AIBU to quit my job.

[mumofbeautys]

I'm a single mum to twins aged 4 who both suffer with cystic fibrosis. I work full time and I'm constantly on the go. One of my girls suffers with extreme cf. My whole life is work and them.
But is it wrong to quit my job and lose that stability

When do you sleep on the days you work nights?

Tbh it sounds like you're driving yourself into the ground. Work ethics are fundamentally important, however so is a sustainable existence, without collapsing further down the line. Waiting til then to get support isn't worth it, if you get too ground down, the whole family disintegrates, so first things first is looking after yourself.

Think about cutting down work even more, or taking a leave of absence, if you are very worried about getting back into work later. But if it's something that you could take a 2 yr career break / until they're in school then maybe you should give it up entirely.

Only you know the risks and benefits... But I would just say, make sure you are thinking about yourself and not just what you can endure now, but how you can live in the future too...

This situation sounds really difficult and you must be exhausted.
Do you enjoy your job? Would you miss it?
Unless you really loathe it, I would try part time first as I'd be concerned that it might be difficult to get back into work if later on you decide you miss it and want to return.

Check your benefit entitlements- DLA, Carers Allowance. Also Housing and Council Tax Benefts. I assume you get Child Benefit and Tax Credits?

There is a CF charity and helpline, have you phoned them for advice, might be worth it?

I left my job to care for my DS who has autism and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I get DLA for DS, carers allowance, housing and council tax benefits, income support child benefit and child tax credit. Child tax credit tripled once DLA was awarded so financially we are actually a bit better off and I'm able to focus more on DS's needs, always have lots of availability for appointments and can also attend things like workshops run by our autism society and local events run for disabled children. When DS is at school I use that time to do chores, run errands, go to the gym and do some leisure/voluntary activities, so I get some good social contact and time to do things I enjoy, but without it being as demanding as work.

You should definitely look at applying for DLA first, as you can't get CA without DLA being awarded first, and DLA can be tough to apply for (we had to attend a tribunal but eventually got the maximum award so well worth it).

Quit or reduce your hours - you are no use to your DDs if you are burnt out.
You need your health in order to care for others.

I agree. Quit working and concentrate on your family. If there comes a time when you are all stronger and more able to cope then that is the time to look for a part time job but right now you need time to breathe.

FWIW I know what you're going through with the moral dilemma you face about working or not working. I really need to quit working but I can't quite get my head round living on benefits. My health is deteriorating and I'll have to quit one day. I should really quit now and my health might stabilise but I'm too bothered about what people will think of me?

Thank you for all your support, I will definitely consider all advice.
My daughter relies on oxygen so at the moment school is questionable for her x

I think the key thing here is DLA. If your dds are awarded DLA & you earn under £100 per week you can claim Carers Allowance. You will be considered a carer rather then a single parent by DWP. This means 2 things, you will receive Income Support/Universal Credit as your not available for work. You will avoid the benefit cap. You will also be entitled to HB &, Council tax benefit.

I have a disabled ds, I've ended up working from home. So I get all the stress of working but not the freedom of leaving the house. I can't find childcare for ds so I need to be around before, after school & all school holidays.

The only thing i would say is to watch that you don't end up very isolated by leaving work. I miss the chats & gossip!

Good luck!

Hopefully there will be a school medically equipped to take your daughter. The SEN school near where I work has nurses who will take care of medical needs.

I think you're unsure, because you're asking. I agree ideally the solution would be part time work, even a day a week, to keep your outside interests. My friend is a full time carer and never gets a break, it's soul destroying. Normally I go round a couple of times a week but I've had surgery recently so can't.

I think situations like yours are why these benefits should and do exist.

Mmm. I can see why you need help, but under the current government I would be very wary about giving up work completely.
The way they have treated disabled people so far would make me afraid to rely heavily on benefits as they could be withdrawn in the future. I would try and go part time to keep a foot in the world of work in case I needed it later.

Tell be honest I'm really scared green of the prospect of school .. non vaccined children . Flu and bugs scares the days out of me x

We don't have the health issues to contend with, but DS1 starting school has added in another layer of complexity to our lives.
I think with the extra issues of colds / flu coming from school, something needs to give - I firmly believe school is harder to juggle than nursery for working parents.

I'm firmly in the SAH is not for me, so would go for the people saying is there anything you can do part time - or does the money then not work?

and

I'm a single parent to 3 girls, one of whom has complex needs (but isn't acutely unwell).

I work part time (20 hours per week) and can't imagine working any more. Financially I don't need to which is a good job too as I think I'd collapse under the strain - physically and emotionally.

Being a parent is hard.

Being a single parent is REALLY hard.

Being a single parent to a child with significant health or special needs is BLOODY hard.

And you're doing it for twins! I think you would be entirely reasonable to quit, or reduce your hours.

hey thank you , I have an appointment 2moro about benefits and and also to sort out housing as we should really move ! ... i suppose the thought of going froma wage to benefits completely does scare me a wee bit. i have had a few days off ( daughter been sick) so stayed with her and i have to admit i think i may had in my notice at work :)

Hi Mum, I think you will know the right decision

Have you got a local Carers Centre? They will support you, as should your social worker if you have one.

Take care of yourself and your lovely girls xx

I have not read the whole thread but I've read the bit you say that you wouldn't be worse off financially. If it were me I would quit and be with my kids (if money is not an issue) as their health is a priority. And don't feel guilty, this why the welfare system is in place; for situations like this.

Gook luck

If you wouldn't be worse off financially, YANBU to leave your job. As far as moral values and a good example to the children go, I'd say that taking care of yourself, and putting their care first, and making difficult decisions to enable you to do that, is a pretty good start.

I am sorry, families like yours need all the help the welfare state can provide. You will be doing your dd's no good by continuing with your punishing schedule.

Good luck with your appointment. What your dd's need is a healthy, fit mum who can cope with all the demands of your family life.

YANBU
I hope you get some helpful and good advice at your appointment tomorrow. To me if the welfare state can provide a reasonable standard of living for your family then it is doing its job as your reasons for needing it are totally justified.

I am a taxpayer and have always worked putting my children in childcare and I understand that you have wanted to work not rely on benefits, however providing you can get the state support you need it sounds as though the best solution for your family would be for you to hand in your notice and take full time care of your daughters.

Yanbu. If you would not be financially ruined othen do what is best for your family. Most people want the benefits system to support and gladly carry a family in your position. I wish you and your girls all the best.