cheaply. Fun and practical!

MadeOfStarDust · 20/11/2013 09:15

mine just gave to a few friends.. but they gave them to them, or posted them through their letterbox at home in the run up to christmas... not some weird popularity contest thing they have at infant school nowadays where they collect them all together in the school Christmas post box and give them out at afternoon registration.....

(I was a parent helper last year and just hated the whole "I got ten, how many did you get?" thing.....)

Objection · 20/11/2013 09:51

I just dislike christmas cards full stop so I'm biased Smile but I think sending everyone a card for the sake of it just seems a bit of a waste but each to their own.

DIYapprentice · 20/11/2013 12:48

DSs' school won't give lists out, but we have an active Friends and class reps, and at the beginning of each year they go around asking parents for their name, whose parent they are, contact number and email address so that we can do group parent emails for just that class.

It works well - we use it to check things with each other (eg lost jumper, socks, whether the after school activity has started yet, reminding everyone it's fancy dress day, etc). It is also used to organise mums night outs, which is a great way of getting to know the other mums.

capsium · 20/11/2013 12:53

We didn't get a list one year. I waited until others had stated sending cards out an DS sent one to them and anyone else he could think of + teachers / TAs who taught him. Left it quite late. Worked fine. School has their own post box to put cards in to go to different classes.

lljkk · 20/11/2013 12:54

I think it's sweet that OP wants to go to so much bother.
I would not get upset about missing a few if school makes it difficult.

(*and yes my kid is the unpopular one who never gets anything or invited, so it's not like I don't realise that could happen, so what? He's used to it & doesn't appreciate insincere efforts)

I got a list of first names back in about 2006 but haven't tried to ask since.

Davsmum · 20/11/2013 12:55

It would be good if schools banned pupils giving cards out at school. All this cards and invitations being done through the school causes problems with people being left out and people feeling they HAVE to send them to everyone.

Just send cards to people you really want to send them to - and post them.

capsium · 20/11/2013 12:56

^Plus if he got one he had not sent to we then wrote one out for next day. So all in all wrote in dribs and drabs. If anyone asked if he had one for them and he hadn't we said we hadn't finished writing them.

capsium · 20/11/2013 12:57

Davsmum Would have been very stuck for party invites in the past if was not allowed to give them out at school. Do not get to see everyone's parents.

Davsmum · 20/11/2013 13:18

Yes, there is that, Capsium !!

I did hear of one school banning it though- unless everyone in the class was invited.

capsium · 20/11/2013 13:27

Davsmum Cripes!

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