To not put dh family up at xmas

[middleclassdystopia]

I'm pregnant and very tired. It's been a hard pregnancy do far and it's my third.

Dh and I decided ages ago we wanted a quiet xmas, just us. It's been a rollercoaster year and besides we've spent the last few xmases with my PIL.

Fine, except now my Ils have decided to have a big xmas at theirs (large family) and have hinted they want us to put people up.

I feel bad but have put my foot down and badically said no can do.

The pregnancy/tiredness/hard year etc are irrelevant tbh. If people ask if they can stay at your house, you're never being unreasonable to say "no, we don't want to do that". You don't need an excuse, you're not running a B&B.

You just say "no, no, you must all enjoy your Christmas without us, we're having a quiet time by ourselves, do have a lovely lovely time won't you?".

YANBU

What does DH think?

I think you should do as you like.

You and your dh have already decided how your family's Christmas will be and your pil are rude to assume you will put people up.

Don't feel badly. YANBU at all. Also, I hate hinting; if they would just come out and ask you could say no nicely. I feel like people mostly only hint when they know that what they want is unreasonable but they want it anyway and are hoping to guilt you into it. Pah.

Dh in agreement, so hopefully that'll be the end of it.

just imagine if you said yes! imagine the Christmas.

imagine the Christmas if you stick to your guns!

no comparison. say no no no. if they want guests they can stop at theirs or book into a hotel.

You have decided how you will celebrate Christmas, so as DH is in agreement he can repeat to his family that you will not be putting up any guests. Just in case they think you will change your minds.

You should put yourself and your health first.

That sounds like the worst of all world's; putting up house guests and all that entails without actually getting to enjoy their company. Just say no.

"and have hinted they want us to put people up."

Simple-don't take the hint!

Ha ha so you can run around all Xmas after other folk? Hell no!

Hell NO!!! Just say you cannot do it. Be honest. Even better - go away for a few day!

foot down now or walked on for ever. trust me. been there done it and worn the tee shirt.

Yanbu!

Take it easy & put your feet up as much as possible.

Don't do it. Agree with others.

I mean don't get me wrong my ILs are generally nice folk, I get on with them.

But when it comes to big gatherings they can be quite forceful and as an introvert I find it a little overwhelming.

They're better in small quantities!

To put people up like this I think you have to be in on and a party to the original plan.

I wouldn't want to do it. So NU.

Ignore any 'hints'

If they ask directly, say 'No, we are having a quiet christmas as I'm pregnant, tired and can't cope with entertaining on any level '

I am going to get flamed for this but think that maybe YABabitU.

Would it really be that big a deal to give a couple a bed for a few days, give them a house key, tell them where the kettle is, and explain (though it should be obvious) that you are not up to entertaining/catering but that they are welcome to help themselves to food etc as long as they don't mind looking after themselves, make their own breakfast etc.

Surely the ILs will be feeding them on Xmas day anyway so you only have to see them in the morning and maybe later that night when they return. Not sure what the big issue is to give family a bed for a few nights, (assuming you have a spare bedroom, if you don't then i retract and YANBU)

Yanbu.
Even in the scenario lisavarna describes I wouldn't like it. Feeling rotten and having people in my cupboards, using my stuff etc. Some people don't mind this but I find it all a bit of an intrusion. It's not a communal facility, it's a private residence where the op wants peace, quiet and calm.

Yes i know what you mean Idespair, i actually don't really like putting family up that much at all, but i do it esp for dh's family because i think thats one of the things you just have to do for your OH.

Mind you in this particular case the OP's dh doesn't want them staying either so i guest she isn't BU, but if my dh wanted any of his brothers to stay along with their dp;s i would just go along with it, out of a sense of duty i guess.

Lisa would you want people who weren't going to be part of your christmas day waking up in your home, having to coordinate bathroom usage etc around guests, prepare beds/space etc, when your children just want to get up and open their presents and you just want to relax?

I know I wouldn't and I'm not pregnant and tired.

If it was just some random weekend I'd possibly see it differently, but as it is christmas it is much more of an intrusion IMO.

yanbu, ignore the hints and be ready to say no if they decide to ask straight out.

If you have the space, could ask your visitors to bring their own sheets & towels, the guests would be eating out and all you have to do is offer the odd cup of tea, then I think YABitU, but I know lisavarna and I are likely to be in the minority here

Amber we are doing just that this coming Xmas. Dh's brother, partner and 2yr old dd are staying with is over the holiday. They will be having Xmas dinner with my PILS so will just be with us a couple of days before Xmas and on Xmas day itself will get up with us, have breakfast, our 5dc will get their santa presses and i guess we will all open up some presses round the tree before the 3 of them head off around midday to ILs. I think it will be quite nice and don't have the pressure of 3 extra people at the dinner table, (or a grumpy toddler for that matter.) Its not that big a deal. Granted i am not pregnant so not exhausted, but really i don't plan on fussing around them, they are family so just treat the house as their own home and don't expect to be waited on hand and foot, thank god.

This is what travel lodges are for.

Inviting yourself to use someone's house as a convenience is rude.