To not put dh family up at xmas

[middleclassdystopia]

I'm pregnant and very tired. It's been a hard pregnancy do far and it's my third.

Dh and I decided ages ago we wanted a quiet xmas, just us. It's been a rollercoaster year and besides we've spent the last few xmases with my PIL.

Fine, except now my Ils have decided to have a big xmas at theirs (large family) and have hinted they want us to put people up.

I feel bad but have put my foot down and badically said no can do.

I expect that's a plan that you discussed and chose to do though Lisa?

I can see why you are happy with the arrangement in those circumstances.

OP is just being out upon.

I'd say it very much depends on how close her dh is to the relatives. He doesn't seem that keen so I think that speaks volumes.

Some members of my family I'd do this for at the drop of a hat. Whilst some others, I would avoid all hints, however obvious they become.

Yanbu. The bitch is trying to mug you off. Fuck her.

Amber Quite possibly yes. It helps that i really like my BIL and his partner and child. I would still prefer not to have to have them if i were to be totally selfish about it, i mean easy and all as they are, there is still work involved, making up beds, cleaning rooms, making sure there is extra stuff in fridge etc for them. That is just cos i am a bit af a lazy one though, and would rather the easy option. But they are lovely, and they are family, so i feel i ought to do this for dh.

See I feel bad now. I like my dh family and he is close to them. But i've been poorly with sickness, headaches and tiredness.

Even if we put up a couple, it means moving a dc out of their room, making up beds, washing etc.

It's the fact that this big get together has only just been decided. We'd been planning on resting, being lazy etc.

May I add that we've just moved house as well!

Well, it's just a 'no' then really. I don't blame you for wanting some peace.

Just say no, neither of you want to do it and it would totally change the Christmas you have planned (for the worse). Just no.

I'm really sorry ILs but I haven't been feeling well and we have decided on a quiet Christmas, just the four of us.

YANBU in the teeniest tiniest slightest bit.

You are pg, it is Christmas, it is totally unreasonable to expect one of your dc to be ushered out of routine for someone else's guests that you are expected to put up when you don't intend to participate in the planned bit get together melee of chaos that will overexcite the children and knacker you

It is a big deal as you have not planned it or been party to the arrangement.
Once you agree you will have to do it every year. State cleary what your intention is and don't be bullied into it. I speak from experience.
Christmas is a time for the kids and you don't have to fit in with other pushy people's plans. But tellthem clearly as manipulative people prefer to guilt you into doing things, and don't play their game their way.

YANBU at all. Either ignore the hinting, or get DH to be upfront with then and say it does not work for you this year.

Don't let them stay! You'll resent it and it's Christmas. You deserve a quiet Christmas with your own family that you want

As others have said too, if you do this once you'll be doing it forever!

Ignore all hints and if they ask directly say no.

If they don't have enough room at theirs they shouldn't invite so many people.

Stick to your guns and tell them you've been ordered to rest on medical grounds.