to ask dss not come over

[gingermop]

hi all bit of situhere id appriciate ur opinions on x

its ds1 birthday today, hes looking forward to coming in from school and opening presents, spending fun time this evening.
anyway
dp just phoned and his son who is off school quite ill with viral bronchitis want to come round wen my kids r home from school.
iv called my docs and been told its very contagious.
ds2 has a very weak immune system and serious heart cond and there no way i want this illness around him.

told dp, he isnt happy, asked for me to take mine out house from 5 for couple of hours so dss can come over.

firstly I hav a 5 year old thats goes to bed at 6.30 plus its ds1 bday, he wants to home, playing with presents, birthday cake and all that.

im in wrong apparently
whats ur veiws

sorry for typos am on mobi
x

Your dp has asked that you and your children vacate the house for his kid?

Where does your dp live? Is it his night for contact?

lives with me and my kids, no its not a contact nite x

Are your kids his kids? Yanbu. He is horrible for suggesting that

So dss LIVES with you so he has been around ds1 and ds2 before this evening?

What would you do out of interest if ds1 had the same illness? He's his brother & should be welcome.

no dss doesnt live with us, he stays eow.
me and dh hav no kids together, I have 4 of my own and he has 2 that r here eow

Of course you're not in the wrong for all the reasons you mention. Forgetting the birthday you have an immunocompromised child fgs. If he's too ill to go to school, then he's too ill to go out visiting surely. Does your dp not understand your childs medical condition and what a virus like that could do to him?
Normally I'd say it would be nice to include dss in his brothers birthday celebrations but not when it's at the expense of another childs health.
Stand your ground and tell him it's not happening. Do you speak to dss's mother at all? If you're on speaking terms I'd call her and explain the situation or call dss and explain it to him directly if he's old enough to understand.

That's a bummer, but I really don't see the risk is worth it. Besides which, should DSS even be travelling when he's that ill? Can you arrange another treat for him as soon as possible to make up for it?

Redhelen, interesting question I think if one of mine where ill like this id want to keep ds2 away because of medical issues.

Why does DSS want to come round? Is it just to see DS1 on his birthday?
Is it because he’s feeling rotten and wants to see his dad?

Is it because he’s got nowhere else to go?

If it’s either of the latter 2 reasons, I can see why DP wants him to come over.

Surely you can manage to keep the two boys apart for an hour or so (esp as DS2 goes to bed quite early).

He seems to be prioritizing his kids over yours. Asking you and kids to leave the house for a few hours is ridiculous.

I think it's fairly clear that if DSS is too ill (with something very contagious) to go to school, he shouldn't be around a child with a weak immune system and a heart condition!

Surely the point of DSS coming round would be to see DS1 on his birthday, so if you took the kids out for a couple of hours the whole purpose of DSS coming round would be removed?

If DP wants to see his son (which is entirely understandable), why can't he take him out for a couple of hours?

thanks to those saying im not in wrong, am feeling very quilty, love my dss very much and would lovely for him to b here but I really cant risk ds2 getting ill

The boy should be in his bed surely. Tell him that you will all do something together when he is better.

just had a ranty call of him, hes gonna take dss sumwhere, no idea where.

now feel stupidly upset that dp will not b here wen ds1 opens presents, cits cake

all feels very one sided, for my dsc I made same effort I do with my own, made them cakes, decorated house, tried to make it special.
from dp, nothing.

thank you all so much for quick replys xx

yanbu, especially when you have a very vulnerable child. You have nothing to feel guilty for, no rational person would want to unnecessarily expose young children, particularly one with a heart condition to that, your ss will understand if you explain it to him (unless he's an idiot like your husband).

I don't think you are being unreasonable. My friend brought her toddler round to my house with conjunctivitis when my premature babies had been home 1 week! I was furious! Just as they left I said her eyes are really puffy, and my friend says: oh yeah she's got conjunctivitis....WHAT????!!!!

However my mum is a dr and says viral bronchitis is not contagious...it's often caused by a cold for example, which you can catch but by the time it's developed into bronchitis the cold isn't contagious anymore. If that makes sense.

It's better to be safe than sorry though and I think you should put your foot down as you obv feel strongly about protecting your boy, even if it's only from a cold YANBU

Yanbu. Why is your do taking him out to infect the town?

Could you skype call dss when ds1 is opening his presents so dss can join in the fun whilst not being hauled from his sickbed or risking anyone elses health?

How long have you been living together?
Because your DP doesn't sound like a keeper if he's illogical and aggressive with it.