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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have banned all computer gaming/ipad/DS during week

70 replies

SirSugar · 18/11/2013 20:13

DS is 7, he can play on weekends only. He is exhibiting addictive behaviour/whinging and has low boredom threshold.

We have loads of books/lego and creative stuff - I paint/sew/knit etc.

I think I'm doing him a favour - he's finding it difficult but we have only just started.

OP posts:
Twirlymooostache · 19/11/2013 00:51

We use a token system for screens. I made a selection of tokens for computers etc and tv in half hour slots. They get given them each week and can "spend" them when they would like to as long as it is convenient for us. They can piggy back 2 at the most. The first week my ds spent them over a couple of days which was good as he then understood the value of pacing himself and now will work out when he would like to use them through the week.
I think that because the tokens are physically there and they have to hand each one over helps. We definitely have less whining and I use a timer. Sometimes I set it for 25 mins so he knows that he has to round up what ever he is doing.
We have taken tokens away for misdemeanours and he can lose minutes from his next session for time I spend waiting for him in the morning.
It has worked for us so far and have been doing it since start of term in September.

NoComet · 19/11/2013 01:13

Only if you don't MN or FB Monday to Friday

NoComet · 19/11/2013 01:17

Way to lazy to fight over screen time.

My computer addict is also the DD who plays with toys and trampolines for hours.

She simply doesn't do 'not a lot' her sister does

MrRected · 19/11/2013 01:18

Our house is a screen free zone - Monday to Friday. No tv, computer (other than homework), iPad, iPhone, DS at all.

Our kids are used to and rarely ask for screens in the week now.

PassAFist · 19/11/2013 01:23

YANBU, had to make the same rule here as well.

valiumredhead · 19/11/2013 07:22

Forty -in theory that works, in practise everything gets rushed so they can get on the x box.

OP,we have just started the same rule, no gaming during the week. Lap top can be used as doesn't have the same lure as the x box.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/11/2013 07:31

You know, my teenagers are allowed "screen time" whatever that is, during the week. I don't give time limits or ban things or give tokens to watch a tv program, and I never had.

Funnily enough, they are not unfit at all. Ds1 has football training 4 times a week, matches twice a week, swims, goes to the gym regularly.
Dd does mixed martial arts, swimming, drama and dance twice a week.
They are also, amazingly enough able to speak coherently and keep up with their schoolwork.

This obsession with banning or limiting everything that has a screen quite frankly baffles me. It seems the less time children are allowed to do something they like, the better it is.
If they are active, keeping up with homework, have hobbies or clubs or whatever, play with their friends, read, then why do you need to ban tv or games?

gamerchick · 19/11/2013 07:39

20 minutes screen time.. did I really just read that? What on earth can you do in 20 minutes? 1 1/2 hours is far more reasonable.

I agree with the tantrums... its like screens are the work of the devil in some people's eyes Grin

The whinging and the whining does mean switching off though whatever they're playing. If they're at a whiney stage then it's time to go do something else.

DziezkoDisco · 19/11/2013 07:49

I banned it during the week, then they watch a film and play for about an hour over the weekend. It really worked miracles.
They play together a lot more and a lot better. They never say they are bored. They dont argue over some bollocky level, the use their imaginations far more in their games, it improved DS1s mood/temper tantrums and ds2s concentration, they use their toys rather than just gawping at a screen.

I watched DSS how is now all grown up waste so much of his childhood and teen years watching TV/starting at a screen. Though he is lovely he struggles socialising and is deeply unfit and cannot entertain himself unless plugged in.

ColaConkie · 19/11/2013 07:50

I've never put a limit on screens and now my son rarely watches TV and maybe plays with the iPad for about an hour a day. At first he was on them quite a lot but it tailed off as he knew he could play whenever he wanted. He's more into books just now.

BerstieSpotts · 19/11/2013 07:55

Yep, I sometimes play minecraft with DS as a going-to-sleep activity (ducks from all the cries of horror) and 15 minutes is not enough to do anything at all.

I do think some children need more guidance in this area than others, though. Some will happily regulate themselves, others will become dependent on it. There's no magic formula because all children are different!

DziezkoDisco · 19/11/2013 08:06

I think alot of it is how you ban it. We did it in a oh by the way we dont use screens during the week so you can do more exciting things, instead of a saying we are banning it. my and DH keep our use away from the kids, because of course we are big hyposhites and use it ourselves still Grin

Fleta · 19/11/2013 09:34

Not for us, but if it works for you then completely reasonable.

We don't have rules - mainly because it isn't an issue. Once DD has done her homework she is free to choose what she does. I'd say 4 days out of 5 she will play with her toys / colour / read. The fifth day she's usually so shattered that if she wants to watch something on television / play on her iPad then I'm fine with it.

SaucyJack · 19/11/2013 10:01

YABU. I thoroughly disagree with micro-managing the few spare minutes children have in the day between school/homework/after-school activities. Children need relaxation time too.

Tho tbf mine are still at the age where they'll watch cartoons on the yoochoobs, and then go and play it out with their dolls.

slickrick · 19/11/2013 10:02

All children should be limited to the time they spend on electronic games IMO

TantrumsAndBalloons · 19/11/2013 10:15

Why slickrick?

Why do they have to have time restrictions?

MrsCakesPremonition · 19/11/2013 10:16

YANBU to set rules around using screens.

YABU to start a slightly smug thread about it.

sweetmelissa · 19/11/2013 10:17

Oh dear, I think I'd feel too guilty banning "screen time" for my children in the week whilst knowing I have my own "screen time" to be on mumsnet in the week. I think if I made a rule like that it would only be fair to stick to it myself too!

I am a foster parent and one particular child we had with us was totally obsessed with his DS (think it was a security blanket as it was the only thing he had from his home). We bought him some educational games to use on it, and his literacy and particularly numeracy skills improved dramatically....so in some cases it can be educational.

valiumredhead · 19/11/2013 10:19

Some children cannot self limit, at all. Some children's behaviour is hugely affected by gaming, ds admits himself that Halo turns him into an aggressive little oik and he can't control his mouth when he's been on it.

I don't want ds to lounge in front of the x box for hours on end.

Add I said, the laptop doesn't have the same effects but I'll still tell him he's had enough time on it and to go and get some fresh air or do something productive.

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/11/2013 10:33

I think you are being very sensible, taking the decision out of your son's hands and taking control of the situation. Some computer games are excellent, and require concentration, ingenuity and creative thinking to play but they are undoubtedly addictive and boys, in particular, can get to the stage where they want to do nothing else to the detriment of their school work and other activities.

They are often impossible to argue with because they get so involved in their games that nothing else matters! It is vital to get control and stop the rot before this stage. I like the idea of a voucher system, so kids get used to the idea thar screen time is rationed right from the off.'

Screamqueen · 19/11/2013 10:33

Some if these posts do have a hint of smugness about them, note not all! Funnily enough my 20 year old DS is not a screen obsessed zombie because I let him play his games machines whenever he wanted, he still loves his X box etc but also plays football, judo and goes to the gym, its as if some people equate games with laziness instead of just another way of relaxing and entertainment. Same with my 11 year old he can do what he likes, loves all his stuff but is also forever out playing with friends, No big deal. If he wants to spend all night playing whatever his latest fav game is he can but its his choice, hes forever making things as he loves art to.

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/11/2013 10:36

*that

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 19/11/2013 10:37

My DD rarely opts for screen time, while my son will opt to have around an hour and then get k'nex and Lego out.

MaddAddam · 19/11/2013 10:37

YANBU. My dc are quite a bit older and I'm fairly strict still on screen time. I'm quite relaxed in various areas of parenting but I feel very strongly I want my dc to spend a fair proportion of their childhoods not hooked up to a screen. One of mine is not good on self-limiting so when I leave it to them it does drift and they all end up watching lots of TV and/or being on the computers all the time. So I limit. DC are used to it and sort of appreciate it.

And if they whinge, we remove the tv or computers for a week. So they don't whinge....

Lately I hold up Eleanor Cattell as an encouragement, the youngest ever Booker Prize winner. (aged 27). Her parents didn't have a tv and told her she'd appreciate this when she grew up. And she says she does now.

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/11/2013 10:47

I don't equate computer games with laziness at all - having looked at some of my son's ones, I think they require a lot of concentration and thought, and the games themselves are brilliantly designed and imaginative. I think, in moderation, some games are definitely good for children.

But I believe that there has been research which has shown that playing computer games can become addictive and therefore adults should get involved at an early stage just to keep an eye on it. What we're all aiming for is moderation - not a complete ban.