To think my sis should stop her DS from hitting mine?

[twinklingfairy]

My sisters son is 2 in feb and has taken to hitting my DS, just turned 5.
My DS just takes it, saying auw, every time a blow is hit (its repetitive blows) but does nothing to retaliate because his cousin is only small.
When DS shouts, they have just started to remove his cousin but he comes straight back in to repeat the process. After about 3 goes, they give up and tell DS that he is obviously upsetting him, give him what ever it is he wants.
Today I came home after 3 days away attending a course, to discover that his cousin has actually drawn blood.
DD and DS tell me that it is because DC tried to pick DS up and his nails were too long so he cut into my DS shoulder.
That's ok, I guess, but also understandably upsetting. It was hard enough to leave them so long.
But then DD tells me that my sister told them that blood was good, it would heal faster that way

I am just getting a little tired of it.
Both DS and I are told not to over react, that it is just because he is so young and doesn't understand. Though he understand well enough to say sorry and bad.
Both my sis and mum dismiss it all as being his age.
But it is very frustrating that DS is just expected to put up and accept it,then blamed somehow for it.
They, I feel, are turning my DS into a victim and DCinto a bully.
What could this mean to my DS childhood.

It's also a worry because my sis is expecting her second, in Feb.
Surely she should be a bit worried about what he DS is going/capable of doing to the newborn.
All under the title of 'just being a boy'
My 'boy' has never hit like this.
I know all children are different and boys can be boisterous but what canI do to stop my DS taking the brunt

I agree with FigRolls, you sound very down on your nephew who isn't even 2 until next year.
I had a hitter, telling him off didn't work, removing him didn't work, distraction didn't work, time out didn't work, we stopped going to toddler groups too, they were awful and the other parents tutted. Your dsis is probably miserable about his behaviour and if she is anything like me will be relieved your son is so much older and so not being regularly hurt when he is hit. It doesn't matter how many times people say 'it's unacceptable behaviour' when your child is doing it and you know it's unacceptable but the only way to stop it is to not see any other children, ever. It is really isolating not to be able to go to groups and to constantly scared your child will hit someone. And rough play with a parent is in fact often recommend to help young children learn about boundaries and also get some of their energy out.
We lost most of our friends through my son's behaviour- because we stopped seeing them- and I would be mortified if I thought my family was posting on mumsnet implying I wasn't a good enough parent and didn't care about their children. You are just very lucky to have a child who has never hit, it has nothing to do with your parenting.

I don't think I am down on my DN, I am down on his behaviour as I would be if it were my own child.
And I am understandably defensive and protective of my own.
I imagine it is isolating for them both but what do you suggest I do?

I can't keep putting my son in that position.

I post on here because it is anonymous and I was looking for help and suggestions.

I don't mean to put in question her parenting, I don't think I have. I have explained what she does.
And as for her caring for my children, she does care for my children. But there is a pecking order, they do dismiss him as silly.

I haven't implied that my parenting was any better, just disagreed that his behaviour is 'just being a boy' given that mine never hit.
That has nothing to do with my parenting, that's just DS nature.
DNs nature is different.
That's why you can't lump it into a 'all boys are the same' box.

How did your situation resolve?
Is it just a time issue?
Well, for that time I will protect my son and if that means poor Dsis is isolated, I cannot be responsible for that.

"you know it's unacceptable but the only way to stop it is to not see any other children, ever."

Yes, well if Twinkling's sister wasn't so keen to hotfoot it to her mum's with her DS when she knows that Twinkling's DC are there, that might be fair comment in her case. But she seems to think that Twinkling's DC just have to put up with it because they are his cousins. And that Twinkling should just put up with it because he is her nephew. Wrong.

FGS your son is 5 yrs old, and your DN is between 20 and 21months ! Is your son really being beaten up by a baby? Surely he is fast enough to dodge him, or strong enough to restrain him.
No.This about your DN stealing the limelight because he is the little one.I think this is what it's all about.

intitgrand :)
No.
It isn't about my son not being in the limelight, it isn't about him being 'beaten up' by a baby.
It's about a 21 month old being taught that its ok to hit.
And specifically, that its ok to hit my son.

When he appeared behind my son to grab him, cutting into his shoulder, how was he to 'dodge' it.
Should he spend his time worrying? Or constantly on the move because DN, being only small, will just follow him to continue his game and, thinking about it, would only think this was an addition to the game. Which would certainly diffuse the situation, But then would initiate the game (of hitting) more often to get the same results.
Exactly the same as stomping on his granny's bare feet, when he is wearing shoes.
It can only be funny so many times before it gets to be sore.

My DS puts up with it because he doesn't want to cause further upset.
But the point is more, what can Dsis do to stop it from happening.